[A trash-picking, family-supporting, poor-but-proud tree sparrow bottom X a fake-amnesia, pretend-to-be-obedient, pitiful money god top]
My name is Shan Que. I'm a long-tailed tit, and my job is helping people through tribulations.
I secretly helped Gonggong cheat during his battle against Buzhou Mountain, helped the Golden Immortals sever their three corpses during King Wu's campaign against Shang, laid an ambush at Lion Camel Ridge during Tang Sanzang's journey west, and even got paid for my appearance during the Eight Immortals' crossing of the sea...
My record is open for inspection at the Star Lord Siming's office.
But I only helped one person through a tribulation of love:
Qin Wuhai, the money god in charge of trade and wealth.
Passerby: So you're picking up trash here because the money god is your ex-boyfriend?
Shan Que nods: Yeah, pretty much.
Passerby: Can't you just ask him to leave you alone?
Shan Que: You don't understand. A good ex-boyfriend should be as good as dead.
Then came a loud crash from the sky, and a man fell into the pile of trash he'd just brought home.
Shan Que turned around and found his supposedly dead ex-boyfriend.
·
Qin Wuhai had amnesia. He was useless at everything and ate like there was no tomorrow.
Qin Wuhai, after losing his memory: Who are you?
Shan Que sang in a voice as sweet as a nightingale's: Son, son, I'm your daddy~
Qin Wuhai: "Do you hate me that much? Am I the ex-boyfriend you used and then abandoned?"
Shan Que lit three incense sticks for Qin Wuhai and cursed him in a dialect he couldn't understand.
Qin Wuhai: "You admire me that much? I must be the ex-boyfriend you love but can't have, right?"
While accepting a job, Qin Wuhai was tricked by a vengeful ghost and took several blows for Shan Que. Shan Que flew into a rage.
Qin Wuhai: "You're that worried about me? I must be the ex-boyfriend you're about to get back together with, right?"
Shan Que wiped away a tear. "Do you actually have amnesia or not?"
Qin Wuhai tilted his head, closed his eyes, and said, "Ah, I'm dead."
Shan Que: "Get up and explain yourself, you bastard!"
[Bonus scene]
On some day in some month of some year, a certain money god who wished to remain anonymous opened How to Win Back Your Wife After the Crematorium by Moonlight.
"Question 3,886: You deceived your wife, body and soul, then killed her to prove your Dao. How can you win her heart back?
Answer: Absolutely impossible. Stop struggling and turn yourself in right now, you murderer! Your ex-wife will hate you with all her heart and marry a decent man!"
Great. That pretty much described Qin Wuhai's situation.
Except that he was the one who'd been deceived, body and soul; he was the one who'd been killed to prove the Dao; and now he was the one trying to win his wife back.
Theme: Eat well, sleep well, and fall in love
