Content warning: The protagonist is not sexually pure due to the requirements of the mission. Read with caution, read with caution, read with caution!
1v1
The love interest and protagonist are the same two people from beginning to end.
Quick transmigration, the above is the first world.
Protagonist: Bai Xingjian
Love interest: Shen Mo
Supporting character: System (other characters omitted)
Shen Mo, a boy raised deep within the palace, began fighting on the battlefield at fourteen. He fought his way through countless dangers and survived many brushes with death, eventually taking over as commander of the Great Yu army and becoming a renowned God of War. When he rebelled at seventeen, his fate took a turn. Lord De, who had always kept out of worldly affairs, unexpectedly approached him, hoping to become his ally. Shen Mo was surprised, then realized that Lord De seemed rather different from the rumors...
Shen Mo: "Father~" (pounces on him)
Bai Xingjian's inner thoughts: Shen Mo is still an underage boy without a father. A hug won't hurt. (maternal instincts overflow)
Shen Mo: "Father~" (bites his earlobe)
Bai Xingjian dodges, thinking: The little wolf's way of showing affection is quite unique. He bites people's ears like an animal.
Shen Mo: "Father~" (asks for a kiss)
Bai Xingjian keeps dodging. "You should get married. Stop clinging to me all the time."
Shen Mo draws circles: "Father doesn't like me." He sneaks glances at Bai Xingjian as he draws and complains, "Father Emperor never comes to visit you. Why don't you be with me instead?" (sulking and playing the victim)
Bai Xingjian: "Get lost."
Shen Mo: "The most handsome man in the capital, graceful and dashing, and the invincible God of War, Prince Yu. Father isn't even a little tempted?" (looks expectant)
Bai Xingjian gives Shen Mo a look of "concern" as if he were an idiot.
Shen Mo hugs him and plants a loud kiss on his forehead. "It's fine. I'll just be the one who likes Father." (expert at comforting himself)
Theme: Those who save others save themselves
Madam, you can work on it a little more. This introduction is difficult to attract readers. This introduction alone gives people the feeling of reading a few Danmei books and then writing it. The dialogue of the protagonist feels inexplicably familiar and awkward, as if it is copying the typical sayings of "Gong Declaration of Sovereignty". My wife is probably not very old, so she can take her time.
There are too many secondary characters to remember. In the great novel I have read (also a fast-travel novel), the author weakened the details in order to highlight the plot and character. In addition to the names of the protagonist and the main supporting characters, parents directly call Bai Daddy and Bai Ma (surnamed Bai), and brothers (not important) directly call Bai one, Bai two, Bai three (it's the ranking, not the name)
Hahaha, I came from station B to give some advice. First, this copy is too unattractive and it would be best to make it shorter. At present, this is like a paragraph cut directly from the article. You can learn how to write the copywriting of the hot list. The second is text formatting. Nowadays, most people use mobile phones to read novels, so they (should) be more accustomed to the format of short paragraphs and multiple blank lines. After all, we write fast-food novels, and most readers read them at a glance. Madam, you can try to divide it into more paragraphs, with three or five sentences as one paragraph, and add an extra blank line after a small plot point. Some parts that can highlight characters and plots can even be used as a paragraph in one sentence or one word. In this way, at least the readers will not see it as a monotonous text, but with highlighted and focused points. Even if they do not read it carefully, they can still grasp the main points of the plot and continue. Finally, I'm just a poor reader, and I can't comment on the writing style. I wish my wife better and better~
The author's writing is good! There are just some twists that feel quite awkward! The logic is just a bit stiff!
Then I feel like there are a lot of ritual conversations. The plot feels like it has ups and downs but it doesn't seem like it has any ups and downs. In a word, I feel so tired watching it.
Haha, here I go again (^3^)╱~~ We don't know if there are many readers who like those cool stories with golden fingers. Personally, I prefer cool stories where the protagonist reaches the top due to his own character and ability. Otherwise, if the protagonist's own ability is not suitable for Goldfinger, I will feel that I can do it well, or even do better than him. I don't spend time reading the article to read Five. Therefore, I prefer a story that is too big, covering up the special characteristics of the protagonist, and making people feel that it can be pushed forward even if the plot is changed.
I came from station B and have some immature suggestions (in my opinion) I am the kind of reader who is very picky about reading and the first chapter doesn't attract me and I just leave immediately. So I hope that there will be conflicts at the beginning to advance the plot, or the character's personality will be initially revealed (your character's main personality!). I'm disgusted with the kind of story that drags out plots and lays out useless backgrounds. I think good writing always adds background narration when necessary as the plot progresses. Instead of laying out the background densely at the beginning and letting readers deal with it themselves. And I think the system in the first chapter has too many roles, taking over the main role. I only read the first chapter but not the rest, so I don't know what kind of character the author has set for the protagonist. Just talking about the first chapter, I felt that he was being led along by the system, like a loser, and he couldn't be such a great boss - my subjective bias was formed. These days, people read online articles. Some of them are just for one word - fun, and some are for the protagonist with a unique personality... You have to figure out what your selling point is. But characterization is always inescapable. You can take a look at the unique personalities of the protagonists in your favorites, and then set up the characters you want, and then show them in the course of events and descriptions. Never point them out directly! The characters are alive when the readers feel them, which is different from the settings forced on the readers. A little bit of humble knowledge (?° ???°)?
The author is great, I like Shen Mo very much, his way of speaking is reasonable and his handling of things is even more refreshing. I saw the author's new article and it was locked. I really want to read it. Come on, hold on. Shen Mo! Ox.
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Why is it called Bai Xingjian, why not Bai Juyi?