The Gutter's History Becomes a Historical Ghost Story

Gong Cun is an ordinary fan of outrageous historical fiction.

Whenever he has nothing to do, he writes wild tales that make people cry, "That's way too much!" Even he can't help bursting out laughing once he's finished.

As long as it's outlandish enough, no one will believe it's true.

"Why did Du Mu write, 'A rider brings dust from afar, and the imperial consort smiles; no one knows the lychees have arrived'? The 'lychees' were actually a reference to Emperor Gaozong of Tang, Li Zhi, whose name was taboo! And Yang Guifei smiled because Li Longji was actually willing to tie up his frail, sickly grandfather with a red cord and give him to her as a present. It was romantic, like the beacon fires that tricked the feudal lords!"

[Li Zhi, tied with a red cord.jpg]

During the Tianbao era, Li Longji received a package. When he opened it, he found his grandfather, who had been tied up with a red cord and dead for years.

Li Longji: ???

Li Zhi: ???

"How could Emperor Huizong and Emperor Qinzong of Song still have children after being taken captive and sent north? Allow me to explain in detail. They say the father and son were so handsome that even in middle age they retained their charm. After being captured, they had the people of Jin keeping them warm beneath the lotus-patterned curtains night after night. Their hormones went haywire, and they even changed sex. Every child they had was one hundred percent biologically theirs."

"Why did the Jin army search the mountains and comb the seas to capture Zhao Gou? Supposedly, when Zhao Gou was held hostage, the entire Jin army had their way with him. In the end, unable to bear the humiliation, he fled in a panic. Having gotten a taste for him, the Jin army pursued him relentlessly. He ran, they chased, and neither could escape."

Emperor Huizong and Emperor Qinzong of Song noticed the Jin people's eyes changing. They had lost interest in the women they had captured and were now reaching for the two of them instead.

Zhao Gou no longer wanted to sleep. Every night, he dreamed he was back in the Jin army's camp, though everything was far more absurd than what he had actually experienced.

Gong Cun (stroking his chin): Let me think. Who should I make up a story about next?

These unofficial histories are entirely made up on the spot, wild and outrageous. They are neither scientific nor historical, and are purely for tormenting scumbags.

Theme: Good is rewarded, and evil is punished.