I'm Really Not Into Men!

[Scheming, Obsessive Cross-Dressing Beauty as the Top x Straightforward, Easygoing Slacker Emperor as the Bottom]

Ning Shijia is a slacker emperor, with neither money nor power.

Born a low-ranking son who was never favored, his greatest ambition is to eat a Sichuan pepper grilled fish every day, and his fondest wish is to abdicate as soon as possible.

Life is unpredictable. Of all the princes caught up in the succession struggle, he was the only one forgotten in the cold palace, surviving by sheer luck because no one even noticed him. Then, after the dust settled, an old minister said, "As emperor, you can eat grilled fish every day," and tricked him into taking the throne.

Every day brings endless memorials and incomprehensible texts.

He thinks he will never live to a hundred, and will never get to eat all 36,500 grilled fish.

After Ning Shijia tries and fails time and again to slack off, the Qi family sends their youngest daughter into the palace to become empress.

On his wedding night, Ning Shijia expects a night of romance, moonlit flowers, and tender intimacy.

So why does his new empress, who is waiting for him in the bedchamber with her face covered by a red bridal veil, look even more muscular than he is?!

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Qi Zhen has been ordered to help the new sovereign and put an end to the palace’s languid ways. He resolves to take his younger sister’s place and marry the emperor himself.

On his first day in the harem, he drives out the distracting sounds of music and taps Ning Shijia’s fragile soul with a scroll.

"Your Majesty should settle down and read. Copy this Treatise on the Zhenguan Reign one more time."

On his second day in the harem, he confiscates all the popular romance stories Ning Shijia has hidden in his study, keeping the covers but replacing the pages with the classics.

"Your Majesty is still young. I believe you should read works that lead you down the proper path."

Ning Shijia is left staring in disbelief at the empty covers of his love stories.

On his third day in the harem, Qi Zhen closes down the small kitchen that prepares Ning Shijia’s late-night snacks.

Ning Shijia flips the table. "First it’s this, then it’s that, and now I’m not even allowed to eat?!"

Qi Zhen replies calmly, "Your Majesty eats five meals a day. You should exercise some restraint."

At last, Ning Shijia can no longer put up with Qi Zhen serving as a court official by day and dressing as a woman to manage him at night.

Even harder to accept is that Qi Zhen actually wants to be his "wife"!

Taking advantage of the rare selection of new consorts, Ning Shijia makes an uncharacteristic change of course and urges the Ministry of Revenue to hold the event on a grand scale. He spends the whole day in the Hall of Diligent Governance admiring portraits of the dozen or so beautiful young women about to enter the palace. Finally reassured, he confirms that he is still attracted to women.

But that very night, Qi Zhen puts his phoenix crown and bridal robes back on, his lips painted a deep red.

He wipes the remaining lip rouge from his fingertip onto Ning Shijia’s cheek, leaving an ambiguous mark, then grips Ning Shijia’s chin and smiles without warmth as he speaks gently.

"Am I not beautiful enough, Consort? How dare you still think about someone else?"

Ning Shijia covers his backside and nearly weeps. His ancestors can bear witness: his empress is beautiful, but he really isn’t gay!

Reading Guide:

1. First time for both, one-on-one romance, older top.

2. The bottom is somewhat frivolous at first, a bit unstudious and only interested in eating, drinking, and having fun, but he will gradually mature.

3. This is basically a comedy, so please be kind.

Theme: Please stop being a slacker.