Shoko Ieiri Doesn't Want to Go to School

Shoko Ieiri, 15 years old, utterly lost. She thinks life is hopeless and her future is bleak, and she doesn't want to go to that, (censored), high school.

She thought her life was already chaotic enough. Why else would her elementary school deskmate be a grim reaper, with cases cropping up wherever he went, leaving her dealing with corpses from childhood?

In middle school, she specifically went to a different school from the grim reaper, only to stumble into a magical basketball court. The rainbow team in red, orange, yellow, green, cyan, blue, and purple all took the court, traumatizing her young mind. Could someone explain why basketball came with lasers? Her materialist worldview was shattered.

No, her worldview was already shattered. Ordinary people couldn't even see the ugly things floating through the air. Heh. Thinking about it that way, life seemed even more hopeless.

And then there were the two older guys next door, always telling her not to drink or smoke, when one of them was a chain smoker himself. I'm talking about you, Matsuda. Don't think I haven't noticed you sneaking cigarettes.

Apparently, the heavens thought her life wasn't exciting enough. Before she started high school, some self-contained System suddenly latched onto her and told her about a less-than-wonderful future.

She would have two scumbag classmates, always arm in arm and causing trouble. Each of them would have one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine ambiguous relationships. Every day would bring heart-wrenching drama, as they wallowed in love triangles, love squares, and love pentagons, arguing over who loved whom.

It's over. Now I want to go to school even less.

Much later, Scumbag Classmate Number One, the white-haired one, leans his long legs against Shoko's shoulder and drawls in a teasing voice, “Oh, so that's how you looked at me at first, Shoko? Honestly, not believing that I'm the cutest and kindest person in the world is really upsetting.”

Scumbag Classmate Number Two, the black-haired one with a catlike squint and a topknot, narrows his eyes too. A sly glint passes through his foxlike gaze. “Yeah, Shoko, that's so mean. How are you going to make it up to our wounded hearts?”

Shoko Ieiri: Heh. You two can go to hell.

The truth is, they really are scumbags.

But they're scumbags she accepts, scumbags who will be her best friends for the rest of her life.

White-Haired Scumbag: “I've decided. I'm nominating Shoko as the Queen of Jujutsu. She'll rule the whole jujutsu world!”

Black-Haired Scumbag: “Sure. Then I'll be her right-hand protector.”

Shoko: Figures. Best friends and all that, you can all just disappear.

Please note:

The story Shoko learns about comes from a fanfic, and a pretty outrageous one at that.

Shoko's ability is actually “Don't Die Yet,” which she usually keeps hidden.

There will be transmigrators in the Jujutsu Kaisen world, and they're all bad news, regardless of gender.

The three Tokyo Jujutsu High classmates will never split up. Together, they'll overthrow the rotten old guard.

The plot is heavily altered and doesn't really cover the later events of the original Jujutsu Kaisen. The author has no idea about things like whether Sukuna-sama got to enjoy himself.

Theme: Old people shouldn't fear the vigor of the young