Please, Get a Grip

[Silly daily life in an endless gauntlet world, lighthearted, funny, and full of snark. No paid chapters during irregular updates.]

"Random Ability, activate!"

[Superpower: Eagle. Your mobile limbs turn into eagle wings. Duration: 5 minutes.]

The legs Night Duoji had tucked beneath him suddenly swelled, transforming into enormous, double-jointed eagle wings that burst through his pants. Night Duoji stared in shock as he flapped his massive wings and wobbled up into the air... only to turn human again five minutes later.

Night Duoji: ...

A refreshing experience unlocked.

"Random Ability, activate!"

[Superpower: Fart Barrage. Eighty-one rock-hard farts strike in rapid succession, continuously bombarding your target.]

Night Duoji was sitting on the ground and hadn't even had time to react before his own farts blasted him two li away. His pants were blown off from the knees up, leaving him in just the legs of his pants, face down on the ground, foaming at the mouth and unconscious.

Night Duoji: ...

Refreshing experience +1.

"Random Ability, activate!"

[Superpower: Hair Removal. The fur of any animal you touch will instantly fall out.]

Night Duoji excitedly grabbed two wild chickens and stroked them with both hands, sending feathers scattering to the ground. A few soft feathers landed on his head. He casually brushed them away, revealing a five-finger-shaped bald spot on the back of his head.

Night Duoji: ...

"Screw this useless Random Ability System! Aaaah, give me my hair back!!!!"

But the useless System only handed out abilities and offered no aftercare, leaving Night Duoji feeling like the world's biggest sucker at every turn.

Fortunately, Night Duoji had teammates:

A clueless captain even more useless than his random powers, the powerful healer Jimu Liang.

A two-meter-tall, muscle-bound support teammate who could fight and run, but was adamant that he was a cute little girl. A burly sailor.

Night Duoji clutched his head in despair. "...Are you all crazy? I'd be better off without teammates like these!"

But... in a gauntlet world where everyone had only three lives, only trustworthy teammates could be relied on to watch your back.

And after supporting each other through one challenge after another, the three of them uncovered the truth behind this "Death Tournament" world and created a legend by transforming it...

Note 1: Character profiles occasionally appear in the author's notes. They are titled with the character's name.

Note 2: I don't think this really counts as plot-driven (scratches head). It's more like a silly slice-of-life story?

Note 3: There may occasionally be a little Lovecraftian horror, so your sanity might take a hit.

Note 4: I have a day job and write slowly.

Theme: Give sincerity, and you'll gain friendship.