An Office Drone Mistaken for a Dragon Among Men

[Misunderstandings Galore] [Absurd, Over-the-Top Comedy]

Lately, the residential compound where a gloomy office drone lived seemed to be getting harassed by some kind of scam cult.

The group called itself the [Transmigration Bureau].

Its members were all good-looking and sweet-talking, but seemed to have something wrong with their heads.

They collected every empty soda can he casually tossed away, treating them like priceless treasures.

"There can be no mistake. The can carries the aura of an unparalleled expert! An S-rank esper! The Dragon!"

Sometimes, when he rushed for the subway at a hundred kilometers per hour and left a handprint on the train, the group would marvel:

"I can feel the indescribable power within! There can be no mistake. Hero of the Dragon, are you protecting this neighborhood too?"

They even fished a rotten apple he'd tossed into the trash can downstairs, cradling it in their palms with shining eyes:

"This is... a large-scale area defense device! I see, so that's why monsters have never invaded this neighborhood. Such a sophisticated design! Lord Dragon, not only is your power admirable, your wisdom is awe-inspiring too!"

In the end, they actually knelt in front of the trash can.

"Lord Dragon, please show yourself! The world needs your power!"

The gloomy office drone: ...What is this massive public breakdown? Have you people been reading too many web novels?

He really couldn't make sense of the scam group's sales pitch.

The gloomy office drone dutifully went to work and came home, then slept soundly, until one day a crab as big as a double-decker bus blocked his way.

"Espers! I'll kill you! Kill the espers! The world belongs to the Roving Bodies..."

The gloomy office drone was terrified out of his wits, but in his panic, his brain short-circuited and he blurted out the most over-the-top line from the power fantasy novels he liked to read:

"You're not worthy of being my opponent!"

He'd only meant to buy some time.

But the next second, a deafening crack split the sky. Thunder roared, and a bolt of lightning came crashing down. It flashed once, and the giant monster was instantly reduced to scraps!

The gloomy office drone: ...

He was stunned. He fled at lightning speed and hid behind a tree.

A few seconds later, members of the Transmigration Bureau hurried over, full of praise:

"So this is Mr. Dragon's power! As expected of Lord Dragon! Not only have you completed thousands of missions in transmigrated worlds, you keep striving to eliminate monsters even in the real world!"

The gloomy office drone looked at his own hands.

So I really am the Dragon? No, no, how could that be? Wait...

He thought back. His only hobby was to imagine himself as the invincible Dragon before bed, saving the world and having a harem of three thousand.

"Even if you don't want to, we'll find you, Lord Dragon!" All the Transmigration Bureau members clenched their fists, brimming with determination.

The gloomy office drone shuddered. A bolt of lightning came crashing down, electrocuting everyone until they were crisp on the outside and tender within.

The gloomy office drone stared at his palm, trembling with wide eyes. ...So all those fantasies of being an invincible Dragon in my dreams... were real transmigrations?!

*

Human society is facing an apocalyptic crisis.

As the legendary savior, the spiritual pillar of all espers, and an unrivaled powerhouse who holds up the heavens, the Dragon must maintain an air of mystery and composure.

But reality is bleak.

The Dragon, whom espers around the world revere as a god, is currently curled up in the corner of his bed, muttering to himself:

"Life is meaningless without a wife... Without a wife, I'll turn evil..."

The Transmigration Bureau's captain looks at the mushroom-shaped clouds of resentment covering the floor and silently puts on women's clothes.

From then on, the ice-cold powerhouse is forced into a [Three Thousand Secret Identities Cosplay] routine:

A gentle saintess on Monday, a pretty succubus on Tuesday, a yandere demoness on Wednesday...

"Lord Dragon, this is your ninety-ninth wife this week. Please stop radiating dark miasma."

"Not enough! Change into another one. Make her white-haired!"

"...Want me to rip up the marriage contract right here and now?"

Bottom: An invincible Dragon who seems all-powerful, but is actually a gloomy office drone who turns into a mushroom when he has no wife.

Top: A cross-dressing powerhouse who can fight and heal, and the increasingly frantic guardian of the savior.

-----Coming soon: "Harem Showdown: The Scumbag Player Only Wants to Level Up Alone." Please add it to your favorites!-----

Want to be the lover of a necromancer? You have to willingly tear out your heart and give it to him.

The necromancer will tuck your heart between his own pale ribs. Then...

He'll share his money, power, strength, happiness, and every damn beautiful thing in the world with you.

But when the time is right, or perhaps when he's grown bored, he'll curse you with his own hands. He'll drain your life, rot your body until nothing remains but bones, and turn the laughter you once shared into tears. Your loving soul, too, will become a wailing, resentful ghost, forever following him around.

Things born in hell are evil by nature, and necromancers are the worst of the lot. Their love is like the ebb and flow of the tide: one moment it's there, and the next it's gone without a trace.

What lasts forever is their unwavering devotion to dragging people into a torturous hell.

The necromancer Leo is no different. He's always ready to plunge a dagger into the chest of his one and only lover.

*

Want to be the lover of a wolf warrior? Oh, sorry, you'll at least have to fight him until you're on the verge of death.

Blood and screams are their love letters, conquest and plunder their confessions. If you're still alive afterward, you've made it.

Wolf clan battles are always to the death. If you become their mate and then play the field, you're in trouble. They'll indulge their most primal instincts without hesitation: they'll force you to take more than you can stomach, then kill everyone around you. They'll elegantly tear apart your social circle, slaughtering every fool who doesn't know their place, then pile the bodies, bloody and dripping, in front of you. They'll grin as if presenting you with the most loyal gift.

The wolf warrior Fenrir is no different. He's always ready to "feed" his one and only mate in all sorts of ways.

*

Want to be the lover of a magical scholar? First, you'll have to satisfy his thirst for knowledge and sign a contract notarized by your soul. It's written in ancient script, with a clause that says, "Willingly become a magical test subject."

He'll sing you love poems written by the ancient stars until your bones begin to crystallize. That's merely the latest milestone in his research on the "rate of magic transfer through the human body."

*

Want to be the butler's lover? Oh, how could you be his lover? You are his most esteemed master. He'll have an expensive, gorgeous gown tailored just for you, and as you struggle, he'll elegantly tighten the silk laces of your corset. "This is to help you maintain perfect posture, my master."

After all, he doesn't want his esteemed master to make a spectacle of himself. In private, as silk presses into your skin and a silver dinner knife turns beneath his fingers in the candlelight, he'll say, "You see, even pain should be elegant."

*

On the land of Beyond, necromancers, wolf warriors, genius scholars... The goddess of fate favors these chosen ones. They have talents, backgrounds, and fortunes beyond ordinary people's imaginations... and the most perfectly suited lovers.

Until one day, they discover that all their lovers are the same person.

*

Ling Xie, the scumbag player who always answers "Very easy" on every game survey, gets a new buff in the immersive online game Beyond: [Harem Showdown].

[Buff Trait One: The Handsome-Man Magnet Law permanently applies around you. Handsome men will always come looking for you, so just wait!]

[Buff Trait Two: Depending on the handsome men around you and their individual traits, your character will receive positive bonuses or negative effects. Stay alert!]

Ling Xie is greatly shocked.

Ling Xie thinks it over.

Ling Xie is extremely excited.

Ling Xie decides to make full use of it.

So Ling Xie tenderly takes the necromancer's cold hand, saves a badly wounded and ferocious beastman, and gives a gentle smile to the inscrutable, cold-hearted scholar... Then, watching the buffs stack higher and higher, Ling Xie smiles with satisfaction, turns around, and runs off to climb the tower and fight monsters. Once the effects wear off, Ling Xie forgets all about them.

What's a mere man supposed to know about the romance of a min-maxer?

Much later, in the real world, Ling Xie takes off his VR headset, ready to upload a gameplay recording and show off, only to find three exceptionally handsome men in bizarre outfits blocking the door. Ling Xie can't help thinking:

How does a proper min-maxer end up getting... topped?

The human heart is full of contradictions. Scumbag player bottom * various men with twisted and unhealthy relationships as tops. Harem showdown, one-on-one pairings at different stages.

Theme: No matter how the world changes, sincere bonds are always the greatest strength. They can dispel darkness and awaken the light.