[Western Crossover] Little Jaybird's Final End

I saw that the author responded to a comment from a netizen, explaining why the article was cut in half. So, judging from the choice of words and sentences, the author's writing is not bad, and there is nothing wrong with complaining about it. But in fact, there are really many problems in this article. I think the best ones are the first ten chapters, or rather, the first twenty chapters are not bad. I read that the author said that someone scolded you for slandering the male god... Actually, it is not necessary. The article was not well written. It is just a problem with the article. Reading the author's message, you can see that the author is not slandering the character at all, and isn't it wrong to write so many words to slander the character... From a rational analysis, the main flaws in this article are as follows: 1. The heroine design. For bg fans, the heroine setting is very important. It can be said that the biggest failure of this article is the heroine setting. The heroine is said to be very smart and good at business. She is only in her early 20s and can be said to be a genius. However, there is nothing in the article that makes one feel that she is smart and good. Previously, I had a great discussion with a writer in the Conan circle about the character design of the protagonist, which is to try not to make the protagonist too powerful. Otherwise, if the character is not well written, it will fall apart and become a Mary Sue, especially when the characters in the original work all have very strong IQs. This is the problem with the heroine. People always tell her how powerful she is, or say how powerful she is in a few words. However, the things she does and the stories she writes do not reflect it. Instead, she feels that she has been outwitted by the B family members who she easily dealt with... If you want to show that a character is very smart, then there must be big or small events (here, details) to fully explain it. Batman's mind-set is so outrageous that if the heroine wants to deal with him, she must take an unconventional approach and rely solely on ability or intelligence. If she doesn't have the level of DC's original screenwriter, to be honest, writing it will definitely stretch her hips. In addition, the heroine's speech and mind are not like a very powerful character, she is just a little willful child. Willful children can be very smart, but they have to have something to show it. The heroine is always told how powerful she is, but they don't see how powerful she is. I have read some well-written superhero fanfics. Among them, the female protagonist is also smart and capable. When the female protagonist speaks, she will make people feel cool, and her occasional stupidity has become a highlight. And from what the female protagonist says, you can feel that she is smart, because she knows knowledge in many fields and is good at analogies, which makes people feel that even if she is not said to be very powerful, readers still think that she is very powerful. 2. The misunderstanding of the love line is inexplicable. Everyone thinks that Jason is wrong. In fact, except for Jay's fake identity at the beginning, Jason is not wrong. On the contrary, the heroine is more wrong. The other superheroes are even more inexplicable. They try to stop the two people... When Europeans and Americans encounter relationship problems, it does not involve domestic violence. Shouldn't the two of them explain it clearly? Why do they keep interfering in other people's housework? In the article, it is complained that Batman sometimes makes bad decisions for the people around him. This is true. It is good and reasonable to complain or resist b, but isn't it the same when other superheroes in the article interfere in the emotional problems of the heroine and Ergong? Including those who accused Er Tong of not telling the heroine Red Hood's identity... Please, can we not have double standards? They are all DC superheroes, so who is different from the other? Do you think they are all Iron Man... I feel that these misunderstandings are just for the sake of torture, and there is no logic. 3. Regarding emotional issues, I understand that the author said that the identity cannot be concealed, which is okay, so it is reasonable to abuse the second barrel, but what is unreasonable is how the plot is arranged. The previous article talked about the unreasonableness of misunderstandings. Here I will talk about the discussion of right and wrong in the article. Almost everyone, except Roy who didn't take a stand, thought it was a problem with the second barrel...? ? ? The heroine unilaterally believed that she had broken up, but she didn't say it clearly, and she didn't notify her in advance when she had an abortion... Isn't this asking for a misunderstanding? If it is a reasonable world, some people should think that the heroine is right, and women should be more unrestrained. There is no need to explain to a person with a fake identity. Some people think that the heroine is wrong. Ergong did nothing wrong. Even if he did, no one told him, and then he was simply broken up behind his back. There should even be some people trying to persuade him to break up, and some people trying to persuade him to reconcile... This is more reasonable. Even if you want to be more detailed, you will add the personalities of each person. Otherwise, these people in the article feel like tool people, not alive. They only exist to replace the narrator, so their thoughts are so unified. 4. Removing the setting of abortion itself will not affect the writing, but abortion is very uncomfortable. There are several reasons. First, they really like each other, and they are both over 20 years old. They are not teenagers. Such a simple abortion makes people feel irresponsible. Second, abortion in the United States is against the law, but no one dissuades it, which is very unreasonable. To them, the fetus is already a human being and is a life. Third, abortion harms a girl's body. It can be said that unless the plot requires it, it cannot be removed at all. Otherwise, settings such as rape and abortion are very objectionable. Fourth, if you really want to have an abortion, even if the couple has clearly broken up (the heroine in the article has not yet clearly broken up), as long as it is not the kind of abortion that leads to life and death or the boyfriend is a scumbag, the boyfriend will be notified, right? Going for an abortion alone and having a male friend accompany her is not surprising. It can be said that many misunderstandings are caused by the heroine herself. 5. The heroine's circle of friends is all about men, and the relationship seems very close. Eating and playing games doesn't seem like much, but this is the reason why Red Hood misunderstands and beats people. So, I have to say that this friendship is not a problem. Putting men and women in their shoes, if we have a bunch of female friends, cooking, eating and playing games together every day, I think the heroine will also hit them, or will they break up without hitting them, right? If the heroine is a superhero insider and knows everything about it, it would be fine, and the friendship between teammates would be okay, but the heroine is an ordinary person, but she has such a large group of superheroes surrounding her... This setting is really too OOC for the character, and the heroine seems even more incompetent than a Mary Sue. 6. Characters appear for too many short periods of time, leading to confusing relationships. In addition, it's okay if you are familiar with DC. Readers who are not familiar with it will not be able to understand it at all without introducing the background at all or introducing it in a few sentences. They will only find it confusing. Generally speaking, in order to make it more readable, important characters should appear slowly one by one. When the reader gets used to this, the next one should be described. 7. There are many characters, but there are also many useless characters. For example, Raven, I originally thought she would become the heroine's friend. If this is good, it also proves that the heroine does not only have male friends. The result was just a formality... Then it would be no problem to replace this character. Also, the roles of Hawk Evans are so overlapping that there is absolutely no need to appear at all. Etc. There is no need to describe Dachao, there is no follow-up. 8. Regarding the positioning of the article, just write about Ertong's feelings, or bring the bat family. If it is the latter, then the description of the Bat Family is not strong enough. The eldest son appears the most, but is too OOC... The eldest son is good and nice, but he is not that bad... The rest of the family appears too little and is described in a single way. As a result, the supporting characters mention the Bat Family many times in the article, but readers have no sense of involvement at all... Let alone readers who have never read the comics. When writing about Er Tong's feelings, it did not describe the stories around Er Tong, such as two generations of outlaws, Gotham's underground gang, etc. 9. There are problems with the use of a few words, such as some language such as "The plain man does not speak secret words". So, if you take this sentence alone, it should not be said by a foreigner, and Conner Kent and others would not say such words... This kind of language reduces the readability and literariness of the article. To a certain extent, it can be said that it lowers the author's writing level. Because this type of language is too typical of Internet culture, it often appears in stories where the protagonist abuses heaven and earth, or in romances where the protagonist kills everyone. 10. Regarding whether the deputy cp is bl. It is best not to use it in bg, because there are indeed some people who cannot accept it. If so, it must be written, and then it must be demined in the copywriting. But in addition, there are some other reasons, which is whether the original character of BL is gay or bisexual. If not, then it is best not to write it in a simple BG article. If it is written well, it will be fine, but if it is not written well, it will be OOC. After all, the sexual orientation has been officially set. If it is a bl fanfic, then the first and second settings are like this, so it is more acceptable. As for BG not being allowed in BL, I can only say that it depends on the readers. After all, unless the main premise is that there are only men in the world, it is impossible for everyone in a story to be gay... Of course, it is best not to describe the BG in BL in detail. It is best to just go over it. After all, many readers who read BL fandoms come to read BL. Having said that, if the writer is very capable, or has a completely original story, then you can write whatever you want like blbg. Because all of this is to serve the plot and tell a good story, rather than simply self-satisfaction or catering to readers. For example, the well-known Farewell My Concubine, or Call Me by Your Name, and even Zola's Nana have a lot of lesbian descriptions. These works will not let readers struggle with bgbl issues. Having said so much, I feel that the main problem still lies with the female protagonist... Ps: I typed a lot of words after seeing Zuo Yuan. Please forgive me if I am offended. This is not a writing guide, it is really just a reader's subjective feeling when reading it. I think the author will make his own decision whether to adopt or agree with the suggestions. Having the courage to create is a good thing, so please keep up the good work, author!

The back row said that although the article is free, don't waste time clicking in. As for the emotional line, it's almost only in the first half and it's very confusing. Neither the male or female protagonist has a mouth, and there is basically no emotional line in the back. I don't have much feeling for any of the characters. The main reason is that the love story is really poorly written, and the heroine's life in the back is completely unremarkable.

I don't want to say much, the writing is not very good, it wasted half of my time to read it. If you haven't read it, I don't recommend reading it. It takes a long time to understand, but it's probably a bit frustrating.

I feel like the ending is weird

Everyone has their own ideas about CP matching. The reason why we read fan fiction is because the original CP does not meet our preferences. Reading fan CP is a process of making dreams come true. It is not enough to please one person with one Hamlet in his heart and thousands of eyes and mouths in the world. As long as the author's characters, storyline, and plot logic are self-consistent, how to pair the CPs is not a problem at all. You can mark it in the copywriting, so that those who can't accept the CP can just leave, which saves both parties trouble. Finally, I think the writing is quite good. It's a type I've never seen before. Who would have thought that Batman's niece doesn't want to be a whore for the Bat family, but wants to pursue a career. She really has a pretty good career (≧

I watched it overnight, but I actually don't understand the logic. Bruce didn't care that he had left his niece bankrupt, an orphan and penniless. Jason's pregnant girlfriend is bankrupt. A pregnant woman with no money, she doesn't even think about financial support, and she doesn't even have a home. Can this really be compared with the logical he? The capitalization is very good, but many places are so strange.

I think the Batman here is really too much. He is so self-righteous because of a little bit of kinship and not a close acquaintance with her, thinking that it is for her own good that Dolores has nothing. I asked if he was a stranger, would he care if the parent is a robot? There is also the fear of becoming a villain explained later. It is like a forced explanation, which is not logical. Just because of a little doubt, it forces people into a desperate situation to see the true quality of people. Even an ordinary person who is forced to be like this may go astray, right? Because he has been influenced by the villain, no matter what he does, it is just? Hehe

It's so confusing that I didn't understand what I was reading, but... The author's writing is very good.

I know it's confusing, messy, and completely opposite to the introduction.

I thought I could see a story about sweet love with Little Wings doting on each other, but I didn't expect that the heroine had a deep misunderstanding (from my perspective) and bullied Jason to make Tong feel wronged. I felt complicated. If you don't want Tong, you can give it to me and I will pamper you. Tong is already miserable enough, and he has to suffer all kinds of grievances in love. It's miserable.