All My Secret Identities Are My Wife

Blurb:

Ever since System 56828 followed the Main System's search-and-filter process and bonded with its current Host (also its first), it had felt incredibly unlucky, as if it had suffered the first Waterloo of its entire system life.

But it had never imagined that this Waterloo would be so huge, so long, and seemingly never-ending. QAQ

For example, it was originally a System under the Time and Space Administration. Its job (that is, its mission) was to eliminate hopelessly irredeemable illegal transmigrators who posed a threat to the world or even to time and space, by any means necessary. Put simply, it was a cleaner approved by the world's consciousness. But that did not mean its Host had any right to take the secret identity it had provided to conceal the System's true form and turn it into a self-love fantasy!!!

System 56828: I have doubts about my system life. What the hell did I bond with?

Scene One:

The System happily counted the rewards it had received from the world's consciousness, feeling as if its entire system life had reached a higher plane.

Making money makes me happy.jpg

"Sis, should we pull off another big one next time?"

"Sis?"

After getting no answer for a long while, the little System turned around, only to find its Host with a hand on her chin, staring thoughtfully at her secret identity, Number 01.

P.S. (Secret identity Number 01: male, once one of the System's Host's idols...)

"Plop."

The little bit of money the System had been counting in its virtual hand fell to the ground. Unless it was mistaken, its hand was even trembling slightly.

"Sis! What are you doing?! Sis! Leave that secret identity alone! This counts as beep, harassment!"

The System cried out in utter anguish, afraid its Host might act on impulse and do something irreversible.

"System, call me bro. Besides, the core inside that secret identity is also me. Of course I'm happy to be touched by myself, so it doesn't count as beep, harassment. To be precise, some readers call this 'selfcest.'"

The person in question looked completely calm, and even had time to stroke the secret identity's delicate little face.

Afterward, she couldn't resist praising herself.

"Just as expected of me. It still feels so good."

System: ...So this isn't your first time doing this?

Scene Two:

Thanks to a few unpleasant dream details involving a certain future Mafia boss, the Host went completely off the rails and had her secret identity, nicknamed "Dame-Tsuna," confess to her true self in an alley.

He was so embarrassed he wanted to crawl into a hole, but still had to pin his true self against the wall. He was so shy his little-boy voice was shaking, but still bravely shouted "I like you!" a full five hundred times, without missing a single one...

Oh, that was so freaking embarrassing. (read in a deadpan voice)

And, as luck would have it, his true self and her subordinates saw it in another world :)

The result was that the future godfather of Italy's biggest Mafia family was so shocked he nearly turned to stone and fainted.

Come on, let's light a candle for poor Usagi-chan for one second.

System: Have you ever considered my feelings?! Have you?! What good does giving me more work do you?! I have to work overtime yet again!!!

Someone: Don't I keep you company while you work overtime? Come on, cheer up.

System: I couldn't be any less happy. (numb)

Scenes Three, Four, Five, Six, and Seven are loading...

What's wrong with kissing, hugging, and lifting myself up high? Absolutely nothing! (So says the person in question.)

Walking the road to OOC, leaving those who want to make me (the secret identity I'm wearing now) OOC with nowhere to go. (Not really.)

Warnings:

1. OOC is guaranteed, and the story spans multiple other worlds.

2. Includes a female-to-male transformation. If this is a dealbreaker, don't read.

Theme: Learn to love yourself