Why Is My Consort Unhappy Again?

[Blurb (third-person narration in the story, first-person in the blurb)]:

I'm the heroine of a novel by a failed author.

The author's a newbie who's so bad they can't even pick their nose, writes without an outline, and makes things up as they go, feeding on random plot devices.

Whenever the story contradicts itself, they urgently slap on all kinds of bizarre patches.

When I first appeared, I was an ordinary college student. Now I'm an ordinary...

Concubine-born miracle doctor, imperial consort and spy, a good disciple who can disarm bombs with her feet, a fish-loving fish farmer, a twenty-year-old controversial celebrity, and soon-to-be...

Uh, a reality show mentor for a zombie sumo wrestling competition.

I glanced at the table of contents. We're only at chapter five.

I don't dare imagine what comes next.

*

[Author's note:

Dear readers, which of the men who've appeared so far would you like to see as the male lead?]

The boss who built a hitman organization after being tormented by the author's plot patches: ...

The emperor-CEO who has started calling me Her Imperial Majesty the Empress Dowager after traveling from the past to the present: ...

The director who was so startled when I caught a bullet with my bare hands that he dug a hole and became an ostrich: ...

Everyone: Please spare us!

Facing their eager gazes, I had no choice but to put on a reader's secret identity and attack the keyboard!

[How about dropping the romance? How many lives does the male lead have to dare to mess around like this? Nobody deserves such an "extraordinary" heroine, seriously.]

Three hours later.

[Author's reply:

Dear, let me think about it.]

This was the first time the author, who usually granted every wish, said they'd think about it. I panicked.

The new plot patch would definitely be beyond anything I could imagine.

Sure enough, the next day, everyone on Earth witnessed history...

A gigantic spaceship appeared in the sky.

[Latest author reply:

Dear, you're right. No "human" is good enough for the heroine, so I arranged a male lead who isn't human! Dear, are you satisfied now?]

Earthlings: We're cracking up.

*

Excerpt from the Earth News Agency.

[An alien monster from Slime Star approaches Earth's stratosphere.]

[The despicable alien invaders begin their descent.]

[Slimes occupy the surface.]

[His Noble and Glorious Majesty the Slime arrives today on his loyal Earth, and will immediately marry his Earthly empress.]

*

The whole world was overcome with unease, but the one responsible for it all, "he," only cared about one thing...

Why is my empress unhappy again today?

[Reading notes]:

1. Also known as The Empress of Earth (not really)

2. The news format is modeled on the Paris newspapers that reported on Napoleon.

3. The male lead is an alien, but not necessarily a slime... I haven't decided what kind of nonhuman identity to give him yet... (scratches head) For now, I'll just write it this way.

4. Although the girl is "extraordinary" in every way, she still thinks she's an utterly ordinary college student (The Xi-ge next door: I know this one.jpg).

Theme: Love and salvation