All I Can Do Is Curse

I wrote my thoughts, but they were more like casual thoughts. I thought about it and decided to leave a record. Please don't mind. What I have been thinking about after reading this article is, is the protagonist's final blessing really worth it? But when I asked this question, I realized that I had a certain degree of arrogance. Perhaps because this is the first person, I unconsciously think about what I would think when watching it, but because I don't have a girlfriend who falls in love with this story, I don't understand the protagonist's choice to sacrifice for love. (Perhaps the most fundamental reason is that unlike the protagonist, my girlfriend doesn't seem to have any sexual attraction to me.) In fact, it took me re-reading the story several times during this period before I realized that the protagonist might actually be in love with his girlfriend. The protagonist should have been attracted by her appearance at first, but it was not until the protagonist gained so-called resonance and understanding in the process of interacting with her that he really fell in love with her. And why can't I like this girlfriend? …Because I feel like she's been cheating on the protagonist. I understand that those deceptions may be the girlfriend's way of survival, and her true feelings are real, and the resonance with the protagonist's experience is also real. But I still want to question everything about my girlfriend. Because the girlfriend looks pretty, all it takes is a little bit of empathy to make the protagonist fall in love with her, and then the protagonist can willingly go to the "end". So I suspected that there was a purpose behind all her actions, just like what she got now. To me, I felt like the main character was deceived even though he was willing. Because of this, perhaps I can't understand the final protagonist's choice even more. I was wondering again, was it because God deprived the protagonist of his "anger" that the protagonist finally chose "love"? When my girlfriend said, "If it were her, she wouldn't let go of her anger." "What is angry is being dominated and not being free." ', I felt a certain degree of shifting concepts. When the protagonist decided to bomb his alma mater, it was because he was angry at injustice. My girlfriend said she understood the protagonist, and the part she understood was about the right to choose free will. I can understand this part. But anger itself is self-will and part of the self-subject. The anger of being forced to let go of oneself is also being controlled. Therefore, I suspect that it was precisely because the protagonist was deprived of "anger" that she finally chose to bless her girlfriend. That anger was the origin of her choice to use "curse" to fight the world. When she lost that anger, the foundation of her curse would only be loosened. Therefore, in the ending, the protagonist chooses to bless his girlfriend out of "love" and let her be free. That's right, the last "love" was actively chosen by the protagonist. But I feel that love here is not much different from the "great good" that the church talks about. Because what it ultimately leads to is actually "sacrifice oneself and help others." To me, as long as God exists, the protagonist is the one who is exploited. When the protagonist says, "The freedom I have enjoyed, let her enjoy it too!" "When I read this sentence, what I thought of was, under God's system, has the protagonist ever enjoyed true freedom? After all, does the protagonist really gain anything by paying the price for the curse? No, at least not in my opinion. Blessing and curse are two sides of the same coin, and it is more of a sophistry to deliberately distinguish them. In terms of the outcome, the protagonist compromises with what she has always hated, and ends up being sacrificed just like Angria. Maybe she felt that it was her independent choice and her free will, but in the final analysis, she was still sacrificed and dominated in the end. But, then again, this story is written in the first person, and the character of the girlfriend is actually a bit vague. In the context of the protagonist, the girlfriend seems to be more like a symbol, or a projection of the protagonist's self. In other words, to a certain extent, it doesn't seem to matter whether I am struggling with whether the girlfriend is really a liar. Just like in the ending, the protagonist doesn't care whether his girlfriend really becomes his girlfriend. The sentence "I am satisfied" is more like the protagonist's self-persuasion and self-movation. However, I don't know if it's because I've never loved before, so I think about whether it's really "worth it" to sacrifice my freedom for love? ... At the end of writing, I still couldn't understand the protagonist, but that's how I think at this stage. But maybe it's because I can't fully understand it that many fragments always linger in my mind. This is also the charm of this story. What I want to say is, thank you, Mrs., For always writing soul-touching stories. I love them! PS. By the way, while I was reading, the melody of Caodong No Party's "Mud" unconsciously sounded in my mind: "The fairness I want is all made up by the unfair~"

It's so well written, I feel like I've discovered a treasure trove of authors.

It's actually be woo woo woo