The Charlatan Gets Tangled Up with a Virtueless Immortal Venerable

[Sharp-tongued, stubborn, down-and-out fortune-teller bottom × clingy-after-their-falling-out, possessive, big-dog Immortal Venerable top]

Three thousand years ago, Bai Yanchuan was the youngest Pavilion Master of the Heavenly Secrets Pavilion. He calculated the fate of the Three Realms, but just as he was on the verge of ascending, he was stripped of all his cultivation for defying fate and fell into the mortal world.

Three thousand years later, he gets by reading people's faces, drinking, and occasionally winning a little silver at the gambling house. All in all, he's doing pretty well.

Until one day, Bai Yanchuan runs into Yu Heng at the gambling house.

The boy who used to pester him at the Heavenly Secrets Pavilion every day, whether he had a reason or not, and couldn't be driven away.

Now he's an Immortal Venerable, lofty and beyond Bai Yanchuan's reach.

Bai Yanchuan hasn't figured out how to pretend they don't know each other when he hears someone beside Yu Heng ask, "Immortal Venerable, why are you staring at that man?"

Bai Yanchuan thinks: Oh no.

The next second, Yu Heng frowns. "Charlatan."

Bai Yanchuan: "?"

The person beside him: "You know him?"

Yu Heng: "No."

He thinks for a moment, then adds, "I just hate people who pretend to have supernatural powers."

Bai Yanchuan: "..."

Great.

After three thousand years apart, the first thing he says is that he doesn't know him, and the second is that he hates him.

So in the next round, Bai, the King of Gambling, who had already sworn off gambling, takes the dealer's seat himself and pushes the dice cup in front of Yu Heng.

"Please, Immortal Venerable."

*

There are two kinds of people Yu Heng hates most.

Fortune-tellers.

And fortune-tellers who talk nonsense.

Unfortunately, Bai Yanchuan is both.

The trouble is that Yu Heng's fate has been going wrong lately.

He loses every bet, runs into evil spirits whenever he goes out, and has bad luck wherever he goes. Even the evil spirits that steal people's lifespans change course just to attack him.

In other words, he has a dark aura about him.

The Heavenly Secrets Pavilion is at a loss, so Yu Heng has no choice but to seek out the charlatan he likes least.

Unfortunately, the other man is set on playing dumb.

He asks him to read his fate.

Bai Yanchuan: "Can't."

He asks him to examine an evil spirit.

Bai Yanchuan: "I'm nearsighted."

He personally sees him cut a fate thread that only Heavenly Secrets cultivators can see.

Bai Yanchuan: "My hand slipped."

He begins to wonder if this charlatan thinks he's an idiot.

Still, he has to admit...

The charlatan may have a terrible temper, but he's genuinely good at reading fate.

No matter.

Yu Heng has plenty of things, but patience is what he has most.

And so the Immortal Venerable begins his daily quest to block the door, stay by Bai Yanchuan's side, and relentlessly beg him for treatment.

Bai Yanchuan: "I'm not treating you."

The next day, Yu Heng comes again.

Bai Yanchuan: "I'm not reading your fortune."

On the third day, it's still him.

On the Nth day, Bai Yanchuan opens the door and sees the man outside, more than half a head taller than him. His temple throbs.

"Immortal Venerable, what do you want?"

Yu Heng thinks it over, then answers earnestly.

"I want your ability until I'm cured."

A group of children run past, playing. Their voices reach Bai Yanchuan's ears as: "I want you, forever."

From then on, wherever Bai Yanchuan goes, he has a huge tail he can't shake.

Investigating a case? Yu Heng follows.

Drinking? He sits beside him.

Sleeping? He squats outside.

When Bai Yanchuan goes to the outhouse, he secretly takes a winding route down two streets. Then he looks up...

Yu Heng: "You went the wrong way. The outhouse is over there."

Bai Yanchuan finally snaps. "Don't you hate fortune-tellers?"

Yu Heng: "Yes."

"Then why are you following me every day?"

"You're different."

Bai Yanchuan freezes.

Yu Heng adds, "You're especially suspicious."

"...Get lost."

*

At last, unable to withstand his persistence, Bai Yanchuan agrees to read his fortune.

At first, everything goes normally.

Bai Yanchuan puts on a stern face. "Immortal Venerable, your face doesn't look good."

Yu Heng: "Why not?"

"You'll bring misfortune to your wife, children, and closest friends."

Yu Heng: "..."

Bai Yanchuan: "You're lacking virtue in your fate. I recommend a lonely old age. Don't bring suffering to the people."

Yu Heng stares at him for a long while.

"Read my romantic prospects."

Bai Yanchuan figures he might as well, and casually opens his compass.

The compass turns once.

It points at Bai Yanchuan.

Bai Yanchuan falls silent, then turns it again.

It points at himself once more.

A third time.

Still him.

Yu Heng crouches in front of the compass, staring at the needle pointing precisely at Bai Yanchuan.

Yu Heng: "The result?"

Bai Yanchuan expressionlessly points behind himself. "You can see for yourself. Your destined partner is over there."

He even moves aside. "Go on."

Yu Heng doesn't move.

Bai Yanchuan follows his gaze downward.

The needle on the compass has moved an inch with him.

"..."

Bai Yanchuan starts sweating.

The next second, someone grabs him by the collar.

Yu Heng pulls him back, looking from him to the compass.

"Mr. Charlatan."

Yu Heng narrows his eyes.

"I'd say your destined partner is right here in my hands."

*

Later, everyone notices that the Immortal Venerable is acting stranger and stranger.

Before: "Charlatan, stay away from me."

Now: "Where are you going?"

"How long will you be gone?"

"I'm coming too."

Before, if Bai Yanchuan so much as glanced at someone else, Yu Heng would say "You really can't trust fortune-tellers" three times in a row.

Now, if Bai Yanchuan merely talks to someone else for a little longer, Yu Heng appears beside them with a blank expression and takes him away.

"Let's go home."

At last, one of their colleagues can't take it anymore and privately advises Bai Yanchuan:

"Mr. Bai, the biggest taboo in our line of work is falling in love with a client."

Bai Yanchuan nearly spits out his drink.

"Who's in love with him?"

The colleague glances at the Immortal Venerable in the distance, obediently holding Bai Yanchuan's coat and waiting for him to go back together.

"Uh."

"I didn't mean you."

Then he sees the tips of Bai Yanchuan's ears turn bright red.

Colleague: "...I wish you both happiness."

*

This goes on until one day.

When Bai Yanchuan pushes open the door, Yu Heng is sitting by the window, holding a faded sword tassel.

Bai Yanchuan stops in his tracks.

Yu Heng doesn't look up. His fingertip slowly rubs the tassel. "When did Mr. Charlatan learn swordsmanship?"

Bai Yanchuan: "I found it."

Yu Heng nods. "Where did you find it?"

"I forgot."

"What a coincidence."

Yu Heng finally looks up. "I lost one just like it three thousand years ago."

Under Yu Heng's gaze, Bai Yanchuan's fingers stiffen. He turns and walks away.

The chair behind him finally makes a sound.

Just as his hand is about to touch the door...

"Bai Yanchuan."

The man behind him slowly walks over, stopping just one step away.

Yu Heng doesn't touch him. "Are you still going to pretend?"

Theme: There are no easy answers in life, only choices