Writing My Heart

Also, death is not terrible, waiting for death and pain are the most terrible. (A certain degree of pain makes people obsessed. Am I really a m?) (No more games after the points are scored)

Turn excellence into a habit! By the way, you are the only person who makes me feel angry and a little cute :)

I like that sentence that the meaning of life lies in existence, because I once wrote exactly the same sentence, except that there are no quotation marks, it is word for word.

I like that sentence that the meaning of life lies in existence, because I once wrote exactly the same sentence, except that there are no quotation marks, it is word for word.

I have read this book... I was in a daze for a long time

After school, and gradually reaching the age of entering society, I began to be afraid. No, no, I should have been afraid all the time. Just like in elementary school, the teacher taught us to walk on the right, leaving the left side of the elevator for people who are in a hurry. But now, I will unconsciously walk without paying attention to the left and right. A group of people are swarming up the elevator, and there is no emergency exit anywhere. I'm afraid that what I once insisted on will gradually disappear. I know clearly what is right and what is wrong, but I force myself to stand in a gray place. This gray color does not mean that you are a little bad, but it is something that most people think it doesn't matter and will do. For example, crossing the road, waiting for traffic lights, being late for class, etc. I have a good temper but don't like to talk. I think it's enough to be polite to outsiders. Only when I'm with my friends will I be happy to hold her hand and talk non-stop. But when I went for the interview, they didn't want me. They said this little girl didn't say a few words after entering the door. I know that people who are good at communication can easily win the favor of others. Since two people can do this, they must recruit a better one. But I felt particularly aggrieved. I could do what others could do. During the interview, I answered all the questions I needed to answer. Was it just because I didn't talk about everyday things? I regard the interview as a very important thing and take it seriously. The reason why I gave up was not casual enough. In fact, you can say that my psychological quality is not good enough, you can say that I am not good enough, you can say that I have failed professional courses, you can say that I am not a good person, you can say that I am not good at communication. Why do I think the most important things are the least important? I'm sorry, I know there is a set of rules in interviews, and the reasons I think may not be the real reasons, so why don't you tell me, tell me what's wrong, so I can change it. Sometimes I really can't figure it out. Maybe it's because adults want to give good things to their children. They say girls shouldn't be too naughty and should be quiet to be lovable. Regardless of whether something is successful or not, hard work means victory. The process is the most important. However, they don't tell us that in the world of adults, we only look at the results. Efforts are only valuable after success, and only you can pay attention to the process. I still remember that in the first semester of college, I felt very tired. Why? You don't have to go to class in the evening, you can copy your homework, and no one will care about it as long as you hand it in. You don't have to go to make-up classes on Saturdays and Sundays. Why do you feel tired? Later I understood that it was because no one would tell you what to do, you had to worry about everything yourself. There were only five girls in our class, the others were all boys, and the class cadres were all boys. At the beginning, there was no class group, so when any announcement reached my ears, it was imminent. There was a meeting at 1:30, and we were notified until 1:00. At that time, we were not in school, so we were 30 minutes late despite rushing. I ran and they walked. I was in front of them and didn't dare to stay too far away from them. There is a huge contrast in our opinions. I think that if I don't hear important things, I will be delayed. But they think it is the squad leader's responsibility. It is the monitor who didn't tell them and it has nothing to do with them. I only mentioned it once and never argued with them again. If you don't conform to the crowd, you will be ostracized. It's the same everywhere. At that time, I still did what I thought was right. I woke them up in the morning, reminded them what they had to hand in, and took them to the classroom with me every class, because even at the end of the semester, they didn't remember where the classroom was. Because I don't skip classes, I think I did so once in my memory. Even if I didn't go, I would always ask the teacher for a leave note if I had something to do. So to them, I am just a burden for skipping classes, because there will always be someone who stays with me, not necessarily who it is. Until one time, I asked for leave and went home. When I returned to school the next day, they told me that it was great not to have your alarm in the morning, and we were not late. That's when I really understood a sentence, no one in this world is indispensable, they can do it, I am just self-righteous and think that I am important. Everyone else does it. In fact, I don't like this sentence very much. I am not someone else. If I throw away what I insist on and do it just because everyone else does it, I will still be me. Of course, when I write this, I am not saying that they are not good. On the contrary, they are very good. They just have different attitudes towards life. When I was about to graduate, the university once again taught me a lesson: love is never as good as interest. As a saying goes, loyalty is only because the exchange chips are not enough. Their relationship of many years was cut off because of money matters. Because I felt offended, I used unfair means to find evidence. Without providing conclusive evidence, we spread the word, and both sides argued their own opinions. The biggest mistake I made was to get involved without the ability to distinguish right from wrong. I bore the price of doing something wrong, but both parties didn't take it to heart at all, and my heart couldn't help but become dark. Why, why did I feel bad about their things, but they just said it was over. I hid my psychological problems very well. On the outside, I still looked the same, but in fact I was very unhappy. I didn't suffer from insomnia before, but since that time, I couldn't sleep normally at night. I couldn't keep my phone too far away from me, and I also had symptoms of anxiety. This is still the case. Sometimes I really want to quarrel with them, but I know that quarreling will not solve the problem, so I force myself to endure this thought. Others say don't worry about them, why do you worry about them. I don't know that after the feeling is exhausted, it will lead to hatred. I don't want to go any further and force myself to treat her as an ordinary classmate, an ordinary person, a stranger, alienated and polite, just like a stranger.

I welcome death because it brings me relief. At the same time, I am also afraid of it. I only want it to come to me instead of next to me. I'm not afraid of being forgotten, I'm just afraid that I'll forget the love and past touching feelings from those people who are extremely important to me. If death comes to me I welcome it.

... Why I never see negative scores Click [Score]... There are always only [2 points] [1 point] [0 points]... Is JJ smoking...?

I was very touched after reading your collection of essays. Thanks.

Ci'er's literary skills should be very high, right?