I Livestream Cooking, and the Ancients Are Getting Fat

Food streamer Tu Haoshi starts trying to ride the history section's popularity. She chats about Qin the Tyrant while looking at millet and sorghum, talks about Zhu Ba Ba, Liu Zhu Zhu, and the Su brothers while eating red-braised pork, and peels a lychee to discuss the Tang dynasty's path to strength.

First video: "Attending a Village Banquet: Do the Emperors Envy These Hundred- Year-Olds?"

Emperors have rarely lived long since ancient times. They take pills to cultivate immortality, afraid that their lives will be too short.

We're all mortal, yet you think you're so bold and capable, swallowing a golden pill to become a god. Do you think you're Sun Wukong? He's a stone monkey, so he doesn't have to worry about heavy-metal poisoning.

(Related videos at the end: Journey to the West, How the Great Sage Was Made, The Earth-Shattering Monk Xuanzang...)

Second video: "If You Want to Do a Good Job, You Have to Eat Your Fill (Staple Foods)"

Third video...

After seeing what it means to exorcise people physically, Yuchi, Liu, Li, and the others, who have witnessed the Gatling Bodhisattva, cast wistful, yearning glances at Li Shimin. If monks can ride motorcycles and drive chariots, don't they deserve to have those things too?

Li Shimin: I want a cannon that can level mountains, too, but nobody's giving me one!

The First Emperor, Yang Jian, and Zhu Zhanji hear the sky screen commentary that having a son is worse than having a piece of char siu. Looking at their sons, beaten half to death, they nod in agreement. At least char siu can be eaten, while these idiots only know how to bring down a dynasty.

As video after video plays on the sky screen, emperors with ideals and ambitions continue to govern diligently and care for the people, while the trash are removed from their lofty positions and replaced.

As the common people sample the shared delicacies shown on the sky screen and enjoy the benefits of the new policies, they notice their belts getting looser and looser. The threat of happiness weight is coming!

Theme: Life has a hundred flavors, but in the end, they're all just the five tastes.