So You Have a System Too?

After reading the copywriting, I thought it was an interesting setting. After reading the main text, I just couldn't read it. It's really a pity. I would like to give you some suggestions. 1. The scenes and plot development are very jumpy. For example, the previous line is talking about Yan Su's company, and the next line suddenly appears a system talking. This system belongs to Ye Xiaofan. I am completely confused when I read it... 2. There are no transitions and detailed descriptions. The plot development is as if it were turned on at 3x speed. The company transformation, rebirth, interviews, and two different systems were all completed in one chapter. It felt like I saw the outline of chapters 3-5 in just a few minutes. I ate the amount of three meals in one meal without tasting any of it @-@ 3. Because there is no background and details, the logic of the characters can only be understood through their actions, but there is too little information, and many places are completely unpredictable. For example, Yan Su's new chairman, what is the reason? If I make a simple assumption: The company originally belonged to my parents, and he took over because of an accident. Then the question comes again, how is his relationship with his parents? Is he feeling sad and complicated at the moment? Or will your long-cherished wish come true? The description of the character's background and behavioral motivations is basically zero, resulting in no empathy between the reader and the character. 4. The character creation is very thin. Not to mention the supporting roles, the protagonist's personality, strengths, and methods of doing things are not clearly reflected. After watching the movie, the only impression I have is that Yan Su is good-looking, and Ye Xiaofan is clear and stupid, not like a normal person. Moreover, Ye Xiaofan's words were so... Refined, and Yan Su's reaction was very dull. The personality charm of the protagonist is not apparent. The interactions between the protagonists and between the protagonist and the supporting characters are very simple, like a passerby NPC in a stand-alone game, a plot-driven machine with little emotion per person. 5. The timeline narrative is very vague, which is also related to the fact that the plot is too fast. According to my understanding, the timeline should be as follows: [Yan Su] became the chairman and unexpectedly obtained the system → decided to change the company's main business to games and strive to bankrupt the company (although I don't quite understand the logic of this system, but the setting seems to be like this) → need to recruit new personnel. [Ye Xiaofan] obtained the system through time travel and was ready to show off his talents; found out that Yan Su's company was recruiting and submitted his resume (there is a ambiguity here. It is difficult to judge the order of the two things. I don't know whether the resume was submitted by the original owner or after rebirth) → Interview, but I don't know what position → Pass the interview and become the director. After sorting it out in this way, I found that the author wanted to write a lot of things, but each node ended hastily in a few words, which would lead to a poor reading experience. It seems that Luo Liba is a bit long. If I misunderstood or said something wrong, please ignore it. Come on!

Congratulations on opening the article (by the way, what was the previous copywriting?)

Ah, I saw an incorrect sentence when I first came in. I'd better revise it if I have time. I didn't think that double negative means affirmation.

"Go and criticize Yan Su." Catch a big bug for the author~ Ye Xiaofan

This name reminds me of some bad memories. Is this a textbook or a game?

"There is no way to save my own company." This is a big bug for the author~ Based on the above, it seems that he is not believed to be able to save the company.