[Katekyō Hitman Reborn! First Generation] Utopia

No, no, no, it's just that I didn't discover this fairy tale at first.

After waiting for Mr. D to realize that Miss Seale was telling the truth, he was miserable!

Even if he is a scumbag, I will still light the wax for Grandpa Shigu~~(￣?￣)

Happy New Year to you all!

Watching the whole process, I felt that Selina was a bit like the image of Gu Li in her childhood, proud and strong, with a poisonous tongue but gentleness. I actually like her character very much. She treats her friends in her own way. I feel this kind of image expression deeply.

I was shocked when I saw a girl wrote a long series of comments for you. This cliffhanger is true love. My word count may not be that many, but I hope you don't dislike it. To be honest, I feel that my skills in making long-term reviews must have deteriorated a lot since I haven't taken orders for half a year. I also feel that my vision is much more picky than before. I would say I can be a bit venomous. There are both bright spots and flaws, but let's start with the flaws first. I prefer to read more relaxed fan fiction, which is the kind of articles that people generally read with the feeling of "what the hell is this hahahaha", simple, crude and easy to understand. I also want to say that the first generation of articles is not easy to write. In my opinion, many people can't stand the original plot. You are really brave to write this... The plot is a bit draggy in some ways. Although the author will feel uncomfortable if some things are not explained clearly, readers will not want to read if it is written too much. I am one of them. I want to say that I almost wanted to close it after reading the first chapter. If there is no foreshadowing in the first chapter and no attractive plot of the heroine's cool childhood, this article will have no future... Reading the 210,000 words makes me a little painful. The most attractive thing about Jinjiang readers is the first three chapters. There are too few serious people in the world, and there are very few people who want to read serious content and have the patience to do so, so this article fell on the starting line from the beginning. No matter how attractive the plot behind it is. Inexplicably, I feel that the characters' personalities are not very distinct. I don't know if it's my imagination. I feel that Amano didn't explain too much about the characters of the first generation, so I have to make up some characters' personalities myself, which is quite troublesome. Therefore, I usually read the first generation's stories as originals, but I guess I can only read them as originals. However, I think there is still room for expansion of the characters in your article, and a more in-depth description based on the original basis given by Amano, but this does not mean that the characters are OOC. In the early stage, the translation style is very visual. Many people want this style of writing and they really don't want it. The author will intersperse a little humor from time to time and it is very comfortable to watch. This rare writing style is simply good news for those girls who like translation style of writing. However, I think there are not many girls who like this style of writing in Jinjiang. This style of writing can be used in Western classics, but in the second dimension it is purely OTZ. As for flaws, it's probably that the writing style is not suitable for two-dimensional writing, and I'm not trying to make you change your ideals or anything like that. I just hope that if you want to continue writing in the second dimension, you must modify your writing style slightly. Let's talk about the highlight of this article? Although the plot is dragged out and boring at times, the connection between the plot is quite good. Although it makes people feel anxious after watching it, at least it will not be confusing. I feel that this article exudes a calm and wise high-end atmosphere from beginning to end. There's nothing to say about the writing style, and dividing lines are never used [I'm so happy to see that I often use dividing lines]. I really like the relationship development between the heroine and Giotto, and I also like the ending. You can tell that she is a real mother at a glance [I am a pure stepdad, so love is not a vulgar love at first sight. In fact, there is nothing about love at first sight. The most important thing is that you did not write the relationship in a too stupid way. I give you praise. It's commendable that the character doesn't have OOC, but even if it does, it's not obvious, making it seem like the character wasn't originally created by the author. The plot is protracted but quite full and not too cliche. If you can persist in reading it, most people who can read it will probably think it is a good article. In addition to hoping that you can improve your writing skills based on your future, I also hope that you will not be proud of your good writing skills. I hope that you can find more inspiration by reading some happier articles. I feel that my requirements may be a bit high for you, but I still hope that Mr. Shishi's level can be improved to a higher level. Please do your best in the future. Illegal gathering | Changpingpu BY A language

Congratulations!!! Sorry for the hard work, the author~~I'm so happy to see the ending~~O(≧

First of all, congratulations again! Congratulations on the ending. Congratulations on the ending. XDDD I watched part of it last year. The two protagonists are together this summer. It's really great! ! (Although the review is delayed again and again OTL) When I was finishing the FIN of the text, I saw Fourteen saying that the ending was a bit of a fairy tale... Actually, I thought the plot of running towards Giotto was great. I was very touched when I watched it. QWQ It would be great to be together w Elena and Speddo are also very satisfied. Anyway, it's good to say HE ww Celia, please allow me to cry for a while... I didn't feel much when I saw her death at first. After all, when she appeared on the stage, I wondered if this girl would die. Later, she joined forces with Spedo... After seeing this plot, I knew she would definitely die [Hey. The point is that after the separation, it was really sad. QAQ guessed that Celia died for Syl. When she saw Kate saying that, she was still very sad. QAQ almost shed tears. After reading a lot of nonsense (there is a suspicion of trying to make up the word count), the following is the main text [wait 1. About writing style The biggest surprise that "Utopia" gave me should be the writing style of the entire text. The translation tone in the early stage was heavier, and as a die-hard fan of this style of writing, I feel very satisfied. QWQ The style of writing written after the college entrance examination feels a little lighter, but it is still very comfortable to read w very much in line with Miss Seale's temperament! The early translations have the same tone, and the description ideas are very similar to Waiguoren, as are some common metaphors. But it is not entirely an authentic translation. The liveliness of the language can also feel the vitality of Searleww PS: Speaking of which, Shi Shi's first-person writing style is pretty good QWQ! But the last time I read your Yunqi... Maybe in my eyes, Cullom is a big soft girl [wait, so when Shi Shi uses the first person of Cullom... The writing style is a bit uncomfortable. The third person perspective and Syl's perspective in "Utopia" both feel good ww 2. About the first person Speaking of the first person... A few days ago, Fourteen Forgiveness Nest made a general stupid comment in Jinjiang. OTLLLL I read seven or eight chapters last year and decided to finish it for a long review. As a result... It seems that I only remember the content of the prologue and the Sear sisters = = Because I remember that the prologue is in the third person. At that time, I glanced at the last updated chapter and saw that it was in the first person... Then I replied how to change it to the first person... Please, please don't make a face QAQ! ! Ahem, the pen has changed (how did you change it). The first person in "Utopia" is very comfortable to read. Should the first person be an advantage in this aspect? Readers can easily immerse themselves in the story. Another point is mentioned above, the writing style is also very good, so I think the first person this time is quite successful in terms of reading experience w What's a little regrettable is the characters. This is also a common problem with first-person...? Because the perspective is relatively limited, except for a few important characters, I think there is still room for fleshing out some characters. ——Affected by the fourteenth and fourteenth CPs, in addition to Giotto, Cyr, Liu Daogui, Celia, and Arnold (the boss of the intelligence agency is a selfish OTL), Spedo and Elena also attract special attention. Overall, I think the three in the girls' group are more touching than those in the men's group. Maybe it's because Syl has had more contact with them? Without the support of the original work, the image of the Hanzi group would be a bit weak. However, Shi Shi is still very mature in using the first person to deal with character issues. For example, in Arnold's first appearance, Celia has already left a deep impression on readers in the early stage. This strong girl in front of Arnold... 233 Syl heard their conversation from the sidelines. I personally remember this scene very well: if the direct writing about Arnold himself is first-hand news, and the side reaction of Celia is second-hand news, then after filtering through Sear's analysis, Arnold's image is already third-hand news. But not only did Arnold not lose his shape, it can even be said that in just a few paragraphs, the reader already knows what kind of person Arnold is. This not only makes good use of Searle's perspective, but also cleverly reflects Arnold's character through Celia (how does it feel like writing about reading comprehension)? Really great! 32 Likes! 3. About the plot Please allow me to start by saying: I haven't seen enough of the history of entrepreneurship! Hello! ! Although I don't object to falling in love in the future... But I always feel that there is very little entrepreneurial history. Wow QAQ started out writing about children, and later there were several heart-wrenching plots... However (this must be a personal feeling?) I always felt that the first generation developed too fast. Before taking a few steps, the strength of the self-defense group had increased dramatically, and I skipped directly to the disintegration of friends in the later QAQ However, considering Searle's perspective, this is not a big problem. After all, Ciel is not Giotto, and Ciel is... Lively and active, and has survived confinement. Some of the hardships of struggle should be able to be written about the male group, but what Sile said is not reasonable. Moreover, Seal is a senior member of the Self-Defense Group and has little contact with the lower-level members of the Self-Defense Group (first-person limitation?). In addition, writing about Syl's growth and conflicts with Speddo and others makes the plot very fulfilling. To sum up, I think it is okay to write the history of entrepreneurship in this way w If I were to find fault, it would be the foreshadowing, which was a bit too much. Fourteen should be trying to convince Giotto to join the self-defense group by writing about the lives of lower-class residents and children? Mainly this part... Judging from the length of the full text of more than 220,000 words, I feel that a bit too much has been spent on this aspect. Especially Mr. Edward's tavern... Except for the side story when Fourteen went to take the college entrance examination, his subsequent appearances have almost disappeared [...] The same goes for Syl's sister, who wrote more sentences about her. Combined with Syl herself, we can see from the beginning that Syl is an aristocratic lady who is incompatible with the aristocracy. Why Ciel is incompatible with the nobility... I only see that Ciel wants freedom of movement and easy dressing. In this regard, Syl can only be regarded as a willful noble lady. I think her incompatibility should be reflected in her thoughts. For example, Syl agreed with Giotto's ideals when she was a child. This point is not made clear in the article. (Speaking of why Sil doesn't like his father... I still don't understand OTL. I also don't understand my father's attitude towards Sil and Sil's mother...) I think it would be better to make it clear. Otherwise, why would Syl agree to Giotto so quickly despite the danger? As a reader, I haven't been convinced yet. Syl seems to have been abducted by Giotto OTL. Coupled with my childhood memories, I think it was not very difficult for Giotto to convince Searle. If he wanted to write about the hardships of people's lives, writing about children and their parents would be enough. So the plot is a bit slow in this aspect, and the word count of Edward's Tavern could also be less...? But speaking of the previous plot, the characters in the article later recalled the previous story, and then advanced the current emotional line... This point is very cute to me ///, there is a lot of foreshadowing, but each plot is well arranged, and it feels great to progress layer by layer w 4. Giotto's emotional line and Syl's amnesia line ... Every little point in this review is a bit mixed up OTL. For example, the plot line still talks about the first person... Shishi, please don't mind QAQ. My brain has always been so confusing. The point is that after realizing the confusion, this review will continue to be chaotic [...] To be honest, these two lines are kind of... When I came back from the 14th college entrance examination, I remembered that I had to make up these two lines before I wrote them. OTL, I think these two lines can completely run through the whole text, but later on, they were more pen and ink, which was a bit sudden. Moreover, the plot of the second chapter is also very dense. Different from the previous history of struggle, all kinds of character conflicts are basically gathered together. OTL is not tiring to read at all, but considering the whole story, I think it would be better to have more hints of these two lines in the front QWQ Also, Giotto had feelings for Syl since he was a child... Syl has always heard this from others. Giotto himself didn't seem to say it seriously (I forgot about this plot OTL). The whole article also says that Giotto is quite shy... I think the specific development process lacks a step-by-step process. There are also some things that are not very reasonable... That is, Giotto and Ciel are in love. Here is an example, that is when Cyr and Giotto went to negotiate with Spedo. Ciel also understood that Spedo could not see others showing affection, especially Giotto and Ciel. When Cyr realized that Giotto was nervous... Was it really okay for her to reach out and hold his hand? OTL What would Speddo think when he saw it... Readers can figure it out with their toes. OTL There is also Giotto's performance in a very serious plot. There are too many sentences about Giotto caring about Cyr, which makes Giotto's consideration of the overall situation a bit weak. As for the amnesia line, I think there is a small bug in Syl's mother... I mentioned earlier that Sylve has a vague memory of his mother, but I remember a chapter about Searle remembering his mother's teachings. Although it is not difficult to find a reason to explain this, it is best to explain it later. There are also Syl's parents... I mentioned w in parentheses before and I think I can explain the identity of Syl's sister at the beginning. Later, it makes more sense that she doesn't like her father. 5. About the characters Let me cry for a while first Celia QAQ... In fact, I think I have talked about some of the characters before. Some of them were originally planned to be discussed in this section, but it turned out that I have already talked about them = = So I just wrote whatever came to my mind... First up is Elena, she was initially... When she was rated as a femme fatale, the character of Elena written by Fourteen was different from what I imagined. OTL I didn't write much about this later in the article. I mainly wrote about her goddess side, so there is no conflict with Fourteen w Speaking of which, Speddo and Elena ended up being so happy =V= When I read it, I just thought about perfection and perfection □□ Moreover, Shi Shi's writing style is also great. The writing of Elena is really beautiful QWWWQ. It has a very goddess feel! I instantly understood Syl's mood. 233 The setting of Elena liking ice cream is also cute w and she also likes Syl to act coquettishly at Elena's place v Speaking of Elena, I think of Sile's other friend Celia. Let's talk about them together first. Both are close friends of Sile, and their relationship with Sile is somewhat similar... Both Elena and Celia can unilaterally complain about Sile. This should be a personal issue. I always feel a little awkward. QAQ Later, Elena and Sile became relatively equal in this regard, so I solved this knot. [What Although Celia is a girl with clever methods, she is actually quite easy to see through, and the more transparent she is, the more she feels sorry for this girl. QAQ There are many characters like Celia in many novels. But now that I think about it, maybe I thought that Celia would die, but I didn't expect that after she died... I wanted to cry again QA□ When Celia said "Goodbye, Syl", I automatically understood that she died for Syl, but when Kate reminded her like that, I still couldn't help but want to cry QAQ Really sad QAQ Although I don't think I've seen enough of the Kate extravaganza, it's still very, very satisfying to see the author have something to say at the end, eh. What I would like to add to the previous article should be the detailed treatment of Searle's character and some characters. One is Searle's setting, which feels a bit too much. Information dealer, Miss Judas, Sharpshooter... OTL, I feel that the existence of Sharpshooter and Miss Judas is relatively weak. Especially the marksman. Although there is an archery competition plot where Sylve competes twice, her later weapons are also arrows and she is good at sniping... I think this setting can be deleted or replaced. Miss Judas: As mentioned above, Ciel is also ideologically out of tune with the aristocratic circle (referred to as the aristocratic circle [hey]), and I feel that he has not made good use of it. Intelligence dealers actually have the same problem. The first time I saw intelligence work, I thought of Arnold... Although I overthink OTL, in fact, Sear can also look at Arnold from the perspective of a peer, but it is a pity that it is not in the article... It is a pity QAQ and Cyr's departure from the noble's home. Overall, I feel that Syl's character and relationships with various characters are not fully utilized, and there is room for exploration (a similar problem is the lack of Sapphire's perspective after Celia's death). In addition, as for Syl... Mr. Giotto's characteristics of combining rationality and stupidity appear to be somewhat peaceful in the article... In terms of detailed processing, may it be due to the consideration of GiottoBG at this time? Therefore, the Guardians and Cozart all have some involvement in the plot, and everyone's appearances are quite even. In fact, I think I can briefly write about a few people... If I introduce someone like Sapphire at the beginning, I can write more about his growth. In the end, Arnold was an outside consultant. The article mentioned OTL as an important department of Vongola. I think this point can be buried in the front. QAQ And I still have a question! What happened to the fortune teller with powerful prediction ability? QAQ! ! 6. Some random talk This part is actually for me to end with [Hey Overall, "Utopia" is a very interesting QWQ in terms of writing style, plot and characters! ! Thank you very much Fourteen for bringing such a wonderful work! And Fourteen's traps are much better than those of a Terminator like me in Chapter 1 QAQ And the titles of each chapter! ! Perfect for treating obsessive-compulsive disorder! ! I feel like it's so hard to think about each chapter QAQ In fact, I have never disliked Giotto's idealism. He can have such a spiritual state and fight for it. He is really a great person. He is also lucky that he can make like-minded friends. Even Spedo, I believe that deep down in his heart, he agrees with Giotto's ideals and friendship. I am reminded of a sentence in "The Catcher in the Rye": An immature idealist will die tragically for his ideals, while a mature idealist is willing to live modestly for his ideals. Giotto is that mature idealist. Although many people say he is too naive, it is that innocence that is his rare shining point. His abdication also minimized Vongola's internal casualties. It is really not easy to come down from the peak of power. His original intention has never changed. It is precisely because he has not changed that he can do these things that can even be said to overcome human nature. What's even more fortunate is that his partners, as well as the original characters written by Seal and Fourteen, never forget their original intentions and live up to their original aspirations. So I was really happy when I saw the ending. It was just fine for them to be themselves and to be together. And, if everyone can do this, the Utopia will surely appear on earth. ↑Please ignore my confusing sentence above. Finally, I finish with the words from "The Republic" (written by Plato): When things are at their best, they are least susceptible to being changed or affected by other things. For example, a strong body is not easily affected by diet or fatigue; healthy plants are not easily affected by sunlight, wind, rain, etc. Isn't the human mind the same? The bravest and wisest minds are the least susceptible to external interference and influence.

Congratulations on the completion! I will post a copy of it on the Changping Post Bar and Jinjiang later. You can pick it up wherever you like on the 14th and have a look. 233 Let me know when 18bg is finished, you may not watch it... Qwq now only watches 6910 18018 and Yundu in 18... Otz If you can continue to read, I will write a long review. Hey, do you all have the intention to turn to original posts? I don't have any love for my original posts, qaq, mainly because I don't want to write otz.

Congratulations on the completion! You have worked really hard these days! However, if BOSS knows his ancestor, misunderstands him and regards him as a philanderer, he will definitely be very sad!