The Grand Preceptor of Qin

Xu Yi always thought he'd gotten the playboy's life when he transmigrated: born into a wealthy family, with a father and older brother both serving as officials at court, and his father even tutoring the crown prince. The country was peaceful, with no wars. He could coast through life.

Then, during a holiday family reunion, Xu Yi was shocked to discover that he was in the late Warring States period, in the state of Qi. Qi had left the Warring States lords' group chat on its own and hadn't fought a war in fifty years. The crown prince would never ascend the throne, because Qin Shi Huang would conquer Qi and drive its king into a pine-and-cypress forest to starve to death!

With the whole nest about to fall, Xu Yi tried to save himself.

But before he could accomplish anything earth-shattering, he caught a bad cold. A shaman doctor performed a mysterious ritual and offered him a bowl of black, sludgy talisman water. On the brink of death, Xu Yi suddenly sat up and made a batch of pills from Chinese herbs. He cured himself and, while he was at it, dealt with the spring flu ravaging his hometown.

From then on, he became famous.

The chief physician was ecstatic. "Young man, can you make elixirs?"

Xu Yi explained seriously, "This isn't alchemy. It's medicine!"

His explanation was useless. The King of Qi ordered Xu Yi to join a diplomatic mission to attend Prince Zheng's (Qin Shi Huang's) coronation and offer elixirs along with the king's sincere congratulations.

Guiguzi scolded him: "I taught you diplomacy and the finest military arts, and all you want to do is make elixirs?"

Xu Yi: "Master, I'm not making elixirs. I'm making fertilizer and pesticides. The tea plants you love have pests. Why not try berberine, a low-toxicity, eco-friendly option?"

Guiguzi: "Your junior fellow apprentice Wei Liao once helped Lord Xinling lead a five-state coalition against Qin. They dealt Qin general Meng Ao a crushing defeat, forced him to retreat to Hangu Pass, and inflicted heavy losses. Now the King of Qin is on the verge of sweeping across the six states. Go to Qin first and offer these elixirs, cough, your fertilizer and pesticides, to King Zheng. Find a chance to put in a good word for Wei Liao, so King Zheng won't have him beheaded later."

Xu Yi had no words. Guiguzi strongly recommended: "You'd better call this stuff an elixir of immortality. It'll be more convincing."

Xu Yi was going crazy. He couldn't make a damn elixir of immortality!

Both Qi and Qin were ruled by empress dowagers, with powerful ministers calling the shots. The mama's boy King Jian of Qi and Qin Shi Huang, a long-suffering, powerful, tragic hero, shared similar plights and formed a deep friendship.

King Jian wanted to attend King Zheng's coming-of-age ceremony and become sworn brothers with him, but the empress dowager forbade it. So King Jian sent Xu Yi to Qin to serve as King Zheng's health consultant and make him elixirs.

After using an alchemy furnace to make a few glass beads, Xu Yi, who really couldn't make elixirs, was exhausted. "Fine, do whatever you want." (Shrugs.) Do you really have to drag me into your fake-brotherhood roleplay?

He promptly packed his things and set off for Qin.

King Zheng rode twenty li out of the city to welcome Xu Yi. "I've admired you for many years, Mr. Xu. I've longed for you as if I were starving! Your elixirs are amazing!"

Xu Yi, the hypocrite: Qin Shi Huang is so good at this. Are all ambitious kings this shameless when recruiting talent?

Your Majesty, stop taking elixirs and look at me! Medicine, alchemy, sugar refining, salt production, ceramics, black powder, stainless steel, the curved-plow, organic fertilizer, chain pumps...

And tropical lands where rice can be harvested three times a year, as well as the Western Regions, rich in gold, jade, and gemstones, with wonderfully delicious fruit. You deserve them.

Conquering the whole world without learning a foreign language isn't entirely out of the question.

Theme: Face life with calm and optimism, and enjoy every day.