Surely No One Cultivates Immortality with an Air Conditioner Remote
不会有人靠空调遥控器修仙吧
by Seaweed Bunny (海苔小兔)
Synopsis
Promoting my upcoming novel, The Wish-Granting Turtle I Picked Up Is the Demon Lord. The blurb is at the very bottom!
Also recommending my good friend Ming Yujing's novel, Cultivation Is All About Robbing People! It's so good!
On the day of the outer disciples' graduation exam at Linghe Sect, an unprecedented heat wave struck, one that came only once in a thousand years.
The sect leader changed the exam on the spot. The test would be about cooling things down, gauging the disciples' control over their spells to determine whether they qualified to enter the inner sect.
The ninety-nine outer disciples tried every trick in the book, but the best anyone managed was lowering the temperature by a tiny bit within a one-meter radius.
The sect leader watched and sighed, lamenting that the quality of this year's outer disciple intake was far too low.
Then came the hundredth disciple:
Yu Shandie.
She pulled a palm-sized magical device from her sleeve and casually pressed a button.
A beep rang out.
The whole world turned cool.
Sect leader, crying tears of joy: !!!
The elders, weeping with emotion: !!!
The disciples watching the spectacle, jumping up and down: !!!
Immediately afterward, surrounded by a crowd of people, she was accepted as a disciple by Xiao Yanzhu, the swordsmanship prodigy universally recognized by Linghe Sect.
Yu Shandie, scratching her head in confusion: Nobody's yelling at me for setting the AC to 18 degrees?
#The people in this cultivation world are surprisingly nice.
-
Xiao Yanzhu was extremely annoyed that the sect had forced this little disciple on him.
He thought highly of himself and had always accepted only geniuses as disciples.
But this person had useless dual water-and-fire spiritual roots, and was still only at Qi Refining in her twenties. The only thing about her that seemed halfway decent was the strange Heavenly Dao artifact she carried.
Someone like her would probably feel so ashamed of herself after staying in the sect for a while that she would ask to leave of her own accord.
What he hadn't expected was that, in just two short days, his usually fractious genius disciples would dote on this good-for-nothing little junior sister like she was the most precious thing in the world.
Interesting. He would have to see what special skills she had.
One month later.
Yu Shandie: Master, Master! The Fengling flowers have bloomed!
Xiao Yanzhu, thinking: Hmph, just a coincidence.
Two months later.
Yu Shandie: Master, Master! The water spiritual root has mutated!
Xiao Yanzhu, thinking: Hmph, just luck.
Three months later.
Yu Shandie: Master, Master! The Ice-Cold Flood Dragon has laid eggs!!
Xiao Yanzhu, thinking: Hmph... Wait, what??? An Ice-Cold Flood Dragon!!!
#Tsk, maybe this bargain disciple of his really does have some talent?
[Bonus Scene]
The Sword Mound.
Xiao Yanzhu: The cold poison in my body can only be treated with body heat...
Yu Shandie: Got it, got it. I've set the heat to 37 degrees. Take your time warming up.
Xiao Yanzhu: ...
#Does she really have to be this talented at a time like this?!
-
Reading Guide:
1. One-on-one romance, HE. The writing is lighthearted and silly, with elements of group adoration, a bit of groveling, and secret identities revealed.
2. My take on cultivation: Qi Refining, Foundation Establishment, Golden Core, Nascent Soul, Great Ascension, Tribulation Crossing.
3. [Quirky, cheerful puppy] Yu Shandie (ENFP) x [Proud, sharp-tongued swordsmanship prodigy] Xiao Yanzhu (ISTJ).
4. The male lead is extremely punchable early on: emotionally clueless, a total straight shooter, and an old bastard. But later on, he turns into a well-behaved golden retriever, humbly chasing after his wife.
Blurb recorded on 2023.6.11
The Wish-Granting Turtle I Picked Up Is the Demon Lord
For the first seventeen years of her life before transmigrating, Yan Xianyue had only one word in her personal dictionary: miserable.
Her spiritual roots were crippled, and she was expelled from the inner sect.
Her soul sword was broken, and her cultivation plummeted.
She was bullied and could barely get enough to eat.
She thought she would just muddle through the rest of her life like that, until she met a wish-granting turtle on her eighteenth birthday.
Spiritual roots crippled? Free Tiansiang Bone-Regenerating Medicine, use as much as you like.
Soul sword broken? Free Heaven-grade spiritual swords, take your pick.
Not enough to eat? Free imperial feast, eat all you want.
With the wish-granting turtle, Yan Xianyue could get anything she wanted. Her cultivation soared, and she became a dazzling prodigy of Feixue Palace, just one step away from Great Ascension.
There was only one catch: she had to team up with a Dao companion whose divine sense was connected to hers and pass through the Watermoon Mirror.
After being single for eighteen years, Yan Xianyue wasn't worried in the slightest.
With a turtle at her side, how could she fail to find someone suitable to form a bond with?
She could easily pick a hundred or eighty male models over 180 cm tall with eight-pack abs!
Yan Xianyue, pulling out the turtle and making a wish: Ahem, send me some male models!
The next second...
A man's voice came from inside the turtle shell, edged with cold anger.
"I am not enough for you? You still want to form a bond with other male demons?"
Yan Xianyue, flinging the turtle two zhang away in shock: I must have gotten up too fast. Since when do turtles get jealous?
*
The Demon Lord Bian Zhaxing's cultivation was unfathomably deep, and his temperament was cruel and merciless. He had once stormed into the number one sect in the world alone, slaughtered everyone there, and walked away unscathed.
After entering seclusion, his divine sense entered a transparent space, where something calling itself a "Wish System" bound itself to him.
Bian Zhaxing: "You mean that as long as I fulfill her wishes, my cultivation will rise too?"
System: "Exactly! If she cultivates to Great Ascension, you can kill her and ascend immediately!"
Bian Zhaxing valued his cultivation as much as his life. He gave her the finest cultivation treasures, all so he could wait for the day she reached the peak.
But when that day finally came, he saw her lively, petite figure waving as she ran toward him...
All he could hear was the frantic, uneven pounding of his own heart.
*
Bonus Scene:
Yan Xianyue, thinking to herself: Sigh, when will I ever find a suitable alchemy furnace...
Bian Zhaxing looked at the translucent screen before him, where a furnace was priced at ten thousand high-grade spirit jades, and calmly dragged the number up to 999.
The next second, Yan Xianyue stared at the mountain of furnaces, completely dumbfounded.
"I was just making an offhand comment! I wasn't making a wish! And weren't you saying these furnaces were expensive?!"
Bian Zhaxing replied expressionlessly, "I have too much money to spend. I just bought a few."
Theme: Cherish the person in front of you
Tags
In booklists 1
More by this author
Reader comments 29
Translated by Google Translate
Why does the heroine need to prove herself for someone who doesn't like her? Even if the senior sister is a good person, how can she be wronged by a good person without asking her? Since the heroine came to this world of cultivation, no one likes her. In the end, she was drunk when she was with the male protagonist.
... In one chapter, just one chapter, two nameless male cannon fodders who only think with their lower bodies have appeared?
Anonymous: Sisters, should I confess my love to crush? I met him online. He is good-looking and handsome, and he comes from a good family. Although he doesn't have a girlfriend yet, there are many girls who like him. I am very inconspicuous, with an average appearance, and my family has little money, but he is really the type I like. If I miss it, I will regret it for the rest of my life. QAQ... (From a week ago) Anonymous: Ah, one of my sisters asked me how it was going, and he discovered that I was writing a novel. He joked that he would agree to be my boyfriend if I told him my pen name... (From two days ago) Anonymous: How could anyone think that I was directing and acting? I didn't tell any lies, right? (From one day ago) Rabbit: Is the poster's name yxy? Could your crush be bzx? (From today) Anonymous: How do you know? Ah, now that everything has been exposed, I will go all out. Please pre-accept for "The Wish-making Bastard, But the Demon King"! Click to collect to help me express my love!!! (From today)
I don't understand, it's just one chapter, it's disgusting and I don't have to do this
I feel that both the senior sister and the male protagonist are not lovable, but they still want to be nice to the female protagonist, suanQ
. . . I really don't know what this kind of white-knuckle article is worth reading. . The heroine's stupidity and sweetness really made me vomit. I can only read txt. I just like Mei Nan. It has been seven years since I read a novel. It's really rare for me to come across such a novel that has so many shortcomings. . What about the writing style of other bloody novels? Your plot, writing, emotion, characters, traits, and characters have nothing at all. And the air conditioner remote control is so low. . . I really do. . Jinjiang's first e-review. I really can't read it. Don't tell me if you don't like it, don't read it. It's this book that ruined me. It relies on the title of the copy to attract attention. Can't you say it's poorly written?
There are two men who think with their lower bodies appearing in the first chapter. It's awesome. I doubt that what I'm reading is not a novel about cultivating immortals.
Let's change the male lead. This one's the master and the fool.
Spicy Rabbit Head is here! One pre-received coin can be exchanged for an electronic spicy rabbit head! Advance payment for ancient food: "Border Snack Doctor (Food)" "My coffee concubine is also pretending to be a local (food) today" Xianxia pre-receipt: "The wish-making tortoise I picked up is the Demon Lord" "You know how to cultivate immortality" All collections can be redeemed for an additional electronic sweet and sour rabbit head!
Conclusion: The male protagonist is sick, has eyes, and brain. That dragon is more suitable to be the male protagonist than the male protagonist. Next book