Can't I Go Out of Character in an Old-School Mary Sue Story?

You don't know who I am? Are you kidding me?

My name is Selene Kaguya Hi Akatsuki Luna (shortened by thirty characters). Behold my looks and bearing, which require three hundred ornate words to describe! I am a multilingual, fourteen-country mixed-blood secret agent, supermodel, and assassin, possessing every virtue: charming, cute, alluring, aloof, melancholic, delicate, fair-skinned, beautiful as a flower, a water-born lotus, beautiful enough to topple kingdoms, with jade hands, feet, legs, arms, shoulders, jade figure, and jade syndrome. I am the invincible old-school Mary Sue!!!

A being who has dominated the world of fanfiction ever since internet subcultures first emerged, a dark chapter in the history of female fan creators, an overthrown ancient god of the old covenant: I have returned in all my glory!!

Yes, I may have fallen out of fashion, but so what? Abandoned at the very bottom of the pecking order and left to fade away in a notebook from a bygone era, I have contracted the terminal illness [Mary Sue Ineligibility]. These days, I lead a quiet life.

But even a salted fish gets its day in the sun. This time, I will reclaim my former glory and once again reign supreme at the peak of girls' romantic fantasies! I will restore the honor and dominion of the Mary Sue clan!!

*

[Level Zero Catastrophe: OOC Contamination has spread. Threat Level: ******. Emergency Response: Level Zero Catastrophe [Old-School Mary Sue] has been released for containment.]

"Tch, you've got some nerve, miss. OOC contamination? Fine, let me see it," said a certain white-haired guy with hair that looked like it had been freshly ironed.

His best friend chimed in, "OOC? I didn't know there was anything we could do that would count as OOC... Gojo, try kneeling and kowtowing to the rotten higher-ups."

The two clueless little punks laughed and horsed around.

The girl, whose bizarrely long name was matched only by her diamond-flash eyes and beauty beyond the bounds of human understanding, looked at their faces with merciful pity.

"Sure. Come back and beg me when you've grown a pretty little dick."

"..."

The two clueless hot guys knew nothing about female fan creators. Amid all the changing tides of the world, the unchanging truth of OOC was this: [One Thought, Gong or Shou].

The sin of the three-in-one dream of gong, shou, and dream girl will haunt this world forever, until the truth of the universe, the heart of the world, the Mary Sue, arrives to save it.

Gong says you're the manliest of men, the most masculine of males, the ruler and master of men, an immortal miracle in the history of hard labor, a king, a master, a male god, an emperor, a devil king, an overwhelmingly manly man. Shou says you're a delicate little thing, slender and graceful, your arms so frail they seem unable to support your clothes, swaying like a willow in the breeze, your soft figure as dainty as a kitten, your slender legs and exquisitely sculpted bare feet as soft and warm as spring water. Truly, the baby of all babies, the sweetest little darling. The dream girl says that when you draw near, you draw near to suffering, and when you flee from me, you flee from happiness. I hate that the moon hangs high above, but does not shine on me.

The old-school Mary Sue says: "What gibberish are you spouting? You stole my blurb, stole my popularity, stole my... I swear I'll ride the hot guys' trendiness and return to the peak of the Mary Sue clan with my hottest new character setting, hahahahahaha!!!"

[OOC Contamination] Affected worlds: Jujutsu Kaisen, Hunter x Hunter, Gintama, Katekyo Hitman Reborn

#ApologiesForOOC #ApologiesForMarySue #ApologiesForBG #ApologiesForBL #ApologiesForGB #ApologiesForGL #ApologiesForFemaleRivalry #ApologiesForStrongFemaleLead #ApologiesForWritingFanfiction #ApologiesForCringeFic #ApologiesForMultipleRomanceRoutes#

Theme: Love is the origin of the world