Officer, You're Feeding the Little Taoist Again Today

Anti-piracy measures are now in place! Also known as The Eight Coffins of the Cursed Lychee. Updates around midnight. The main story is counting down to its finale, with an estimated three or four chapters left. I'm still working hard to get them out! My completed novel about the heir to a Cantonese entertainment family, The Local Boy and the Outsider, is waiting for you in my column. Please dig in! My upcoming novels I Want to Go Back to the Past and A Warm Journey are highly recommended! Your Cantonese romance story factory asks you to remember me (bows). [Protective, Worried Roast Goose Uncle with Extraordinary Talent and Former Detective Top] x [Naive, Gifted, Bottomless-Eating, Human-Shaped Ice Pack Taoist Bottom] [An oddball collection of kinks: size difference + height difference + skin tone difference + age difference + body temperature difference (?) (not really)] [Later on, the roast goose guy goes wild with an iron rod, pounding a little ice cave. Slice-of-life suspense with formations to break, a dash of absurd romance, a little group doting, and lots of sweetness. If it's not sweet, you get your money back.] Liang Yifei has been having a rough time lately. He quit his job and came home to sell roast goose, thinking his life would boil down to three things: chopping goose legs, getting nagged by Grandma to get married, and feeding his starving sons at the police station. Then his beloved boys from the criminal investigation squad brought him a "con artist." A clean-cut little Taoist sat in the detention room, but the moment he opened his mouth, the young intern looked ready to cry. "Miss, you've seen a dead person. There's an aura of yin around your eyes." Then he turned around and drooled over the roast goose the intern had brought him. Intern: Brother Fei! Save your girl, sob! Liang Yifei: We don't need this superstitious nonsense. Little Taoist: Uncle, your brow is dark. I'm afraid you'll suffer a bloody disaster within three days. Liang Yifei: ...Call me big brother. Li Yu has been puzzled lately. His master said he was fated to face a great calamity and sent him down the mountain, leaving him only an expired ID card and the words, "You will eventually meet a benefactor." The world below the mountain is so strange. You have to scan with your phone to pay, city management officers chase people around, and roast goose is ten thousand times more fragrant than the vegetarian food on the mountain. And... that uncle who sells roast goose is so hot to the touch. The way he scolds people is even more annoying than his master's, but the hand gripping his wrist is warmer than a warming spell. Something has happened again at Litang Plaza. In just half a year, there have been frequent deaths from people jumping off buildings. The victims' bodies are found in bizarre states, conspiracy theories are flooding the internet, and the criminal investigation squad is at a loss. Meanwhile, former deputy squad leader Liang Yifei is pulling his hair out over the new "troublemaker" in his home. Liang Yifei: You can stay at my place, but you'll do odd jobs, move goods, and clean every day. And give me three more safety charms. Li Yu: Uncle, are meals included? I want a roast goose leg. Liang Yifei: ...Call me big brother. On the night of the blood moon, the gates of the underworld open. Eight coffins rise, and fate turns cruel. A great formation to refine yin tears the night sky apart as ghosts howl. A small, frail body burns with golden life-fire, blood dripping from a peachwood sword to form a river. A bullet pierces the sky. A bloodstained police badge burns into the formation's core, and the flames of nine yang forces their way through the darkness. "Xiao Yu! Come back!" "Liang Yifei! Get the living out!" "My life has belonged to you for a long time. And only I get to decide what happens to yours!" Reader's Guide: 1. The couple is monogamous, with a 12-year age gap and a happy ending. The top has been set up on a date before, but nothing came of it. They're both pure by my definition, though if your definition differs or you mind the top having had a brief romantic experience, you can consider them both virgins. It doesn't affect the main plot. 2. There will be a little Cantonese dialogue. I'll try to make it more like standard Cantonese-influenced Mandarin this time. Translations are in the chapter comments or author's notes! 3. This is not a typical police procedural. Daily life and ghost-hunting cases coexist. The Taoist magic is my own take on the natural way. Both righteous and wicked practices are fictional, with no exact real-world models. Don't overthink it or take it seriously! 4. The setting is entirely fictional! Please don't connect it to real events or places, and don't take it seriously! 5. The story is split evenly between the characters' points of view, with no particular bias. They're all my children, and I love them all (serious face). 6. We'll hit the fast lane amid tense thrills and peaceful days. As always, buckle up! Cover art by: Chengsheng Sanyi Oh! My dear godmother, I love you (starry-eyed). There are a few more upcoming novels in my column. First up are I Want to Go Back to the Past and A Warm Journey, both set in the Cantonese entertainment scene. My new novels When the World Lost Its Voice and To Have and To Hold, as well as the historical danmei Osmanthus Falls Across the Land, are also waiting for you. If you're interested, visit my column to add them to your favorites and follow me, so you won't miss them when they start. Thanks for your love! (bows) Here's the blurb for A Warm Journey~~ [Rebellious, Runaway, Tsundere, Determined Young Master] x [Cool-Faced, Adorably Nurturing, Free-Spirited Travel Writer] Estimated length: 300,000 words. Traveling south through Lingnan, stopping to eat and wander all the way to the ends of the earth in Hainan. A road-trip food story from beginning to end, a sweet and healing romance, with a guaranteed happy ending. "Even if I turned gay, I still wouldn't marry just because you told me to!!" On the first day after running away from home, Huo Jingyao, the young master of the Huo family who had made that bold declaration, was drenched in a torrential downpour. Thanks to a shady shop's sour bowl of rice noodles, he came down with gastroenteritis and fainted by the road from hunger. When he woke up, he found that an RV owner had picked him up. The owner's name was Wu Yue. He was handsome, and he knew magic. He could always find time-honored restaurants hidden in narrow alleys, and tell the stories behind every star in the night sky. His voice was as light and soft as a nursery rhyme, just like him. The only problem was that he always carried an old suitcase and treasured it like his own life. He wouldn't let anyone touch it. If they did, he'd fly into a rage and throw them off the RV, shouting bang, bang, bang. If Huo Jingyao didn't want to be stranded in the middle of nowhere, he had no choice but to chase after the vehicle. For the nth time, Huo Jingyao was dumped by the roadside and forced to perform a one-man rear-end chase. A handsome guy chasing an RV under the blazing sun was quite a spectacle. Maybe not enough to draw everyone's attention, but it certainly turned plenty of heads. Luckily, Young Master Huo was used to working out at the gym, so this level of exertion was nothing. As for his pride, who in these remote backwaters would recognize him anyway? He'd just eat his way along the route and get some exercise. He pursed his lips. After all, everyone has their secrets. They watched the morning light over the Kaiping Diaolou, tasted steaming late-night porridge at Zhanjiang Harbor, and huddled together to listen to the rain during a typhoon. The sights, sounds, and flavors of the journey, along with its mountains and seas, gradually softened Huo Jingyao's rebellious edges. And at last, Wu Yue's tightly locked suitcase opened for him at sunrise over the South China Sea. Huo Jingyao looked at the treasure inside, and his eyes suddenly reddened. "These are my mother's belongings." "She spent her whole life painting her journeys." "Now that the journey is over, you should go home and get married." Huo Jingyao flared up and pulled him fiercely into his arms. "What marriage? I'm not getting married!" "I'll sing you lullabies for the rest of my life. Let me stay, okay?" Later, the young Master Huo, a staunch marriage refuser, found something much cooler to do than running away from home to rebel against marriage: He traveled with his artist wanderer, eating his way from north to south and painting for the rest of their lives. Maybe I should turn this book into a restaurant-review app (not really). Eat well, drink well, have fun, and sleep well. A cozy, slice-of-life story about savoring life in peaceful times. The couple is monogamous, both are pure, and the story is split evenly between their points of view with no particular bias. They're all my children, and I love them all (serious face). I'm working on the outline now. Come join me for the delivery! Here's the blurb for I Want to Go Back to the Past~~ [Well-Behaved Boy Raised in a Small County] x [Wild Boy from the Big City] At twenty-three, Wen Tong quit his stifling job in the big city and returned to the little county where he grew up. His mother's eye disease had worsened, and she was bedridden, so he had no choice but to go home and take care of her. "Tongtong, you're all I have..." He argued with his mother, then ran away. He ran back home. He dug out an old phone, one of the things his father had left him. As if possessed, he found a charging cable and finally got the screen to light up. A text from six years ago appeared before his eyes: - Would you come with me? - On a rainy afternoon six years ago, Wen Tong met the person who had barged recklessly into his life when he was seventeen. "Hi, I'm Chen Suisheng." He was carefree and passionate, as full of life as an ear of wheat, and completely out of place in this border town. But on another sweltering afternoon, with the classroom fan creaking overhead, he leaned close to Wen Tong's ear and asked: "Wen Tong." "Do you like me?" - His father once asked him, "Tongtong, if Dad died, would you be scared?" Wen Tong had thought, I don't know, but Dad would never abandon me. But later, his father still left. That night, rain poured down. His mother cried herself hoarse at the hospital, and Wen Tong ran away. He fled the hospital and ran home, then fled again, until he had no idea where to go. Then he was pulled into someone's arms, damp and warm, held tight until all he could hear in the world was their heartbeats. "I'll take you with me. I'll get you out of here." "Will you come with me?" - At twenty-three, Wen Tong returned to his hometown and set foot on the ruins of his old school. He climbed the moss-covered steps, pushed open the rusty iron gate, and passed the words left on the blackboard in chalk. "Chen Suisheng." If only he had answered yes back then. If only he could go back to the past. Back to the moments when he made the wrong decisions, back to that rainy night, back to the moment when he didn't dare take the hand reaching out to him. "Would you still come with me?" "...I would." When he came to his senses, he finally found the courage to take the hand reaching out to him. Even though they had both grown into people they no longer recognized. A school story about redemption through memories, and a first love, from ages seventeen to eighteen. The story begins at twenty-three, looking back on the past. It's a sweet story. If it isn't sweet, you get your money back. It just looks a little bittersweet (seriously). Please visit my column and add it to your favorites~~ Theme: Evil will never triumph over good.