Evil Wayne, but Raising Kids

Melles has a kind and loving grandmother, a grandfather who is always getting scolded by her, and a dad who's like an evil version of Doraemon.

This is a happy blended family.

When she was three, Dad tirelessly tried to get his counterpart to be her mom. Grandma laughed and said, "Go play house somewhere else!!"

Melles was five and wondered why everyone else's dad was big, while hers was little and dressed in flashy clothes that Melles didn't even own. Most importantly, he never picked her up.

Grandpa: "Because he's a bad kid."

The bad kid teased Melles every day, saying he'd turn her into a "Robin" if she didn't behave. But what was a Robin? Melles had no idea.

Melles was eight. Congratulations! She was the same age as her dad, and almost as tall. Thinking she was all grown up, Dad took her everywhere to show her off. He even wanted to introduce her to all his counterparts and the members of his troupe, who performed the art of maniacal laughter. But along the way, his daughter was "unfortunately" confiscated by the big boss.

The big, cheerful dad said nothing. Melles asked, "Martha says he's an unreliable dad. Are you a reliable dad?"

Big Dad pondered, then nodded. "Yes, I am."

When Melles was an adult, she said, "Dad, I have a boyfriend. He's really cheerful, and he smiles as soon as he sees me."

"Who is he?"

"He smiles just like you. His name is Tim."

"That sounds awful, Melles."

"That sounds wonderful. We'll be a happy family."

[Bonus Scenes]

When Melles was one, her evil dad called her "KittyKitty" all day, so she didn't recognize her own name at all.

At three, Melles entered her shedding phase. Her dad was annoyed by all the fur she left around and tried to throw her out of the manor 137 times. The cat fought back by shouting, "Martha, I don't want this maned dad! Have another one for me, a dad with fur!" Martha said that wasn't possible.

At five, Melles had mastered both two-wheel and four-wheel drive, switching between them with ease. She knocked things over 462 times, made 87 sets of tasseled curtains and tablecloths, scratched through 265 table legs, and ambushed or beat up Dad several times.

Then, at eight, she was delighted to discover she had multiple human climbing frames. Now she had only one problem left: how could she secretly lick their fur, or get them to lick hers?

The cat wants to be the biggest boss!

■ Reader's Guide: I like some hellish settings, so this is my own take on the universe. This is a warm, happy family full of laughter.

■ Please Note: Melles is raised as a child when she's young. As an adult, she travels between the main universe and other universes, bringing her boyfriend along to give everyone a little shock.

Theme: A happy, harmonious big family really is the best!