Clouds Veil the Moon

□//Bbs. Jjwxc. Net/showmsg. Php? Board=52&id=30421 Fu Lingda, this Mo Shang Sang radio drama has also come out. . I kept forgetting to post it, I was wrong, ORZ...

Hello, author, Gu Xi's radio drama has been produced and released. I'll give you the address. I really like the author's writing! □//Bbs. Jjwxc. Net/showmsg. Php? Board=52&id=29429&msg= excellent voice by color

Only JJ using a mobile phone and PC will feel that JJ is making progress. Because it was previously unreadable if the word count was over 2000+, but now I can read it. Because JJ changed the PC version to be suitable for mobile browsing~~ \(^o^)/~ It's rare to find a good JJ~

Regarding the article "Flying Clouds Covering the Moon", first of all, please forgive me for bluntly saying that this article cannot be called a short story. A complete article, or novel, should at least have a complete storyline, right? Personally, I feel that this article can only be regarded as two short fragments and small scenes at best. I personally think it would be more loving if it was turned into a wedge or a side story. Since the author requires Zhuan Yao to focus on commenting on the characters, let's talk about some immature opinions. I think Chi Lingpiao is the more vividly portrayed character among the three protagonists. Her characteristics are very outstanding, and she has a different kind of arrogance and publicity, which is more suitable for her identity as a dragon princess. Of course, this match is based on modern people's unique taste for "savage girls". She likes to dress up as a man to tame beauties, has great wealth, and has the courage to say "she is the boss wherever there is water and rivers" on the Qinhuai River. The author uses these details and fragments to outline this character vividly. At the same time, beneath this character's chattering surface, there is a righteous and passionate heart, faintly revealing the tenderness of a woman. For example, when fighting for Xuan Lichu, this feeling is particularly prominent. But overall, due to the short length and insufficient plot support, this character only has one-sided attributes. It seems to be very vivid, but in fact it is a bit thin and not three-dimensional enough. At the same time, although this character is a princess, her gender characteristics feel vague, and her feminine side is mostly blocked by the author. (Can I say that when I was reading the article, I accidentally mistook her for a minor favor?) Speaking of Bai Ning, I think the character creation was a failure. Judging from the short length of the story, this character appears a lot, but his role is too simple - a follower, Chi Lingpiao's follower. I can't see my unique personality and charm, and my only characteristic is that I love eating, which doesn't make people feel cute. All in all, this is a character who feels dispensable. The identity of the successor to Xuanmen set by the author and the fairy temperament in the eyes of outsiders are basically not shown. For this group of three, I think the designs of Chi Lingpiao and Bai Ning are too similar. They are both careless and heartless girls. At the same time, because Chi Lingpiao is more dazzling, Bai Ning seems to have no sense of existence and no need to exist. I don't know if most of you read Japanese comics. In Japanese comics, if there are multiple protagonists, then each protagonist's temperament is very different, and then when combined, almost every reader can find their own cuteness. Now that this article is a series of short stories about a threesome, I think we might as well widen the difference between Chi Lingpiao and Bai Ning, make their personalities more complementary, and create Bai Ning's unique cuteness and characteristics, instead of just being a colorless follower. (To put it in a bad way, you might as well use a little playful ambiguity. Anyway, Chi Lingpiao likes women to dress up as men and TX beauties~~) Finally, let's talk about Xuan Lichu. I think this character is quite successful. There are not many brush strokes, but the characteristics are very firmly grasped, and the gentle and humble good temper is vividly displayed on the paper. And the most important thing is that this character does not make people feel weak at all, but has a faint smell of sinisterness. I wonder if he is the future male protagonist? (Look, obviously I regarded this article as the beginning of a long article. This article really does not feel like a complete article, let me reiterate!) Well, the boss lady's opinion is actually very good, so I just picked up the missing pieces. I want to talk about the structure of this article. So the onlookers must be suspicious. This article is obviously neither a short story nor a novel. There is no structure at all. Well. Boss, I looked around and said, "Children's shoes, in fact, this kind of article is more deceptive." There was a small problem at the beginning of the collection of this article. Because of the structure of this article, both the boss and the wife thought that this article was an unfinished novel and could not be included as a short story. However, due to the author's solemn assurance that this article is absolutely finished, we finally closed it. So let me talk about the long and short aspects of this article. Let me first talk about the reasons why this article is not a short story. First, the boss lady has already said that a story must have a complete plot to express its core. Although this article also has two fragments of short stories, these two fragments are not the main story, that is to say, they are not stories that can express the author's theme and central idea. They are just numerous fragments written to highlight the themes and characters. So what is a subsection and what is the main story? Take this article for example. The story of this article has three main characters, and then this article writes two fragments. One is the plot on the Qinhuai River, which contains the punishment of bullies, and then introduces the other two characters of Bai Zong. The second clip is about having dinner at the prince's palace, which leads to the story of Bixi, his brother and the emperor. In this way, a complete story must have a cause, a process and an end, and the reason why the two fragments in this article are not considered short stories by us is because these two fragments only have a cause, a process, and no ending. At this point, some readers want to ask. These two clips are clearly written and have an ending. Why do you still say there is no ending? Don't wait for people to be fooled like this. So, please watch me explain slowly. The first segment is the Qinhuai River. In fact, it just introduces the three characters of this article, as well as the background and identity of these three characters. The two people from Bai Zong who appear later in the story serve a similar function as a long novel used to lead to the foreshadowing of the rest of the story [if there is a continuation of this article]. By the same token, the plot about Tour Xi, his brother and the emperor in the second clip is just the tip of the iceberg. Because the so-called ending must be that all the foreshadowing in the story is clearly explained, and the ending and the ins and outs of the characters must be clearly explained. Only then can it be considered the true ending of a story. And this article, after the author introduced so many characters and foreshadowings, actually marked "Completed" is really unfair. This kind of ending, no matter how I look at it, boss, I think it means that the author has lost enthusiasm for writing the story and doesn't want to cheat, so he just marked "Completed" to count himself as completing the task. And whether this story is true or not is a lie. Moreover, the foundation has not been laid yet, and the construction pit has just begun. And how does this article become a real short story? It's actually not difficult. First, the author needs to establish a center. What exactly are you going to write about in this story? Is your protagonist multiple protagonists or single protagonist? Your plot must be used by the center, so you can't write randomly here and there. This habit of adding more characters as you write is unacceptable. Secondly, the story needs to be coherent, not just fragments like now. Your current plot design is very suitable for writing small interlocking stories. That is to say, there are many small stories that seem unrelated, but in fact they all have a main line. By the end, these small stories can be connected into a loop. Such stories are very suitable for the characters and story expressions you are currently designing. But what you lack now is the thread that ties the story together. But if this is a short story, your story is obviously too thin. What it lacks is not a thread, but flesh and blood. You must flesh out the story, or like the short story I reviewed before, just pick out a key conflict and write the plot solely around this conflict, rather than the current way of writing where the rain and dew are evenly distributed.

It's fun, I really want to see how it develops in the future.