Withdrawal Symptoms

Fu Chenxi, the quiet one, and Shi Tingling, the seductress

Mean top and scummy bottom

Ages 22 and 30, eight-year age gap

Fu Chenxi was not originally called Fu Chenxi.

Her name was Fu Lei. Its pronunciation sounded like “burden,” and that was what everyone thought of her: her father refused to acknowledge her, her mother did not love her, and she grew up with her grandparents. But even they thought she was a burden and never treated her kindly. From a young age, she learned to be obedient and never cause trouble, always smiling no matter what her grandparents said. Even so, they only raised her until she was sixteen, then refused to take responsibility for her any longer.

She chose the name Chenxi herself. She thought dawn was beautiful: that first glimmer of light on the horizon sounded full of hope.

Shi Tingling was beautiful and dazzling, like a distant, unreachable moon. She was the unattainable love in many people’s hearts, and the person Fu Chenxi had quietly loved for years.

Going to bed with Shi Tingling was the most outrageous thing Fu Chenxi had ever done.

Fu Chenxi thought Shi Tingling liked her too. She thought they kept their relationship secret only because Shi Tingling was an actress and could not let people know. She thought Shi Tingling was different.

Until Shi Tingling told her to her face: she was only with her to ease her sex addiction. She was getting engaged. They could keep things as they were, but if Fu Chenxi could not accept that, she could get lost.

Fu Chenxi really loved Shi Tingling, but she could not bear to become a mistress like her mother. She also could not accept that Shi Tingling loved someone else, not her. She had always been an obedient, taciturn girl, so when Shi Tingling told her to get lost, she really did.

Only later did she learn that Shi Tingling’s fiancée was her half-sister. So it was her sister. Her sister was kind, beautiful, and from a good family. Fu Chenxi had lost completely.

But her sister already loved someone. Did that woman know? Whether she knew or not was no longer Fu Chenxi’s concern. She resolved to stop loving that woman.

So why, after Fu Chenxi had obediently left, did that woman come clinging back to her, throwing the resolve she had just made into disarray?

*

Shi Tingling saw a woman whose profile looked a lot like Fu Qingyu’s. Her sex addiction took over her mind, and she chased after her. Under the cold lights of the restroom, she kissed her without a second thought. In that moment, she could think of nothing else. She only wanted to grab hold of that silhouette, that warmth, and quiet the uncontrollable buzzing in her head.

Shi Tingling found Fu Chenxi obedient and gentle. She was strong, but never hurt her; she had great stamina and could satisfy her for as long as it took, until Shi Tingling gradually came back to herself. Shi Tingling’s body loved Fu Chenxi. The burning anxiety and emptiness that came with her addiction would be smoothed away, layer by layer, in Fu Chenxi’s arms, like wrinkled cloth slowly pressed flat by an iron. She nestled comfortably in that warmth, thinking how convenient Fu Chenxi was to have around.

But why did Fu Chenxi have to fall in love with her? That was not being a good girl.

Shi Tingling wanted a tool who would come whenever she called, a clean, proper physical comforter who would not get emotionally attached. But Fu Chenxi’s gaze grew brighter and warmer. That careful, awkward affection, so characteristic of youth, was like a lamp slowly lighting up, making the once-blurry distance between them perfectly clear.

Shi Tingling grew irritated. She did not need anyone to love her. She did not need any emotional response.

Other than the fact that she loved her, Fu Chenxi really was obedient. Even after Shi Tingling said those things to her, Fu Chenxi could not bring herself to say a single harsh word. She only looked at her sadly with reddened eyes, then stayed silent for a long time. When Shi Tingling told her to get lost, she obediently left, without a single hysterical outburst.

Shi Tingling had never wavered in her love for Fu Qingyu, so she could never love Fu Chenxi. But her body could no longer do without her.

Theme: Chasing the light