I Slept with the Biggest Villain in the Book

I, Xi Cilan, a modern-day wage slave, have transmigrated into the patriarch of an immortal sect. I'm a total slacker, and my dream in life is to spend my days on the mountain feeding stray cats and teasing dogs, maybe pick up a pretty little boy as my disciple, and enjoy a peaceful old age.

But, eldest disciple, what did you just say your name was?

Waaah, it's over. There goes my peaceful retirement. The kid I picked up seems to be the big boss who later vows to take down the entire cultivation world and destroy Earth.

Just destroy it already. I'm tired.

Um, eldest disciple, if you don't like your junior sister, we can talk it out. Could you first take your hand off your master's throat? Rebelling against your master will bring down heavenly punishment.

I've been struck by lightning plenty of times. One more won't make a difference.

You've killed the conversation.

Didn't you say I was rebelling against my master? This is nothing. Today, your disciple will show you what real rebellion against one's master looks like.

I slept with the biggest villain in the book.

Or, he slept with me. No, that's not right. I wanted to sleep with him too.

Putting rebellion against one's master into practice is really exhausting.

A slacker patriarch from an old-school transmigration novel x a scheming, possessive first disciple.

[This novel is also known as: My Disciple Seems to Want to Kill Me Every Day, I Thought You Were My Disciple, But You Want to Get on Top of Me?!, Your Disciple Is Plotting Against You, So Pay Attention! Pay Attention? What Kind of Attention?]

Warnings:

A chaotic cultivation setting.

1v1, both virgins, with a relationship that develops like an adoptive family. The male lead only looks young at first for certain reasons.

The female lead is laid-back and lazy most of the time, but occasionally snaps. Any character derailment is on me.

She transmigrates into the villainess in an old-school tragic novel.

The leads have questionable morals. After all, the male lead is a villain, and the female lead has the classic "better them than me" mindset.

More warnings to come if I think of any.

Theme: Who wouldn't love a possessive disciple whose whole heart and mind are devoted to you?