A Beautiful Snake, but a Fool

Everyone knows pet snakes are dull and dopey. Even a cultivator's pet snake is no different. Qing Yuzhu was a foolish pet snake who'd learned little beyond shapeshifting and a handful of spells, despite being raised on a steady diet of rare treasures. After his former master ascended, he drifted off into a deep sleep. When he woke again, the whole world had turned upside down! The mighty great demon had suddenly become illiterate. What were these humans saying? What are traffic lights? Cars? ID cards? Phones? Phone numbers? Alipay? Police? And what was senile dementia... Wait, why were these humans inexplicably calling snakes senile?! Where's the justice in that? Qing Yuzhu was indignant for all of three seconds before giving in: Never mind, being human is too complicated. I'd rather keep being a pet. He returned to his original form and used the little demonic power he had left to teleport himself to a beautiful house he'd spotted at first glance. Then he gracefully slithered inside. Human, would you like to keep a snake? After finally securing his position as head of the Qiao family, Qiao Zhao took a break on the advice of his therapist and moved to a suburban villa he'd never lived in before to recuperate. On the third day after moving in, a jade-green snake leisurely slithered right into his home in front of him. Afraid of snakes, Qiao Zhao immediately prepared to call the building management. But before he could dial, his vision blurred, and the snake turned into a beautiful long-haired young man. Qiao Zhao: "?!" The young man spoke slowly. "Would you like to keep a snake? I only eat a little, and you can play with me however you like." Qiao Zhao: "?" The young man thought for a moment, then added, "I'm really nice to touch." Qiao Zhao: "???" Wait, was this still a scientific society? Bonus scene: Their first meeting Qing Yuzhu (serious): I want something. Qiao Zhao (his instincts blaring alarms... Is he after a virgin boy or girl, or my heart, liver, spleen, and lungs...? He stays calm and alert): Please, go ahead. Qing Yuzhu (unfurling a poster): Do you have money? I want to eat this. Qiao Zhao (staring at the KFC Crazy Thursday special, falls silent): ... #Is there something wrong with this snake demon or with me# Bonus scene: Keeping a snake Qiao Zhao (tugging on the snake's long hair): Why do you keep going in and out while you're sleeping? Qing Yuzhu (matter-of-factly): I can't stay inside all the time. It's too hot. Qiao Zhao: ... The secretary, passing by by chance (inner monologue): Talking about this in broad daylight is just too lewd! That night, overheated by human body heat, Qing Yuzhu crawled out from under the covers. Once he'd cooled off, he crawled back in. Qiao Zhao, woken up again by a cold snake: ... #Forget it##Can I really abandon a snake I raised myself# Reader's guide: 1. A sweet, romance-focused story. The pairing is a silly, beautiful snake demon top and a gloomy powerful bottom. Cute top and swoon-worthy bottom. If you don't like it, don't read, and don't switch their roles. 2. No extreme character-obsession fans. No extreme character-obsession fans. No extreme character-obsession fans! Comments that switch roles, ship the reverse pairing, dream-fight, or provoke will be deleted. If the author misses one, please use the report function. 3. No other content warnings. If anything makes you uncomfortable while reading, just click away. 4. Paragraph comments are on. Please be friendly! Theme: Love life