Live Forever in My Youth

If you ask me when I started to like him, I will probably answer you, I don't know either. It's actually really weird. When I entered high school, I was very fat and had low self-esteem, but at the same time I had a very cheerful personality. If I didn't start with dating, I could chat with everyone, whether it was a boy or a girl. I thought this was the end of these three years. Campus love was still unrealistic for people like me. Until one time I changed seats and you sat in front of me. Your deskmate shook my hand warmly, and the story begins here (I didn't dare to say hello to him because he was a bit handsome, and he looked a bit aloof) The four of us are getting to know each other, but you are the one who talks less. But you seem to have a grudge against me. What will you say to me? At that time, I hated you to death, you know? Your image in my heart has collapsed. You have a toothache and you still want to steal my words. This is the first time I have seen such a person. When the get out of class is over, the little sister comes to talk to me. Even if you are sleeping, you have to turn around and say something to me. During the quiz, you are not allowed to see the answers, and you are still angry with me. When nothing happens, you call the deputy classmate, deputy classmate, and deputy classmate. When you ask, you don't say what's wrong. I really hate you to death. Two weeks later, the class has another major seat adjustment. I thought our story was over (after all, if I hadn't taken the initiative to speak first, he probably wouldn't have been able to talk to the girls in the class), but I found that it wasn't. Our mutual quarrel pattern did not change because of changing seats. During class, you still quarrel with me when I answer questions. Days passed like this and I suddenly found that I started to like you a little. I don't know how to describe that feeling. I have never seriously liked someone (I am not a masochist. There is a reason for liking him. He will not laugh at me because of my figure like other boys. He also respects the girls in the class. When I go to the podium to write answers, he will joke around to prevent me from being embarrassed. He would come to make me laugh when I was unhappy. But I don't know if he is like this to everyone. I am afraid that I will be too sentimental.) I didn't dare to take the initiative to talk to you at first. Fortunately, you always spoke first. But the good times didn't last long. The second year of high school was divided into classes. You chose science and liberal arts. I chose pure liberal arts. On the night of the placement, I still didn't have the courage to ask you for a photo. So I began to deliberately forget about you because I knew we would never be able to. But two weeks after the placement, you, who was in the class above me, met me at the stairs. I lowered my head in a hurry, pretending that I couldn't see you, but you still said, "Deputy classmate, please lend me your meal card." My heartbeat accelerated. But that's the kind of person I am. When I'm in a panic, my mind can't keep up with what I'm saying. I reply, "That's a beautiful idea," and then I pull my friend to speed up and go downstairs. In fact, you're still talking behind me, but I don't dare to listen or speak. I lost weight during the summer vacation. I lost almost 20 pounds at the beginning of school, but I was still very fat. I still didn't dare to look at you. When I thought that a summer vacation would dilute our relationship, I was arguing with my friends about a math problem in the cafeteria. I didn't know if my answer was wrong or right, but I just wanted to argue. Until "Yes, stupid!" When I heard this familiar voice, I was stunned for a moment. I turned around and saw you queuing next to me. You were still smiling, and you were still cheap. I said back to you on the spot, "You're stupid! I hate you." Then I turned around and didn't dare to look at you. I just hoped that you would stop talking. I was afraid that I wouldn't answer your words. In fact, you were not talking because the brother next to you started to make noise again, but this did not smooth out the relationship between us. When I met you at school, you would always say hello to me. You would always take the initiative to speak. In the past, I would have taken the initiative to speak. But I liked you, but I didn't dare. I was also losing weight at school, and I lost almost 10 pounds. During the winter vacation, I lost another 10 pounds. I have lost almost 50 pounds by adding and subtracting. My teachers and classmates praised me for changing a lot. But you have never mentioned the topic of me losing weight or gaining weight in front of me. I don't know if you really can't tell or it's fake. I thought we would always talk and fight each other until the second half of my sophomore year in high school when we bumped into each other again at the stairs. I habitually lowered my head to avoid your eyes. I stopped in place and looked at my toes, hoping that you would go first. The longer time passed, the less I dared to talk to you. But there was an extra pair of shoes at my feet. I subconsciously raised my head and met your smiling eyes. I could clearly feel my face getting hot, and I didn't know if it was red or not. I got angry and said, "What are you looking at!" You tilted your head back and said with a smile, "You like to see it, why don't you show it to me?" I snorted and said, "No," you smiled and said nothing, followed your brother who was teasing you and walked away. My friend and I slowly walked behind (actually, we wanted to deliberately avoid meeting him again). When we returned to the dormitory, my friend told me that the way he looked at me at that time was very ambiguous. In fact, I was happy at the time. After all, I had really fantasized about what if he liked me too. But I think this is impossible. After all, when I was fat, I didn't know how many times I made a fool of myself in front of him. How could any boy like someone like me? Besides, he's not bad looking, he's a sports student, and his grades are pretty good. How could he like me? But I didn't expect that this would be our last conversation. I don't know why. Even if I meet you every time, you will never take the initiative to talk to me again. But every time we look at each other, I feel that you have something to say, but you can't say it. I am really sad, very sad, and very uncomfortable. Have you found out that I like you? Are you going to avoid me this way again? I told myself many times that it would be fine if I didn't like him, so I wouldn't be so sad. But I couldn't do it. Every time I queued up in the cafeteria, I would still look for him. Every time I looked at him, I would still turn my head. I would still secretly inquire about his affairs. I would still secretly look at his grades. But at this time, there was no turning point like in the novel. This feeling of familiarity and strangeness spread between us until the school sports day. With the help of the former head teacher, we took a group photo (the former head teacher knew I liked him). It was taken with your mobile phone. I don't know if you deleted it. It's so annoying. I really don't want to like you at all, but I still think about the Chinese New Year, when you sent me a voice message to say "Happy New Year" and showed me the fireworks over there. After eating in the cafeteria, you deliberately teased me in front of me and said "deputy class" to make me laugh. Thinking of these, I still failed. I still like you so much. What should I do... I often wonder, if I am a little thinner, can I really be with you? But I don't dare to confess. Whether I have lost 50 pounds or will lose weight again in the future, I am afraid. I don't dare. I am really timid. My friends all advised me to confess to you, saying that I am beautiful now, so there is no need to be afraid, but I really don't dare. I will make up countless reasons in my mind for not confessing to you. For example, if you are a sports student and have to train and have no time to fall in love, or they say that you are so handsome and good, you must not fall in love because you don't want to. But in fact, I know, it is still because I am timid and I have low self-esteem. Now that I am approaching my senior year of high school, I don't know if I can tell you this love before graduation. I am actually planning to find an opportunity to tell you this love. My purpose is not to be with you. I just want you to know that there is such a person who has liked you and has liked you for a long, long time. Good luck for the LG physical examination. I hope you can get into the university you want to go to and be healthy for the rest of your life. I hope you are safe and happy. I really like you, but I dare not tell you...

In the first semester of my second year of high school, an unexpected look at each other brought us two parallel people together. When you took the blame for the class, when you were humorous in class, when you came to sit with me while watching a TV movie, when you asked me to bring you breakfast, these little things came together in my heart. The seeds of a secret love were sown, but we still didn't have many verbal exchanges. It wasn't until the winter vacation after the final exam that you were the first to invite me to your group, and you were also the first member of your group. You made me the group leader and let me choose people at will. The seeds began to sprout and grow slowly. When I was fighting with others, I helped me talk and asked me to go to the canteen. In the self-study class, we talked about when we were young, sitting together to study in the evening self-study, and looking at each other again and again. For this reason, the seeds grew up and went straight to the brain cells. In the senior year of high school, we were no longer in the same class, but we kept looking at each other when we were going up and down the stairs. We were peeking at each other in the cafeteria. We rushed to see you every time we went to the cafeteria. We stayed in the same row with you in every meeting. We secretly gave you red envelopes during the college entrance examination. We bought Polaroids to take photos after the college entrance examination. I thought we could be together smoothly, but you seemed to be good at talking and didn't speak. Why don't I look forward to us being together? We both wear the same color scheme every day in our senior year of high school (no connection, we switch based on our habits, such as white for two days and black for one). We had some contact in freshman year. I asked you about whether you have a girlfriend through the truth or dare game, and you said yes. OK, I told you that I like you again, but you didn't reply. I was about to give up at that time, but you contacted me because I took too many steps on WeChat, which made me sprout again. But now I haven't contacted you for a long time. Maybe we both lack the courage, but I think I should stop here. I don't know if I will interact with you in the future. I am also trying to let go of you in a free and easy way. I only thought of you by chance during this summer vacation. I feel that I should do it soon... I think it's time to write about you, but I don't deny that you are indeed a surprising gift in my career in No. 1 Middle School. It's also the first time I've met someone who is perfect for me. Secret love is really a beautiful feeling. It gives me expectations for tomorrow and the motivation to continue to have fantasies about a certain environment. So if I meet another person who makes me have expectations in the future, I will never forget you again.

In 2019, not long after I started playing Kuaishou, I met a boy on the Internet. At that time, the kind of sad kid sister was popular, and I was the same at that time. Because of an inexplicable fate, he sent me a private message and told me to look away. Later, we added our first friends. We didn't chat much, but we could chat. As we got to know each other, we found out that he had graduated from high school, seemed to have studied in a higher vocational school, and had already gone to work. I was in the third grade of junior high school, but I was not a few years younger than him, and my family studied relatively late. Later, when I came home for a vacation, I saw a message from him saying that he had sold it to someone else. He sent me a WeChat message. After adding WeChat, we chatted for a while. He wished me good luck in the high school entrance exam, and later I got admitted to high school. When I went home during the first semester of high school, I didn't know why. I felt very comfortable chatting with him, and we chatted more and more, and then naturally we were together. We got together. He was very good to me and I liked him very much. We were dating online. He was in Hubei and I was in Guizhou. We agreed that we would meet after I finished the college entrance examination. Later, we broke up not long after the first semester of high school. The school used a landline phone. I would call him every afternoon, but then he gradually stopped answering, and I slowly felt it. When I sent him a message on my phone, I asked him. His profile picture also changed, saying that we don't allow such distant conversations at home. Later, I deleted him as a friend out of anger. When I was a sophomore in high school, he added me and said we would make up. How could I disagree when I liked him so much? So, we reconciled, but the good times didn't last long. We broke up in the second year of high school. Then he came to see me in the first semester of high school, and we got along again. Okay, then we talked for half a semester, and our story repeated itself. I was practicing sports. When the physical examination was about to take place, he joined me and told me that he wanted to reconcile, but I didn't agree. Then it stayed like this until the college entrance examination was over. Then I agreed, but I felt that I no longer had any illusions about him, but I still expected him to be good to me. We agreed to meet on National Day. Later, we had more and more quarrels, "Why do I always doubt you, because I can't feel love?" I couldn't feel love from him anymore. A few days before the National Day, we quarreled, and he never tried to comfort me. He only said that he was tired from work. I met someone in my school. It was not a seamless connection, but my heart seemed to have long since fallen in love with him. He was very good to me, and he found out after posting on WeChat Moments. He asked me why we had been in a relationship for so many years, and we just talked about it. I didn't explain it. Later I found out that he didn't coax me because there was someone else around him.

Darling, we will all be happy in the next life, and we will never be cowards in secret love again! My dear, let you have a crush on me in your next life. Let you experience my grievances and jealousies. Let you experience my jealousy when I talk to others. Let you experience a fruitless story. Let you experience the secret love of more than five years. It was so difficult but was rejected in one fell swoop.

Z knows that you are out of reach for me, but I still can't help but get close to you. Whenever I see your warm smile, I will think of the short time we had. You don't know, I secretly added your WeChat, secretly wrote you a love letter, folded stars for you and wrote words in a bottle that I didn't dare to say to you. I secretly looked at you after class, but pretended not to care. , My appearance is not good-looking, there are many beautiful people in school who like you, I have low self-esteem, I know you will not like me, no one knows that I like you, I hide this love in my heart, but I still want you to understand my feelings, I have nothing to do with you In a school, we were once in a tutoring class. I fell in love with you at first sight, but I still restrained myself from falling in love with you. I have been very sad after my ex and I broke up. My ex has been playing with me for my money, and he has been bullying me after the breakup. She now kicked me and hit me. A few days before I met you, I was relieved. I was afraid that this would happen to me again, so I swore that I would never like you again until I met you. I asked about your preferences, zodiac signs, ideals, etc. From friends, just to get closer to you. I go out every day just to see you, and I can even be happy when I see you. I want to know which high school you want to go to. I want to see you every day for three years in high school. Our story is not over yet. In the next three years, I will wait for the day you fall in love with me, Z Happy every day, safe and smooth

2024.7.13 Z At school, will you find that an extra pair of eyes is looking at you? But I like you at the end of the semester. I still couldn't send that love letter. It's a pity.

I hope everyone's secret love can see the light of day

I opened a sour book [crying]

W I am more familiar with your back and profile than your appearance.

It's really like me. Now he is in the third grade of junior high school. He used to be shy to confess, but now he is afraid to say goodbye.