A Brat? No, an Emperor! (Water Margin)

System: Your mission is to overthrow the Great Song before the Jin Kingdom does!

Zhao Xiaoxing: Got it. From today on, my stage name is Zhao Daji!

System: No. I'm the Brat Simulator System. You're a princess of the Great Song, so you can't follow the Daji storyline. I suggest you change your name to Bear Over All.

Zhao Xiaoxing: ??? A brat is supposed to overthrow the Great Song? What am I supposed to use, the water gun or plunger in your prank shop? You're obviously making things difficult for me, Tiger!

System: If you break the contract, the penalty...

Zhao Xiaoxing: Actually, a water gun and plunger might work. So what exactly is a brat?

System: Cry, throw a tantrum, and roll on the floor.

Zhao Xiaoxing: Got it.

From the start, she found herself trapped in a bandit's den. Weak, pitiful, and helpless, she tearfully dumped a powerful laxative into the communal stew. She also buried firecrackers in every outhouse.

And so, the mountain was soon covered in golden armor, and the pitiful little girl became the bandit chief.

When Gao Yanei harassed her, she put on the aura of a furniture master (Jackie Chan edition) and wreaked havoc at the Gao residence. She ransacked the storerooms and built a beautiful bandit stronghold.

She also locked Gao Yanei and his attendants together, then slipped an aphrodisiac powder (for breeding boars) to everyone except Gao Yanei.

That day, Gao Yanei's screams rang through the heavens.

After wandering into a human-meat bun shop, she decided rolling around on the floor was too low-class, so she used her waistband to hang herself from a ceiling beam.

The shop was suddenly filled with ghostly winds, and Zhang Qing and Sun Erniang screamed as if they'd seen a ghost, again and again.

And so, amid all the chaos, Zhao Xiaoxing went from bandit chief to imperial princess, and finally took the throne that everyone had their eyes on.

*

Can a woman be emperor? The civil and military officials of the Great Song thought not.

Zhao Xiaoxing thought she could. After all, she had plenty of strength and tricks up her sleeve.

Weight-Gain Potion: Is it just a prank potion that makes people fat? No, use it on livestock and crops, and you get thriving herds and bumper harvests!

Super Glue That Never Comes Apart: What's the point of sticking someone to a toilet? It's much more fun to use it to build bridges and pave roads!

Flaming Red Lips Bow: The arrows can only leave lipstick marks on people, but the bow itself is a genuine recurve bow!

One-Hundred-Percent Slip Banana Peel: Toss it into the Jin cavalry ranks and watch them fall over one another. Everyone who's tried it says it's great!

And so the court officials decided she could be emperor after all, because they saw another possibility in her: the possibility of being remembered in the history books and for all eternity!

From then on, that dark era had not only the 108 Demons, but also a shining Morning Star.

No political scheming, all power-ups, a mindless, feel-good comedy. If it sounds fun, please add it to your favorites!

Theme: No matter how difficult your circumstances are, face them with strength.