I Traveled Back to My Childhood to Kill Myself

After school, a woman pinned me against a cold wall, the icy blade of a knife pressed to my neck.

She kept muttering, "As long as you die, no one will remember me..."

I looked at the deranged woman before me, my heart in turmoil. She looked so much like me.

From her, I learned that she was me, grown up.

Me: Why? You know that if you kill me, you won't survive either...

She gave a cold laugh, her expression twisting. "I hate how cowardly you are at this age! Why? Why can't you be stronger? Whenever I think about this time, I feel resentment, I feel sick. I want to die at once! But now I know that if you die, they won't exist in either of our memories anymore..."

"This is the only way to end our pain..."

Me: What do you hate?

Her: "You don't understand... What could you possibly know..."

Me: "I see. You hate your own helplessness. But killing me won't solve anything. You and I will be the ones who die, while they go on living just fine. So why don't you help me deal with the people who caused all this?"

I pushed down her knife and looked straight into her eyes. "So, can you help me escape this pain?"

Reader's Guide:

1. First-person narration.

2. The tone may be a little sad, and there is angst.

3. Feel free to drop the story without telling me.

October 12, 2022. Revised March 10, 2023.

Theme: Never give up on becoming stronger; save yourself.