You Damn Sword Cultivator! Take This Medicine from the Joyous Union Sect!

[The main story has undergone tens of thousands of words' worth of additions and cuts. I take no responsibility for pirated copies. Bonus chapters will drop at random.]

A sword-obsessed, righteous, cold-hearted sword cultivator who follows the Ruthless Dao × a useless little rookie from the Hehuan Sect, five years into her cultivation and three years behind on graduation

Qing Jiu: "Fellow Daoist, would you be willing to hear my heartbreaking story?"

Sword cultivator: "Sure, but could you get off me first?"

Sword cultivator: "And take your hand off me."

-

This is Qing Jiu's third time failing to graduate on schedule.

When she transmigrated, the System swore it would send her to a "lie-flat sect" where she could graduate without a hitch and return to the modern world.

Before she could even finish grinning, she was standing at the Hehuan Sect's freshman initiation ceremony.

Though Qing Jiu had never dated anyone and was as straight as they came, she had one virtue: she was humble and eager to learn!

Her senior sister taught her to make eyes like silk, and Qing Jiu blinked so hard she gave herself dry eye.

Her martial uncle taught her to use music to beguile the soul, so she practiced the suona deep into the night.

Armed with a wealth of theoretical knowledge, she went down the mountain, convinced she was terrifyingly powerful.

She came back in tears with the worst practical-class grades in her year. She had also enraged seven high-ranking cultivators and was being hunted.

With another delayed graduation looming, she set her sights on a ruthless sword cultivator who also had a "kill your wife to prove the Dao" quota, planning to make her move and then run as fast as she could.

She packed her suona and some little pills, left the sect, and ran into a sword cultivator who had just emerged from seclusion.

Qing Jiu rubbed the back of her neck. "His pressure is so intense. I'll pick someone else."

System: "Detected: this is the sword cultivator in all the Nine Provinces who has the least desire to kill you."

Qing Jiu adjusted her hair. "Fellow Daoist, here I come~"

She put two drops of eyedrops in her eyes. "Waaah, this young lady was all alone in these remote mountains and hurt her leg. Please, Fellow Daoist, help me."

Sword cultivator (taking two steps back), righteous to the core: "Trying to swindle me out of my precious great sword? Not falling for it."

She snapped, "Want to fight?"

Sword cultivator: "Then let us fight."

The stars shifted and the years passed. She tried every trick in the book, but that damn sword cultivator kept his robes tightly fastened.

By chance, Qing Jiu learned that her seduction art wasn't the problem. She had been cursed: no one would ever truly love her, and the only way to break the curse was for a male cultivator at the Nascent Soul stage or above to willingly offer himself. Then she could graduate.

With no other choice, Qing Jiu made a deal with the damn sword cultivator: she would risk her life to help him cultivate the Ruthless Dao, and he would offer himself to help her break the curse and graduate. A win-win.

The moment the curse was lifted,

Things went wrong. The seven cultivators she'd failed to seduce before all came in for a kiss.

Turns out, she really was terrifyingly powerful.

Qing Jiu cried for help: "Quick, quick, give me a sword strike so I can go back!"

The damn sword cultivator wiped the blood of his love rivals from his blade.

"I'm done cultivating the Ruthless Dao."

Cultivation stages in this story: Qi Refining, Foundation Establishment, Golden Core, Nascent Soul, Deity Transformation, Body Integration, Great Ascension, and Ascension!

Content notes:

* One-on-one romance, both leads have no prior sexual experience, and all male supporting characters do too.

* In the bonus what-if chapters, she ends up with all the male supporting characters.

*Preview of the upcoming novel, "Even the Demon Lord Has to Be Smooched":

In the Nine Provinces, there are two cultivators who can never share the same ground.

One is Liuguang, the future heir of the Qingyun Sect, known as the cold, taciturn, snow-mountain-like, old-fashioned senior sister whose mission is to fight demons and uphold the Dao.

The other is the great demon lord, the number one villain in the Nine Provinces, whom Liuguang is determined to destroy.

Their first meeting was a fierce battle that blotted out the sky and dimmed the earth.

That night, the demon lord had a dream.

He dreamed that Liuguang, normally frosty and unsmiling, was all over him, smooching him again and again. In the dream, she was a monster, and no matter how hard he fought, he couldn't beat her. The dream kept coming back, one after another.

By chance, he discovered that he had entered Liuguang's dream.

Furious, he stabbed her eight hundred times in the dream that very night

And still couldn't change his fate of being smooched.

Night after night, he wrestled with her in his dreams, vowing to defend his manhood.

Then one day, he was the only one left in the dream.

The demon lord stormed into the Qingyun Sect and saw Liuguang talking with her betrothed, who was about to marry into the sect. The two were discussing friendly cooperation between their sects, the development and changes of the Nine Provinces, and the growing divide between the immortal and demonic worlds.

The demon lord abducted her and took her to the waterside pavilion where they often met in his dreams. Looking down at her, he spoke in a cold voice.

"Smooch me."

Theme: Treat people sincerely and make friends with civility