Just as the British media were noisily speculating that Mourinho was about to be fired by Manchester United, some billionaire bought the entire club for an extravagant sum. Then he took out a check for a billion pounds, grabbed Mourinho's hand, and said earnestly, "Coach, take a look and buy whichever star player you like! Our budget is unlimited! By the way, can we bring Ronaldo back?"
And yet this seemingly newly minted national heartthrob had a logic all his own!
The Sun: "Why did you buy Manchester United at such a high price and declare that transfer fees have no limit and Mourinho can buy whoever he wants?"
Johnny Walsh: "Because life is priceless."
The Sun: "?"
Johnny Walsh: "Scientific research shows that being happy in body and mind is good for your health, and being happy helps you live longer. If I spend money on Manchester United, the team's performance will improve. Better results make Coach Mourinho happy, and Coach Mourinho being happy means I'm happy, which means Coach Mourinho and I can both live longer. So spending money on Manchester United extends both our lives. Since life is priceless, spending money on Manchester United means I come out ahead."
The Sun: "I understand the logic, but I don't know where to begin."
Theme: Save the world's greatest Special One.
