So Cute, I Want to Sit on Them Until They Die

Going VIP on September 30, with chapter 30 as the first VIP chapter. Please show your support, cuties! Love you all, mwah~~

Demonic energy is like a plague to immortals: highly contagious and difficult to cure. Only the flowers that bloom from spirit seeds can ward it off, so they're also known as "healing flowers."

Zhong Zui was a spirit seed that had gained sentience. Unfortunately, he couldn't bloom. He was a dud, and because of this, he was abandoned, humiliated, and belittled by all the immortals until he was ground into the dirt...

Even he thought he didn't deserve to live in the immortal realm.

That was until she came through the rainy night, holding an umbrella. The raindrops brushed lightly against her as she stopped before him...

Only then did he understand what it felt like to bloom: a moment of heart-stopping love.

*

Zhong Zui found an immortal with a very nice temperament to raise him. She was perfect in every way, except she didn't talk much and was a little poor. She only let him drink dew every day, but that was fine. He'd take care of her!

Carrying a little basket every day to sell biscuits and support her was the happiest thing in his life.

What he didn't know was that the dew he drank each day was a thousand-year-old spiritual marrow essence.

When an immortal humiliated him, another immortal shouted, "I want to see which blind idiot decided to raise a useless good-for-nothing like you."

"That would be me." Yu Gong had come to take the little biscuit seller home. Even when called blind, she merely gave him a cold look.

That single look released such a wave of pressure that the immortal broke out in a sweat.

Little skit: On the day Zhong Zui bloomed, Yu Gong swore, with her twenty-seven thousand years of singlehood as proof, that she was a respectable immortal. But as she looked at her husband, who was smaller than her palm, she fell silent and thought, He's so small, he can't do anything, right?

His tiny body couldn't even stand steady. He accidentally fell and bumped his forehead, which turned red. He gazed at Yu Gong with big, watery eyes, never blinking, wanting to be held.

Yu Gong's face was cold: ...

He saw how cold and heartless she was. Tears welled up in his eyes, and his lake-green gaze grew brighter. Tiny tears clung to his long lashes, and his soft cheeks puffed up like little buns.

Yu Gong: "So cute. I want to sit on him and squash him to death."

His lake-green eyes were full of disbelief, as if he couldn't believe there was such a heartless person in the world. He burst into tears.

Yu Gong: ...Duck! I made my husband cry (= ▽ =)

Upcoming: The Cannon-Fodder Empress in a Matriarchal Novel

Ming Qing transmigrates into a matriarchal novel as the cannon-fodder empress. The good news is, she has a harem of three thousand! The bad news is, not one of them is hers!

The empress's consort is gentle as jade, his smile like a spring breeze. But he's wicked at heart, hiding at the original owner's side only to avenge his own white moonlight.

The favored lord is spoiled and willful, with exquisite looks. He loves to cuckold the original owner, carrying on affairs whenever he likes. Later, to keep the original owner from discovering the child isn't hers, he takes brutal measures.

Zhaohua is a pure and innocent beauty from the Western Regions. Her fair skin turns red at a touch, and she's obedient and adorable, but she's a yandere...

The only person in the harem who likes the original owner at all is the son of a minor official. He looks a lot like the empress's consort and is wildly ambitious. But later, after realizing he's a substitute, he joins forces with the consort to pursue their ambitions and kill the original owner.

What does marriage even bring a woman?! I wept bitterly and resolved to stay away from men.

But with a beep, the essential transmigration golden finger, the System, came online and forced me to follow the plot.

Empress: Give up and coast through life? I mean it.

I kept waiting for them to kill me, but they never made a move.

So I had to fake my own death and escape.

After all, the world is so big, and I want to see it.

But later, one after another, they begged me to come back.

I was so embarrassed I could have dug an entire palace out of the ground with my toes.

Looking at each of their bloodshot eyes, I sighed. "A man who doesn't respect himself is like a rotten cabbage."

Oh! They were going to cry!

But where did they get the nerve? I rested my chin in my hand and pondered.

*

After the plot completely fell apart, she remembered everything. It turned out she was the original owner. She covered her head and laughed, utterly mad.

The once-gentle empress's consort begged for her pity like a pitiful dog, heedless of whether his family lived or died.

The selfish man who'd had an affair abandoned his child and washed himself over and over, his pride crushed as he begged pitifully, "I'm not dirty."

The foreign prince, a sadistic yandere, cut off both his legs himself to make her turn back. In the pouring rain, blood streamed from him as he begged her to look back just once.

The minor official's son went mad, searching for the consort's clothes to put on. Standing on a cliff, he asked her in a miserable, determined voice, "Who do you love, really?"

Content warnings: The female lead thinks she transmigrated, but actually she is...

The male lead only appears in the extra chapters and has no presence.

Male pregnancy. Women have normal reproductive anatomy; the men's anatomy is what's unusual. Their penises are curved, with suction-cup-like heads that can draw eggs from a woman's body, and they have an internal gestational pouch.

The four men in the harem all end up in the crematorium, and everyone gets a bad ending.

Comedic at first, a little angsty later.

Theme: Protect plants and flowers; it's everyone's responsibility