Six Obscure Monsters Become Famous Through a Group Variety Show

[Completed, a zany, nonsensical comedy. The next book is The Panda Who Exposed Fakes and Became a Star. Blurb below.]

[Revised the text, so it differs from pirated copies. Please support the official version!]

Bai Miaomiao came down from the mountain to chase her dream of joining the entertainment industry. Thanks to their good looks, she and her friends were signed by a talent agency and debuted as a group.

But less than a year after their debut, the company went bankrupt and the boss fled. The group "Cats and Dogs" fell from the 38th tier to the 108th.

For the sake of their dreams, one cat and five dogs kept struggling in the entertainment industry. Seven years later, they were still... getting nowhere.

Before quitting the industry and returning to the mountain, the six spirits pooled their life savings to film a group variety show as a memento of their pursuit of fame.

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When the show was first announced, the handful of comments from casual viewers read:

Netizen A: "Cats and Dogs"? Who?

Netizen B: I looked them up. Apparently they're a washed-up 108th-tier group from hundreds of years ago. No one in the entertainment industry has even heard of them.

Netizen C: Tch, just washed-up nobodies making one last desperate attempt. Who has the time to watch this stuff?

Netizen D: Are the standards for the entertainment industry really this low now? Any old cat or dog can debut?

Netizen E: Artists who deliberately play the victim for publicity will always be bottom-of-the-barrel nobodies~

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Before the show began, the six spirits spread the word to all their friends and posted announcements on every social media platform.

Their hard work paid off at last. On the first day of the livestream, they had several hundred viewers online, less than a tiny streamer on Douyin.

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That night, a content creator uploaded a video titled "The Poorest Group Variety Show on the Entire Internet, Bar None." It racked up a million views overnight, and plenty of people were persuaded to check out the livestream.

While fishing by the river, a fully equipped angler spent the whole time catching nothing. Bai Miaomiao had only a bamboo pole and some earthworms, yet a school of fish circled her line, then obediently queued up to bite one after another. She filled her basket in no time!

Viewers: ?

Are those pet fish? Why are they so well-behaved?!

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By the roadside, Lin Shiqi had his fortune told and was informed he would never find love. He scoffed. "Fortune-telling is just superstition. My fate is mine to control, not Heaven's!"

The next second, his left eyelid twitched. He was instantly excited. "A twitching left eye means money, a twitching right eye means trouble. Sir, take a look for me. Am I about to get rich?!"

Viewers: ??

So you only believe in superstition when it suits you?

.

The group encountered a thick fog while climbing a mountain. Through the haze, they seemed to see Buddha's light shining everywhere, with Buddha himself appearing in person! The six hurriedly knelt and bowed, and the more than a hundred tourists behind them followed suit, kowtowing and making wishes.

But when everyone climbed up, they discovered it was just a photo playing on an LED screen at the summit.

Tourists: ...

.

Viewers: ???

An electronic Buddha?

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Netizens: This variety show is actually kind of something?

During the final livestream, the number of viewers online topped one hundred million!

Cats and Dogs' Variety Show made a spectacular comeback, rising to the top of the year's variety show ratings and becoming a phenomenal livestream series!

The big-name investors and variety show directors who had ignored the six before were now rushing to offer them contracts, promising fees of over a hundred million!

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Just as they were becoming famous, however, news broke that the six planned to quit the industry and return to their hometown to farm.

The entire internet: ???

Quit the industry? You're so young! How could you even think of something as terrible as retiring?

Don't go! The entertainment industry can't do without you!

.

Reader's Guide:

1. Bai Miaomiao (calico cat), Mu Bian (Border Collie), Lin Shiqi (Husky), Jin Can (Golden Retriever), Du Bingyue (Doberman), Chai Congming (Shiba Inu), Tang Lasi (Alaskan Malamute)

2. The main cast consists of six people, with no single designated protagonist. Their screen time isn't evenly distributed, some have more and some less. The focus is on the main plot, with basically no romance. Please give it a try only if you're okay with that~

3. The characters aren't based on real people. Please don't mention real-life people, other novels, or characters in the comments, to avoid arguments. Such comments will be deleted. Thanks for understanding~

4. [Important] This is a silly, fluffy comedy written on a whim, with no depth, just for a laugh. It's zany and nonsensical.

If you're okay with all of that, leave your brain in the relaxation area, grab some sunflower seeds and milk tea, and click in to read~

[22.7.30]

The Panda Who Exposed Fakes and Became a Star on an Antiques Appraisal Variety Show

The giant panda Hua Hua had slept for a hundred years. When her mountain was seized, she was forced to descend into human society. Penniless, she happened to get a chance to appear on an antiques appraisal variety show.

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The judges on Expose the Fakes are renowned appraisal experts from all over China and even around the world. It's a hugely popular show that everyone is looking forward to.

But when it aired, viewers stared at the unfamiliar Hua Hua in bafflement. Did some random person wander onto the set? Is she even as old as my shoe size?!

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On the show:

Guest A brought out a painting titled The White Bear Eating Bamboo Shoots, looking proud. "This was passed down through my family. It was painted by a renowned master and is priceless!"

The experts studied it for a long time. "It looks real, incredibly real!"

Hua Hua yawned. "It's fake."

Everyone: What makes you say it's fake?!

Hua Hua: Because the real one is at my place.

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Guest B brought out an antique silver dagger with an engraved floral design and boasted, "I spent a fortune tracking this down. It's been passed down for a thousand years and is still razor-sharp!"

The experts examined it closely. "It's real, more real than a Zhenzhigun lollipop!"

Hua Hua suddenly rolled over. "This one's fake too."

Everyone: Oh? Don't tell us the real one's at your place too?

Hua Hua: It used to be, but it's gone now. I threw it away because it couldn't cut bamboo...

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Guest C brought out several smooth, round, black beads and scoffed. "These black stone beads have gorgeous patterns and a wonderful fragrance. They're harder than diamonds! They're family heirlooms, so they can't possibly be fake!"

The experts hesitated. "Well... we've never seen anything like them."

Hua Hua suddenly lowered her head, her little face turning red.

Everyone: What, are you jealous? Want some for yourself?

Hua Hua: Those are... dried giant panda droppings...

Everyone: Do you even hear yourself right now?!

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After the episode aired, Hua Hua became an internet sensation as the fake-exposing expert. Suspicion, doubts, and even insults came pouring in from all sides.

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But then people discovered that the antiques experts were all calling Hua Hua their teacher and asking her to teach them how to appraise antiques and spot fakes. Influential figures from every walk of life were also bringing their treasures to Hua Hua, offering a million yuan just to have them appraised!

Everyone: Tell us! Do you have magical eyes, or are you carrying a treasure bag?! (kneeling in worship.jpg)

Later, Hua Hua sprawled on the sofa, drinking milk from a basin as she watched the balance in her bank account keep climbing. She sighed. "Sigh, I'll never spend it all. There's just no way."

*

One day, someone took a photo of a garden at a top-tier estate in the capital. It was filled with a sea of bamboo.

When curious visitors went to check out the estate, they spotted two familiar figures in the bamboo grove.

Hua Hua, the famous fake-exposing expert, was sunbathing in a rocking chair. Beside her sat a cool, abstinent CEO who usually appeared only in the financial news. Now he was wearing an apron and peeling bamboo shoots for her.

Netizens: ...?

Do rich people really live such simple, down-to-earth lives?!

[Sweet and adorable / a little slow on the uptake / easygoing foodie giant panda heroine × conscientious housekeeper / jealous type / skilled cook Chi You hero]

Me, the Little Orange Cat: Matchmaking at the Cat Cafe

Hi, aunties! Don't scroll away, it's me! Ju Miaomiao!

I'm a little stray cat. Not long ago, a cat demon brought me to his cat cafe.

There are more than a dozen cats at the cafe: kittens, adult cats, purebreds, mixed breeds, healthy cats, disabled cats...

Our daily routine is to wash up and eat breakfast in the morning, then start our required cat education classes:

One: How to win over humans so they'll want to adopt us.

Two: How to make humans adore us so much they can't eat or sleep without us.

Three: How to become the rulers of our human families, so people of all ages and genders bow down before our adorable bellies!

You'd think that after learning all these required cat lessons, we'd have no trouble fooling humans and getting adopted into their homes, where we'd live in luxury.

But for some reason, I realized everyone was dead set against being adopted.

The clever little tabby pretends to know nothing during every cat exam.

The tidy little lion always pretends he can't find the litter box and poops elsewhere.

The prettiest, most popular, and sweetest ragdoll in the shop always throws a tantrum and scares people away just when they're about to adopt her.

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I didn't understand, so I went and asked them.

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The little tabby said, "Hmph! Humans are all bad. They dumped me on the street when I got sick, leaving me to become a stray nobody wanted! I don't want anything to do with humans!"

The little lion said, "When I was little, I was kind of dumb and didn't know how to use the toilet, so that person hit me. But she only scolded and hit me. She never taught me how to use the toilet. Now I'm smart and tidy, and I know how to go potty, but I don't like humans anymore!"

The ragdoll said, "I'm one year old, and I've had four owners. Before adopting me, every one of them promised to take good care of me, but after just a few months, they all abandoned me for one reason or another...

This kitty's heart has gone cold!"

Oh, so that's what happened!

But don't close your hearts to love, everyone. There are still lots of good people in this world! Let Mimi help you!

-

After six months of hard work:

The little tabby showed off the pet health insurance his owner had spent a fortune buying for him.

The little lion showed off his super beautiful, luxurious cat-only toilet.

The ragdoll showed off how her whole owner's family had fallen under her spell, fighting over who got to feed her...

Me: Yay! Mimi is so amazing! (hands on hips.jpg)

*

Looking at the empty shop, with no people or cats left, I crawled into the manager's arms and gazed up at him. "Manager, would you like an owner who'll cherish you and hold you in the palm of their hand?"

The usually taciturn, aloof manager suddenly grabbed me by the scruff and stared at me. "Cherish my ass! I'm a Siberian tiger, purebred! What business do humans have raising me?!"

Ju Miaomiao, the Siberian tiger's number-one fan: "Then can you raise me for the rest of my life, Manager? Ju Miaomiao is a tiny Siberian tiger too! Awooo~"

Theme: Anyone with a dream can achieve great things.