Rain's Affairs

Sorry, are you still paying attention????????

Boss, how long will it take you to come out? I've been waiting to dye my hair. Thank you. Hurry up.

Boss Yi, why did you stop writing after the fifth chapter? I really want to see the ending.

Xiao Yiyi, I wrote a long review for you, the address is below, take a look if you have time! I hope it will be of some help to you, come on! Http://www. Jjwxc. Net/onebook. Php? Novelid=48218&chapterid=12

Awesome! I really want to see the ending as soon as possible.

Speechless, come on~

If you have any questions, please go directly to Chu Chu Lian Wu!

Did Mr. Chu Chu's comment come from me? If the author had posted it under Chu Chu's name, his behavior could be said to be shameless.

I'm sorry, there was a problem with the mouse and that's it! Netizen: Chu Chu Lianwu Comment: "Rain's Love" Score: 0 Publication time: 2005-06-09 23:18:44 Administrators can delete this post!

I took a look at your revised article. Specifically speaking, it is better than the previous one, but there are still some problems. This time I will give you all the details! Let's talk about the first chapter first. Let's start with the writing style. There is no big problem with the writing, but your description and rhetoric are really not very good. "After the man saw the woman get out of the car, he hugged her beautiful butt and walked towards the building." What is a "beautiful butt"? Isn't it a bit vulgar? After looking at the beautiful adjectives for each woman before, I suddenly saw such a word, which was very strange. . . . . Unexpected. Let's talk about the creation of characters. The attitude of the threatened man changed too quickly. However, after being threatened by a girl, he immediately accepted his fate. In the end, the man who could not clearly see the situation turned around and threatened the other party. It seems a bit unreasonable, right? ["Just asking a few questions!" The girl smiled even more heartily. "The extra ten million US dollars in the account was obtained by you illegally selling arms, and you sent someone to assassinate the general manager of Yangwei and Sihai." The girl's affirmative tone was like the King of Hell reading out the numerous crimes committed by men during their lifetime. ] In this paragraph, it is said to be asking a question, but why does the tone after it become affirmative? It would be better to change the way of saying it, either not to say the question, or to put a question mark after what the girl said. Another thing to mention is that it seems that the five girls all have their own English names. I think you should explain the English names of each. Why do they call each other by their Chinese names and then their English names? It's a bit confusing~ Also, what is the relationship between Xing Yang and ANGEL? One of them? Or just good friends? It should be explained more clearly. [Had she not been accidentally set up by Fei Shui'er, she would not have made a bet with Bai Xinqi. If she became an internationally famous model, she would have to become this year's "Dancing Angel". The loser would have to cook for the other party for a year, and what she hates most in her life is cooking. Unexpectedly, since she met Yan Shiming, with his help, she actually succeeded. The two accidentally sparked a love, and she was now in this miserable and miserable situation, and she was not allowed to appear on stage in disguise. ] Who is the spark of love between her and him mentioned here? I know you mentioned Bai Xinqi later, but this passage can easily lead to confusion. Be careful not to always use "she", especially if both people are girls, you can use their names instead of "she". [The car passed the fountain and saw a high-end villa made of white jade not far ahead. Although it only had five floors, it was extremely majestic. It blended British, Spanish and Norwegian Gothic architectural styles. It was built on the water. The villa covers an area of ​​​​large, not inferior to the Hertash Museum in St. Petersburg. Compared with the Taj Mahal in India, her white charm is even worse. ] Well. . . What should I say about this paragraph??? It's too exaggerated. . . . . Let me also tell you that classical architecture in Europe generally has two styles: one is the classicism style, which is rigorous and concise, and pays attention to symmetry; the other is the Baroque style, which is gorgeous and luxurious, does not pay attention to symmetry, and usually likes to use all kinds of weird and exquisite reliefs. What style of villa are you talking about? A villa covers an area similar to that of the Hermitage Museum in St. Petersburg?????!!!!! I really have no words~~~~:) You must know that the "Hermitage" is the largest museum in the world, one of the classical buildings that Russians are most proud of. What they often say is that if they want to visit this museum, it will take three months; if they want to see all the collections, it will take three years. . . . . . Exaggeration in the novel is okay, but it must be appropriate. If it involves something realistic, be cautious. Otherwise, people who understand you will laugh at you. Finally, let me tell you~ We don't call it "Hermitage" in Chinese, we call it "Winter Palace". The first chapter is here for now, and I will give you a small summary. It can be seen that you wrote it very seriously and put a lot of effort into it. However, it seems that you cannot fully grasp the writing and tend to be wordy. It seems that you are struggling to explain something. However, because there are many characters and there is no way to explain them all clearly, it seems difficult. It is suggested that the author should go through the characters who are going to appear, who is what, when they will appear, what position they occupy in the novel, what they do, what are the connections between the characters, etc. . . It is best to list these on paper and try to write them clearly. When describing the heroine Liu Yu, it is best not to use the expression "the devil's light flashes in her eyes", which is very creepy. What does the devil's light feel like? It is recommended to use other simpler and clearer adjectives. For example, "gloomy", "cold", or even "evil" are all fine, at least they are specific and not that excessive. Then comes the second chapter. ["How could it be? Doesn't Guangchuan Haoye love Xu Bingying very much? Why did Wang Qian come to me? Doesn't she know that she hates the wrong person?" Xing Yang covered his mouth in surprise. "Brother, is this news accurate?"] Starting from this paragraph, I have a question, who is this "Wang Qian"? It seems to have something to do with ANGEL, is he one of them? Friend? Enemy? I don't think I found the connection between her and the various characters in your article. It seemed to appear suddenly, without warning or background. . . . To be honest, I didn't see what role she played. I would like to suggest to the author that if your novel only plans to write 70,000 to 80,000 words, it is better not to have so many characters. Firstly, it seems confusing. Secondly, there is no way to explain so many characters clearly in a short article. Thirdly, more characters means more plots, which also means one more characterization. If the author's skill has not reached that level yet, it is better to write a simpler article first. Or increase the number of words in the article to hundreds of thousands of words. [Her hypnosis fails. The world's most powerful hypnosis technique has no effect on Xing Zeqi. ] I want to tell you in this paragraph that if hypnosis fails, the hypnotist will be rebounded by his own hypnosis. Hypnosis is about mental power. Whoever has strong mental power and strong will will win. It is not a technique that means the hypnotist can easily walk away if he fails. [Fei Shui'er's big eyes become bright and shiny, emitting a terrifying light from time to time] What is the terrible light? I felt terrible watching it. The author. . . . . If the name of the organization is Angel, then don't use such a scary adjective, okay? Besides, I think there is only one member in the organization who really kills people! Why do people with special skills and good abilities have "demon eyes" or "terrible light"? I don't see them doing anything evil, other than fighting criminals. Or maybe they are actually bloodthirsty at heart? In fact, they really like a life full of bullets? But what I saw later was not like this. . . . . . An exciting life will indeed make people different, but I think sharp eyes can be better described! The eyes of people who have gone through vicissitudes of life are indeed much deeper than ordinary people, but the heroine I saw has sharp eyes, which is too conspicuous