[Western Crossover] Brucie Sweetheart Has No Idea About Anything

I am Bruce, a weak, pitiful, helpless playboy. I love extreme sports, and maybe I damaged my brain in some skydiving accident.

I woke up in a strange cave (Oh my God, there are bats in here, and they're alive! I can't breathe!) with several masked kidnappers dressed inappropriately, as if they'd escaped from Arkham Asylum, standing by my bed and hurling obscenities while throwing things and beating each other up.

I yelled anxiously, "Stop! You have to stop fighting!"

The kidnappers stopped and all looked at me. I was terrified. But I hadn't gotten my hands on this month's new Victoria's Secret Angels yet. I couldn't die! So I gathered my courage and said, "I have lots of money. You don't have to worry about splitting the loot unevenly. Everyone can get a sum they're happy with."

The kidnappers: "...Do you think we're in it for the money?"

I gritted my teeth and winked. "I'm not opposed to you robbing me of my virtue, as long as you don't hurt me... For example, handsome, your butt looks so inviting!"

Batman: So this is why I came back from ancient times to find you all had lost your basic sense of vigilance?

Brucie: He means he's super jealous, envious of how much the kids like me, and worried you don't love your brooding dad anymore.

The unfilial brats: Those aren't mutually exclusive. Bat's Dad, and you can be Mom.

Brucie: Wait, what?

#I got kidnapped, but made the kidnappers call me Dad#

#The kidnappers took off their masks and turned out to be people I knew#

#How did my eldest cop son degenerate into a masked freak?#

#Another kidnapper even pretended to be my deceased child#

#My reserved Asian daughter can lift me with one hand#

#Even the little kid in elementary school picked up a knife#

#The only thing that hasn't changed is my third son still nagging me to work#

#They even want to have a cape war behind my back#

#Today, my sweetheart is still smiling and living on#

Brucie: First thing every morning, I give myself a pep talk: Fuck you, Batman!

Batman: Yeah, I'm here.

Bruce/Batman pairing, selfcest

Brucie, with no memories of superheroes, weak, pitiful, helpless, super sweet, and always saying exactly what's on his mind

vs.

The brooding, gloomy big Bat, dead from the start (crossed out), a jack of all trades who just can't talk

+

A bunch of unfilial brats in desperate need of a father's love

1. Primarily family-focused, a happy and heartwarming story. The Batfamily needs an expert in handling close relationships.

2. Warning: Brucie really is useless. All his skills beyond ordinary human abilities were taken by the brooding Bat.

Theme: I just brought them down to my level, then won them over with my extensive experience at being an ordinary person!