The CEO's Contract Bride [Book Transmigration]

Lu Ranran had one moment of carelessness and ended up inside The CEO's Contract Bride, as the contract bride destined for a passionate, painful romance with the domineering CEO.

Sure, the CEO was a bit of an idiot and the plot was a bit angsty, but at least she knew what was coming, and she was the heroine, too.

Who would turn down a winning life of dodging all that angsty romance and marrying into a wealthy family?

And yet!

Could it be that even if you transmigrate as the heroine, things still end tragically without the heroine's halo?

All she had to do was get pregnant, then lead the male lead to realize that she was the little white lotus he'd spent a night with, and she could avoid a whole string of idiotic angst...

But it seemed she'd already messed things up in the very first part of the plot, the one-night stand where she and the male lead didn't know each other at all?

When Qin Tianyou saw his new sister-in-law, he was so scared that cold sweat broke out down his back.

He'd actually cuckolded his own brother!!! On his brother's wedding night, no less?!!

And, brother, why can you still act like nothing's wrong and show off your love with your wife, rubbing it in everyone's face? Do you know you've been cuckolded?

Lu Ranran: Don't panic, little brother-in-law. I'm just the contract bride your brother bought. If you confess first, you might still have a chance.

But it seemed she herself had no chance left.

When the novel's plotline of getting pregnant without consummating the marriage arrived right on schedule, it seemed an angsty romance was unavoidable.

But this time, since the baby in her belly really wasn't the male lead's, maybe it would turn into nothing but angst, with no romance or deep affection?

Qin Tianyou: Brother... How about this? After sister-in-law gives birth, you can give the baby to me, then you two can have another one?

Qin Tianba: No. Way.

Qin Tianyou: Then are you going to help me raise my son?

Qin Tianba: ...

The whole novel is absurd. Every character is an idiot, except the heroine, who's just a little more normal (?).

Classic quote from the absurd CEO: It's getting cold. Have Old Wang come do a paternity test with my son.

Classic quote from the absurd male supporting character: Nothing beats dumplings...

Let me explain the tropes I associate with contract bride novels (this is just the author's own snarky summary. This novel doesn't follow the formula completely. It's a long rant, so feel free to skip it):

First, the heroine and male lead have a one-night stand. But somehow, despite the two idiots having sex and getting very physically close, neither of them knows who they slept with.

Then, somehow, the male lead needs to find himself a wife, and somehow happens to find the heroine.

Somehow, the heroine has a terminally ill relative, and somehow the cost of treatment is exactly the same as the contract fee the male lead offers.

So, to save a relative who won't even get much screen time, the heroine swallows her pride and becomes the male lead's contract bride.

As for that astonishing one-night stand between the heroine and male lead, the heroine naturally forgets to take the morning-after pill, and only discovers she's pregnant after becoming the male lead's contract bride.

Then the male lead doesn't know the child is his. He naturally assumes the woman is both greedy and promiscuous, and naturally begins tormenting the heroine in every way imaginable.

And somehow, no matter how much the male lead or the female rival torments the heroine, the male lead's own flesh and blood is never hurt in the slightest. After weathering every storm, the child is sure to be born safely.

Then, after being tormented until she's utterly broken, the heroine decides to run away from the place that holds painful memories of the male lead, taking the "bastard" with her.

At this point, the male supporting character always gives the heroine crucial help.

Then, when the heroine's son is four or five, the male lead suddenly realizes he's fallen for that greedy, promiscuous woman, and starts looking for her.

Meanwhile, the female rival, who still hasn't been written out of the story, always finds the heroine before the male lead does and starts tormenting her again. This time, the male supporting character gets dragged into it too, losing an arm or a leg while saving the heroine, or being disfigured in a fire. (Anyway, the male supporting character has to suffer in every possible way and become unable to care for himself, so half the readers shouting for him to win will shut up.)

Then the kindhearted heroine feels deeply guilty toward the male supporting character and decides she should be with him out of gratitude.

But the male lead pursues her relentlessly, and because the heroine is weak-willed, she has no choice but to keep getting entangled with him.

The male supporting character is already miserable, and then he discovers the heroine is still entangled with the male lead. So he decides to turn evil and sacrifice himself to bring the male and female leads together! (Yes! In those absurd CEO novels, if the male supporting character doesn't turn so evil that everyone despises him, how could the heroine break the promise she'd already made to be with him? So the male supporting character has to turn evil!!! He sacrifices himself for the heroine!!! Isn't he incredibly noble!!!)

Once the male supporting character has completely turned evil and even lost his chastity, the other half of the readers who supported him will finally shut up, too.

Then the male and female rivals fade away in disgrace, the male and female leads end up together, and they discover that the thing the male lead once called a bastard is actually his own child. A happy ending for everyone, hahaha...

So this novel is just me running wild with the formula of these absurd stories, hahahahahaha... Please don't laugh, hahahaha...