After Every Secret Identity Got a Bad Ending, I Was Forced to Mourn Myself

[Completed. Extra chapters are collected in the author's column.] [Blurb] Just as Nishinomiya Tsukishiro, a graduate of the secret identity System, is about to retire after a job well done, the System suddenly disappears. One after another, the secret identities he used to play the roles of friends and family are exposed, then die unexpectedly. And he has to take on the role of a “friend” and arrange their funerals himself. Faced with countless sympathetic and affectionate gazes... Nishinomiya Tsukishiro closes his eyes. Funeral, funeral, funeral. He grits his teeth and attends his own funeral. -- When the news that his “older brother,” a young genius magician, has died unexpectedly shocks all of Japan, Nishinomiya Tsukishiro is squeezed between fans and reporters, listening to countless heartfelt tributes and wishing he could dig himself a three-bedroom apartment to hide in. His childhood friend looks grave. “There are too many suspicious details. There may be a conspiracy.” Nishinomiya Tsukishiro: Kaito, get a grip! The cause of death for this secret identity really was an accident! By the time his “best friend,” an editor, is shot dead in front of a crowd, Nishinomiya Tsukishiro is already numb. He's become very practiced at collecting the body and arranging the burial, at pretending to cry with onions, and at babbling nonsense in front of everyone. Odazaki, Natsume-sensei, and a crowd of colleagues hand him a tissue with heavy expressions. “We failed to protect him.” Nishinomiya Tsukishiro (numb expression): No, I'm the jinxed loner. When the long-unused secret identity of the liquor syndicate's boss dies suddenly, Nishinomiya Tsukishiro's tears are already ready to fall... He pauses. Aaaaaah, this secret identity absolutely, absolutely cannot die! -- Once all his “friends and family” have finally kicked the bucket, Nishinomiya Tsukishiro breathes a sigh of relief and looks at the bandage-wrapped human storage machine who's stayed by his side the whole time. It's impossible not to feel touched. “Why didn't you break up with me?” Dazai (eyes sparkling): When will it be my turn to get hit by your jinxed-loner buff? Tsukishiro: It's getting late. We should break up. #DoYouLoveMeOrMyBuff# -- Bonus scene: While relaxing, Nishinomiya Tsukishiro accidentally reveals some habits that only his secret identities have. He wails inwardly that his identities are about to be exposed, about to be exposed-- But then... “Waaah, Tsukishiro-kun has had it so hard. He's already become just like them...” Nishinomiya Tsukishiro: ??? -- [Before You Read] * The plot will be changed a lot. * No-brain power-ups. All the secret identities are absurdly overpowered and satisfying, and every single one of them dies (...). * Pairing: Dazai. -- Coming Soon 1 -- The Little Jellyfish's Undersea Adventure Tang You is a very, very tiny immortal jellyfish, translucent like a strawberry-filled gummy candy. After saving a human who was on the verge of death, he is forced to return to his polyp stage and fall asleep. Most marine creatures are simple and kind. Tang You helps hermit crabs find suitable shells, removes barnacles parasitizing sea turtles, chats with clownfish and cleaner shrimp in the coral reefs, and meets countless friends. He wants to find his way home, but his jellyfish body is tiny and he swims slowly, making him a lone strawberry candy adrift in the ocean. The little jellyfish meets another loner, a mermaid. The mermaid has dazzling silver scales and deep blue eyes, and seems a little clumsy, barely knowing how to swish his tail. Tang You teaches him how to move it and tells him where to find plenty of food, worrying constantly about whether the mermaid can survive. But his mermaid friend seems a little different from the other creatures of the sea. He's agile and a good fighter, dares to provoke the most fearsome sharks, and unites the mermaid people in the shortest time. The little jellyfish, who has somehow ended up living in the mermaid palace, hugs the enormous luminous pearl the mermaid gave him, as a question mark slowly appears above his head. “I heard there's a young human lord on the East Coast who's powerful but cruel.” The little jellyfish tugs on his mermaid friend's sleeve and gives him a careful warning. “Don't be like the mermaid in the fairy tale, growing legs for love and then turning into sea foam.” Shen Jixiao, the youngest merfolk chieftain in history, the most powerful lord on the East Coast, and a half-merman who grew legs for love: ... He gazes at the little jellyfish bobbing in the luminous blue sea, his blue eyes filled with boundless tenderness. “I'll listen to you.” -- Coming Soon 2 -- Pudding Cat's Doomsday Adventure In the year 3199 of the Star Calendar, the 59th year since the apocalypse began, humanity has grown used to the occasional attacks by mutant creatures. Battle and death never stop. To keep up with the rapidly accelerating evolution of mutant creatures, the base has no choice but to risk capturing specimens and begin a biological experiment that has never been attempted before. Pudding is the last test subject born in the laboratory. The experiment is urgently halted. At the time, Pudding sits blankly inside a completely isolated glass box, not understanding why the two-legged creatures in white coats are running around outside. Somehow, something gets knocked over. The machinery malfunctions, and amid the burst of sparks, a crack appears in the glass trapping Pudding. A perfect chance to escape. But it's terrified. It lets out a few pitiful meows, then curls up in a corner like a melted pudding, almost forming a ball. It oozes out through the crack. The sweet scent of caramel doesn't attract anyone's attention. Tiny Pudding looks at this incomprehensibly vast world, thinking only that the moving creatures and their noisy shrieks are annoying. Cats don't understand. Cats can't make sense of it. Cats are scared. It hides there trembling for a while, unable to understand why those four-legged creatures are biting everyone they see. Blood spreads across the cold white metal floor. It smells awful. It jumps onto a table and lets out a faint meow. The mutated monsters stop. At some point, a broadcast turns on, and the tiny sound of a cat's meow comes through. And so every monster in the base stops. Later, Pudding somehow ends up in someone's arms, held high above a crowd of thousands, surrounded by countless feverish gazes and longing eyes. They say: Congratulations. The first psychic mutant capable of calming monsters has appeared. It's a pudding with a cat's tail and ears. Theme: Nothing in this world comes for free.