Hello author! Here comes the one who left a comment!
In terms of copywriting, the author has certain skills, and he has captured the central "skeleton" of the article to show the highlights of the article, but there is no connection between the several sentences, it is confusing, and there is no focus. If I read it before reading the main text, I would have no idea about the basic relationship between the protagonists, and naturally I would not be interested in the article. I suggest that you reveal more information in the copy, such as the identity of the characters, etc., To make the point of interest clearer.
I won't go into detail about the importance of the beginning to online writing. Unfortunately, the author's first chapter is rather confusing. This will also exist in the follow-up, so I'll talk about it together.
The first is language style. I think the original poster's writing style is too literary for modern words. Language such as "Everyone sighs" and "Where does it come from..." Are inconsistent with the style of modern entertainment circles, making the whole article look a bit strange. I hope it can be corrected.
Secondly, the author can write more descriptions about the background of the entertainment industry. The author is very dedicated to describing the backgrounds of the protagonists and their pasts, but the background of an article is equivalent to a large framework, giving us the first impression of the story and the protagonist. Insufficient portrayal of the entertainment industry will make the whole story appear messy and disorganized. The protagonists seem to be outside the world. Their identities as "big stars", "rich second generation", etc. Only have one title, which is not real enough.
Furthermore, the plot is too jumpy. For example, in the first chapter, "He must have wanted to send her home and take care of her, but he didn't have the chance. It's so funny that he didn't have the chance." This sentence implies that Zhuang Weize had many such opportunities before and was very close to the heroine. What follows should be the close relationship between Zhuang Weize and the heroine in the past. However, it suddenly changes to the childhood of the heroine and her sister and why the sister has a bad attitude towards the heroine. The transition is abrupt and incoherent, making it difficult for readers to follow.
Another example is the section about falling leaves at the beginning of the second chapter. It has nothing to do with the "late night snack" before and after. It feels like it is following a line and suddenly breaks off, and then the desire to read on will be weakened.
The above are the shortcomings of the small plot. The author also has similar problems with the big plot, such as the memory killing coming too suddenly. Usually this kind of article treats memories as suspense, revealing fragmentary clues about the events of that year from all sides, and then uses the current plot as the main line, and develops it to a certain extent, and then fully reveals it after the readers have enough understanding of the characters. However, the characterization at the beginning of this article is insufficient, the treatment of character relationships is too rigid and single, and the story has not yet developed. Revealing the past at this time does not relieve the suspense, but makes the main line even more confusing.
I guess the author wrote the memories first because he wanted to release Zheng Yiyang, but in fact, he could have let the four protagonists develop the story first, and then released the memories and Zheng Yiyang. Otherwise, if you look at it this way, readers would not feel entangled in Zheng Yiyang's appearance. People who think they are dead are not dead, and point out that their "death" was planned by a certain protagonist. This meme usually creates the feeling of "breaking the original harmonious pattern or existing impression" and makes readers worried. However, because the feelings for the four protagonists are not deep enough, the existing impression of Zhuang Weize is not fixed, and the "law" composed of their relationship has not been formed. Naturally, there is no such feeling of shock and worry, making the originally exciting meme too dull.
If the author really wants to write the story after Zheng Yiyang returns, then the previous story does not need to be too long, but the characters must be prominent enough. Obviously, the characters in the early stage are one-sided, for the reasons mentioned above.
The author is actually very careful in setting up, and if he puts more thought into laying out these technical things, I think the story will be more exciting, come on! But the last point is that this article is titled "Substitute", but it has not mentioned the plot of the substitute for more than ten chapters, which feels a bit inconsistent with the title. I don't know how many words the author expects to write, but it's best to address the questions in the first three to five chapters, otherwise readers will be lost.
Hello author! Here comes the one who left a comment!
In terms of copywriting, the author has certain skills, and he has captured the central "skeleton" of the article to show the highlights of the article, but there is no connection between the several sentences, it is confusing, and there is no focus. If I read it before reading the main text, I would have no idea about the basic relationship between the protagonists, and naturally I would not be interested in the article. I suggest that you reveal more information in the copy, such as the identity of the characters, etc., To make the point of interest clearer.
I won't go into detail about the importance of the beginning to online writing. Unfortunately, the author's first chapter is rather confusing. This will also exist in the follow-up, so I'll talk about it together.
The first is language style. I think the original poster's writing style is too literary for modern words. Language such as "Everyone sighs" and "Where does it come from..." Are inconsistent with the style of modern entertainment circles, making the whole article look a bit strange. I hope it can be corrected.
Secondly, the author can write more descriptions about the background of the entertainment industry. The author is very dedicated to describing the backgrounds of the protagonists and their pasts, but the background of an article is equivalent to a large framework, giving us the first impression of the story and the protagonist. Insufficient portrayal of the entertainment industry will make the whole story appear messy and disorganized. The protagonists seem to be outside the world. Their identities as "big stars", "rich second generation", etc. Only have one title, which is not real enough. Moreover, there are too many protagonists, so each one is not profound enough, which makes people feel that the author is unable to do what he wants. It is better to distinguish the priorities.
Furthermore, the plot is too jumpy. For example, in the first chapter, "He must have wanted to send her home and take care of her, but he didn't have the chance. It's so funny that he didn't have the chance." This sentence implies that Zhuang Weize had many such opportunities before and was very close to the heroine. What follows should be the close relationship between Zhuang Weize and the heroine in the past. However, it suddenly changes to the childhood of the heroine and her sister and why the sister has a bad attitude towards the heroine. The transition is abrupt and incoherent, making it difficult for readers to follow.
Another example is the section about falling leaves at the beginning of the second chapter. It has nothing to do with the "late night snack" before and after. It feels like it is following a line and suddenly breaks off, and then the desire to read on will be weakened.
The above are the shortcomings of the small plot. The author also has similar problems with the big plot, such as the memory killing coming too suddenly. Usually this kind of article treats memories as suspense, revealing fragmentary clues about the events of that year from all sides, and then uses the current plot as the main line, and develops it to a certain extent, and then fully reveals it after the readers have enough understanding of the characters. However, the characterization at the beginning of this article is insufficient, the treatment of character relationships is too rigid and single, and the story has not yet developed. Revealing the past at this time does not relieve the suspense, but makes the main line even more confusing.
I guess the author wrote the memories first because he wanted to release Zheng Yiyang, but in fact, he could have let the four protagonists develop the story first, and then released the memories and Zheng Yiyang. Otherwise, if you look at it this way, readers would not feel entangled in Zheng Yiyang's appearance. People who think they are dead are not dead, and point out that their "death" was planned by a certain protagonist. This meme usually creates the feeling of "breaking the original harmonious pattern or existing impression" and makes readers worried. However, because the feelings for the four protagonists are not deep enough, the existing impression of Zhuang Weize is not fixed, and the "law" composed of their relationship has not been formed. Naturally, there is no such feeling of shock and worry, making the originally exciting meme too dull.
If the author really wants to write the story after Zheng Yiyang returns, then the previous story does not need to be too long, but the characters must be prominent enough. Obviously, the characters in the early stage are one-sided, for the reasons mentioned above.
The author is actually very careful in setting up, and if he puts more thought into laying out these technical things, I think the story will be more exciting, come on! But the last point is that this article is titled "Substitute", but it has not mentioned the plot of the substitute for more than ten chapters, which feels a bit inconsistent with the title. I don't know how many words the author expects to write, but it's best to address the questions in the first three to five chapters, otherwise readers will be lost.
The personal article is good~ Welcome to Penguin Hookup, Yilinlinsiliu, Erlinlulinjiujiu~~
Come on, the copywriting should be quite tortuous and cruel. It's not easy for newbies, come on
Support, don't be a eunuch.
The writing is good. Collected. Hey-hey.
Well, brother, don't blame me for being chatty, I'm already reading his articles now.
I would like to give some suggestions to my brother. The layout of the article can be a little more spacey, like here:
"I'll go to the bathroom and you two can talk." If she continued to listen, Jiang Xueli couldn't guarantee whether she could suppress her anger. Is her sister now a puppet who shouldn't have feelings and thoughts in her eyes? My sister classified them as strangers with just one word. If she refuted, she would be even more shameless.
Jiang Xueli's eyes turned red when she saw herself in the mirror.
In the hall outside, Zhuang Weize asked Jiang Yingtao: "How long do you plan to torture your sister? Don't you have the heart?"
If the plot is not closely related to the above, you can leave it blank, like this:
"I'll go to the bathroom and you two can talk." If she continued to listen, Jiang Xueli couldn't guarantee whether she could suppress her anger. Is her sister now a puppet who shouldn't have feelings and thoughts in her eyes? My sister classified them as strangers with just one word. If she refuted, she would be even more shameless.
Jiang Xueli's eyes turned red when she saw herself in the mirror.
In the hall outside, Zhuang Weize asked Jiang Yingtao: "How long do you plan to torture your sister? Don't you have the heart?"
Well, it feels more comfortable.
Potential readers may be lost due to formatting.
It's just a suggestion, I hope you can accept it.
Hello author! Here comes the one who left a comment! In terms of copywriting, the author has certain skills, and he has captured the central "skeleton" of the article to show the highlights of the article, but there is no connection between the several sentences, it is confusing, and there is no focus. If I read it before reading the main text, I would have no idea about the basic relationship between the protagonists, and naturally I would not be interested in the article. I suggest that you reveal more information in the copy, such as the identity of the characters, etc., To make the point of interest clearer. I won't go into detail about the importance of the beginning to online writing. Unfortunately, the author's first chapter is rather confusing. This will also exist in the follow-up, so I'll talk about it together. The first is language style. I think the original poster's writing style is too literary for modern words. Language such as "Everyone sighs" and "Where does it come from..." Are inconsistent with the style of modern entertainment circles, making the whole article look a bit strange. I hope it can be corrected. Secondly, the author can write more descriptions about the background of the entertainment industry. The author is very dedicated to describing the backgrounds of the protagonists and their pasts, but the background of an article is equivalent to a large framework, giving us the first impression of the story and the protagonist. Insufficient portrayal of the entertainment industry will make the whole story appear messy and disorganized. The protagonists seem to be outside the world. Their identities as "big stars", "rich second generation", etc. Only have one title, which is not real enough. Furthermore, the plot is too jumpy. For example, in the first chapter, "He must have wanted to send her home and take care of her, but he didn't have the chance. It's so funny that he didn't have the chance." This sentence implies that Zhuang Weize had many such opportunities before and was very close to the heroine. What follows should be the close relationship between Zhuang Weize and the heroine in the past. However, it suddenly changes to the childhood of the heroine and her sister and why the sister has a bad attitude towards the heroine. The transition is abrupt and incoherent, making it difficult for readers to follow. Another example is the section about falling leaves at the beginning of the second chapter. It has nothing to do with the "late night snack" before and after. It feels like it is following a line and suddenly breaks off, and then the desire to read on will be weakened. The above are the shortcomings of the small plot. The author also has similar problems with the big plot, such as the memory killing coming too suddenly. Usually this kind of article treats memories as suspense, revealing fragmentary clues about the events of that year from all sides, and then uses the current plot as the main line, and develops it to a certain extent, and then fully reveals it after the readers have enough understanding of the characters. However, the characterization at the beginning of this article is insufficient, the treatment of character relationships is too rigid and single, and the story has not yet developed. Revealing the past at this time does not relieve the suspense, but makes the main line even more confusing. I guess the author wrote the memories first because he wanted to release Zheng Yiyang, but in fact, he could have let the four protagonists develop the story first, and then released the memories and Zheng Yiyang. Otherwise, if you look at it this way, readers would not feel entangled in Zheng Yiyang's appearance. People who think they are dead are not dead, and point out that their "death" was planned by a certain protagonist. This meme usually creates the feeling of "breaking the original harmonious pattern or existing impression" and makes readers worried. However, because the feelings for the four protagonists are not deep enough, the existing impression of Zhuang Weize is not fixed, and the "law" composed of their relationship has not been formed. Naturally, there is no such feeling of shock and worry, making the originally exciting meme too dull. If the author really wants to write the story after Zheng Yiyang returns, then the previous story does not need to be too long, but the characters must be prominent enough. Obviously, the characters in the early stage are one-sided, for the reasons mentioned above. The author is actually very careful in setting up, and if he puts more thought into laying out these technical things, I think the story will be more exciting, come on! But the last point is that this article is titled "Substitute", but it has not mentioned the plot of the substitute for more than ten chapters, which feels a bit inconsistent with the title. I don't know how many words the author expects to write, but it's best to address the questions in the first three to five chapters, otherwise readers will be lost.
Hello author! Here comes the one who left a comment! In terms of copywriting, the author has certain skills, and he has captured the central "skeleton" of the article to show the highlights of the article, but there is no connection between the several sentences, it is confusing, and there is no focus. If I read it before reading the main text, I would have no idea about the basic relationship between the protagonists, and naturally I would not be interested in the article. I suggest that you reveal more information in the copy, such as the identity of the characters, etc., To make the point of interest clearer. I won't go into detail about the importance of the beginning to online writing. Unfortunately, the author's first chapter is rather confusing. This will also exist in the follow-up, so I'll talk about it together. The first is language style. I think the original poster's writing style is too literary for modern words. Language such as "Everyone sighs" and "Where does it come from..." Are inconsistent with the style of modern entertainment circles, making the whole article look a bit strange. I hope it can be corrected. Secondly, the author can write more descriptions about the background of the entertainment industry. The author is very dedicated to describing the backgrounds of the protagonists and their pasts, but the background of an article is equivalent to a large framework, giving us the first impression of the story and the protagonist. Insufficient portrayal of the entertainment industry will make the whole story appear messy and disorganized. The protagonists seem to be outside the world. Their identities as "big stars", "rich second generation", etc. Only have one title, which is not real enough. Moreover, there are too many protagonists, so each one is not profound enough, which makes people feel that the author is unable to do what he wants. It is better to distinguish the priorities. Furthermore, the plot is too jumpy. For example, in the first chapter, "He must have wanted to send her home and take care of her, but he didn't have the chance. It's so funny that he didn't have the chance." This sentence implies that Zhuang Weize had many such opportunities before and was very close to the heroine. What follows should be the close relationship between Zhuang Weize and the heroine in the past. However, it suddenly changes to the childhood of the heroine and her sister and why the sister has a bad attitude towards the heroine. The transition is abrupt and incoherent, making it difficult for readers to follow. Another example is the section about falling leaves at the beginning of the second chapter. It has nothing to do with the "late night snack" before and after. It feels like it is following a line and suddenly breaks off, and then the desire to read on will be weakened. The above are the shortcomings of the small plot. The author also has similar problems with the big plot, such as the memory killing coming too suddenly. Usually this kind of article treats memories as suspense, revealing fragmentary clues about the events of that year from all sides, and then uses the current plot as the main line, and develops it to a certain extent, and then fully reveals it after the readers have enough understanding of the characters. However, the characterization at the beginning of this article is insufficient, the treatment of character relationships is too rigid and single, and the story has not yet developed. Revealing the past at this time does not relieve the suspense, but makes the main line even more confusing. I guess the author wrote the memories first because he wanted to release Zheng Yiyang, but in fact, he could have let the four protagonists develop the story first, and then released the memories and Zheng Yiyang. Otherwise, if you look at it this way, readers would not feel entangled in Zheng Yiyang's appearance. People who think they are dead are not dead, and point out that their "death" was planned by a certain protagonist. This meme usually creates the feeling of "breaking the original harmonious pattern or existing impression" and makes readers worried. However, because the feelings for the four protagonists are not deep enough, the existing impression of Zhuang Weize is not fixed, and the "law" composed of their relationship has not been formed. Naturally, there is no such feeling of shock and worry, making the originally exciting meme too dull. If the author really wants to write the story after Zheng Yiyang returns, then the previous story does not need to be too long, but the characters must be prominent enough. Obviously, the characters in the early stage are one-sided, for the reasons mentioned above. The author is actually very careful in setting up, and if he puts more thought into laying out these technical things, I think the story will be more exciting, come on! But the last point is that this article is titled "Substitute", but it has not mentioned the plot of the substitute for more than ten chapters, which feels a bit inconsistent with the title. I don't know how many words the author expects to write, but it's best to address the questions in the first three to five chapters, otherwise readers will be lost.
The personal article is good~ Welcome to Penguin Hookup, Yilinlinsiliu, Erlinlulinjiujiu~~
Come on, the copywriting should be quite tortuous and cruel. It's not easy for newbies, come on
Support, don't be a eunuch.
The writing is good. Collected. Hey-hey.
Well, brother, don't blame me for being chatty, I'm already reading his articles now. I would like to give some suggestions to my brother. The layout of the article can be a little more spacey, like here: "I'll go to the bathroom and you two can talk." If she continued to listen, Jiang Xueli couldn't guarantee whether she could suppress her anger. Is her sister now a puppet who shouldn't have feelings and thoughts in her eyes? My sister classified them as strangers with just one word. If she refuted, she would be even more shameless. Jiang Xueli's eyes turned red when she saw herself in the mirror. In the hall outside, Zhuang Weize asked Jiang Yingtao: "How long do you plan to torture your sister? Don't you have the heart?" If the plot is not closely related to the above, you can leave it blank, like this: "I'll go to the bathroom and you two can talk." If she continued to listen, Jiang Xueli couldn't guarantee whether she could suppress her anger. Is her sister now a puppet who shouldn't have feelings and thoughts in her eyes? My sister classified them as strangers with just one word. If she refuted, she would be even more shameless. Jiang Xueli's eyes turned red when she saw herself in the mirror. In the hall outside, Zhuang Weize asked Jiang Yingtao: "How long do you plan to torture your sister? Don't you have the heart?" Well, it feels more comfortable. Potential readers may be lost due to formatting. It's just a suggestion, I hope you can accept it.