The Princess Stole the Dragon's Lair [Western Fantasy]

[My next novel, The Princess Woke Up One Morning as a Village Girl Delivering a Calf, is now serializing. Please check it out!]

A wicked dragon feared across the continent has worked diligently for hundreds of years. At last, he's earned enough quest points to retire, take his pension, and return to his lair for a peaceful dragon's life.

But just as he folds his wings atop the tower, which he hasn't visited in ages, a little princess huffs and puffs her way up the rope ladder.

Their eyes meet. The burglar is brazen enough to declare, "Starting today, this tower belongs to me."

The seventeen-year-old princess plays dirty, tricking and ambushing a four-hundred-year-old retired dragon.

And what's worse! Even though he hasn't done anything, the hero guild's quest System automatically decides he's kidnapped the princess?

[Beep. The quest to rescue Princess Pickivino is now available. Brave heroes, sign up today!]

And when the heroes arrive one after another to "rescue" him, the princess hefts her weapon without changing her expression.

"If you want to live, hand over your money."

There is definitely something wrong with this princess!

The wicked dragon prays every day that a hero will come and save him from the princess's clutches.

Of course, he means a real hero,

not the bizarre weirdos who have somehow crammed themselves into his tower.

"I mean you! You weird old men who put the princess above everything! You workaholic errand boys who do nothing but fish and cut grass! And you, the lecherous mage who uses slimes as a bra!"

Could you show a terrifying wicked dragon even the most basic respect?!

*

The dragon doesn't yet know that one day, he'll actually commit the kidnapping he was falsely accused of.

And he'll do it willingly.

*Fierce hunter princess x trouble-averse, tsundere, good-hearted old dragon

*Most of the characters are idiots (with a few screws loose)

*Looks like a Japanese-style RPG on the surface, but the worldbuilding is a chaotic mishmash. An irreverent fantasy story that goes completely off the rails, with lots of anime and manga references

*Cover artist: Heixian

*Coming soon: a goofy fairy tale in the same universe, After the Happy Ending, the Merman Prince Doesn't Want to Come Ashore

In a shipwreck, a mermaid prince saves a princess who has fallen into the sea, and the two fall in love. After overcoming a series of misunderstandings and obstacles, they finally understand each other.

Just like in a fairy tale, they confess their love on a seaside reef, hold each other close, and welcome a beautiful sunrise and a happy ending.

Then the princess and the mermaid prince each take out a bottle of potion.

Princess: If you drink this, you'll get human legs and can come back to the palace with me to get married.

Mermaid: If you drink this, you'll grow a beautiful tail and can come live with me beneath the sea.

They fall silent, then stare at each other in disbelief.

Princess and mermaid: Are you kidding me!

Princess: You expect me to go live with you underwater, in a dark, damp place where all you ever eat is fish and seaweed?

Mermaid: You expect me to give up the most beautiful tail in the entire sea, stick on a pair of wooden legs, and get scorched by that fireball of a sun in the desert?

The lovers part ways in anger.

The next day, the undersea world's headlines report that the young prince was maliciously poisoned during lunch, turned into a human on the spot, and nearly drowned in his own palace. The Sea Witch is doing everything possible to save him.

Meanwhile, panic spreads through the palace of the Kingdom of Ulilanbai. Someone has put an unknown potion in the princess's usual tea, and after drinking it, she rushed into the bathroom and refuses to come out.

The culprits are obvious.

In this country where desert meets sea, a battle of mutual poisoning has only just begun.

Theme: Don't forget to smile. Let's all have fun together!