Su Xiaoman, daughter of the "Poison Doctor," is an orphan whose family was wiped out by the righteous sects of the martial world.
All she wanted was to stay quietly in the stone chamber, keeping company with those poisons. But she never expected to be swept into a devastating tragedy, with no choice in the matter.
After reading the article, let me tell you my thoughts. Your article belongs to the martial arts line, similar to Gu Long's writing style, but not sophisticated enough. The biggest flaw is that your copywriting does not feel attractive enough. It has a feeling of being high-minded and repellent. Today's readers are looking for sensory stimulation and refreshing. I hope it can be improved in the next article.
The author's writing style is great, and the content summary is also very good.
A few days ago, a girl came to submit an article, and the review has been published on BS. Please go and get the review.
□//Bbs. Jjwxc. Net/showmsg. Php? Board=17&id=261596
LZ from Vasu BS, thanks in advance to GN for submitting the article~ Read the full article and share my thoughts. In general, the whole story is filled with sadness from beginning to end. The theme of the story is White Poppy, which is not only a description of Miss Bai, but also the ending chosen by the male protagonist. It can also be seen as Su Xiaoman's temporary forgetfulness of the past when the male protagonist saved her, which makes people feel endless aftertaste.
It's just that the protagonist and plot arrangement are a bit confusing. The story is narrated from Su Xiaoman's perspective. Logically speaking, she is the heroine in the story, but in this emotional scene, she is only an inconspicuous supporting role from beginning to end. It is not even known whether she has romantic feelings for the male protagonist. This makes people a little unclear whether the author GN only wants to tell the story of the other two people through Su Xiaoman, or does he want to tell Su Xiaoman's own story? If it's the former, it seems that it can also be accomplished from Miss Bai's perspective. Perhaps GN has its own opinions on this, but this way of expression is not mainstream. It is recommended to give Su Xiaoman more emotional scenes with the male protagonist. This can also enhance the tragic effect of the story and allow readers to guess whether it is Miss Bai or Su Xiaoman that the male protagonist wants to forget in the end. In short, keep working hard GN, I believe you will write better and better!
The copywriting is very attractive, but the bold gray text looks a bit hard on the eyes.
The first chapter is a regular narrative style, briefly explaining the heroine's life experience, and describing the relationship between her and her sister Bai Aoshan (a life-saving grace). The first two chapters are used as a foreshadowing for the intersection of two parallel lines with the male protagonist, and also pave the way for the sadistic love in the following chapters (this is almost foreseeable).
It is this "almost predictable" that makes me feel that the ending of the article was within my expectations. If there are any shortcomings, this is one of them.
In fact, for a short story, the pace of this article is very fast. I really like the author's writing style. It is very eye-catching and the writing is clean and there is no redundant language. But obviously, the climax is not enough, and it is more than bland. Although the style of the article makes me feel a little sad when reading it, it does not allow me as a reader to have emotional ups and downs at the appropriate time. There is no joy, sorrow, or surprise. Even after seeing the ending, I did not feel the least bit surprised by this article. I think this is probably because when the author was writing this article, he may have been limited by the number of words, etc., But only followed the progress of the plot, and did not pay attention to carefully portraying the characters in the novel. He only gave them a character trait that seemed to be prominent but was actually general. This is very inappropriate. It makes the characters look fleshless, so it is not enjoyable to read the article.
Spread flowers~The column is very beautiful
Hello, I am Liuchen, the reviewer of BS.
Because of my carelessness and failure to double-check, I missed the girl's letter when the building was closed and mistakenly thought it would not be accepted.
I apologize here and accept the message.
Bow and say sorry again.
First of all, the cover of the girl is good, it has a desolate feeling.
Secondly, although the copy is very short, the content is well introduced, including the background and brief story of the heroine. However, I suggest that you add some specific content about the plot. If the cuteness is clear, it will be very convenient for readers to read. In addition, the flower language of the white poppy is explained very well, allowing readers to judge the tone immediately, thumbs up.
However, Qiye wants to say something here. I don't know if it is a computer problem. The music playback on the girl's copy is not smooth. If you have time, I suggest you check it. Except for the first few sounds of the zither, you can't hear it.
After reading it in one breath, Qiye really has nothing to say. The girl's writing style is already very smooth, and both the choice of words and sentences and the rendering of the environment and the psychology of the characters are also very good. As a short story, it is a good success to be able to tell the story clearly and fully portray the main characters.
However, Qiye has some suggestions about the plot that the girl can take a look at. First, Su Xiaoman was rescued by Qin Qingheng when she was young. It can be understood that the girl wanted to leave a foreshadowing for Su Xiaoman's release and fulfillment in the end. However, Qin Qingheng's absolute justice of "saving the innocent" caused Qiye to question. If he could let the innocent Su Xiaoman go, why couldn't he let go of Bai Aoshan, who was still equally innocent when she met him a few years later?
Also, since the people they rescued were adopted by the Bahuang League, it means that Canyue Tower and the Bahuang League had some dealings at that time. Later, the reason why the Bahuang League became the public enemy of the martial arts was somewhat incomplete. After all, girl, what you explained at the beginning was that it was an organization that was both good and evil, and was not a very strict organization. In this case, it suddenly became boycotted by the whole Wulin, which always felt a bit abrupt.
In addition to these, Su Xiaoman is a bit of a passerby in this. How can I put it, although the story mainly focuses on Bai Aoshan and Qin Qingheng, Su Xiaoman is obviously a bit weak as a character who strings together the whole story. Is it possible to add something about the character itself, not just revolving around the two characters? Or add more plots among the three of them. After all, the best thing about the novel is the conflict and climax. All the main characters in one scene are far more beautiful than the recording from the third perspective alone.
The above are just some of Qiye's personal suggestions. If the girl thinks it makes sense, just take a look~ Of course, the girl's own settings are quite good~ Please keep working hard!
Finally, I wish the girl to write better as she writes.
——BY [12 Years Unmarked Long Commentary Shop] Qiye
The article seems to focus on Su Xiaoman, but the whole article doesn't seem to be about her. I'm a little confused?
However, the writing is very good, and the emotional and psychological descriptions are well grasped.
What a tragedy... ┭┮┭┮Xiaoman is very good at making soy sauce.
After reading the article, let me tell you my thoughts. Your article belongs to the martial arts line, similar to Gu Long's writing style, but not sophisticated enough. The biggest flaw is that your copywriting does not feel attractive enough. It has a feeling of being high-minded and repellent. Today's readers are looking for sensory stimulation and refreshing. I hope it can be improved in the next article.
The author's writing style is great, and the content summary is also very good.
A few days ago, a girl came to submit an article, and the review has been published on BS. Please go and get the review. □//Bbs. Jjwxc. Net/showmsg. Php? Board=17&id=261596
LZ from Vasu BS, thanks in advance to GN for submitting the article~ Read the full article and share my thoughts. In general, the whole story is filled with sadness from beginning to end. The theme of the story is White Poppy, which is not only a description of Miss Bai, but also the ending chosen by the male protagonist. It can also be seen as Su Xiaoman's temporary forgetfulness of the past when the male protagonist saved her, which makes people feel endless aftertaste. It's just that the protagonist and plot arrangement are a bit confusing. The story is narrated from Su Xiaoman's perspective. Logically speaking, she is the heroine in the story, but in this emotional scene, she is only an inconspicuous supporting role from beginning to end. It is not even known whether she has romantic feelings for the male protagonist. This makes people a little unclear whether the author GN only wants to tell the story of the other two people through Su Xiaoman, or does he want to tell Su Xiaoman's own story? If it's the former, it seems that it can also be accomplished from Miss Bai's perspective. Perhaps GN has its own opinions on this, but this way of expression is not mainstream. It is recommended to give Su Xiaoman more emotional scenes with the male protagonist. This can also enhance the tragic effect of the story and allow readers to guess whether it is Miss Bai or Su Xiaoman that the male protagonist wants to forget in the end. In short, keep working hard GN, I believe you will write better and better!
The copywriting is very attractive, but the bold gray text looks a bit hard on the eyes. The first chapter is a regular narrative style, briefly explaining the heroine's life experience, and describing the relationship between her and her sister Bai Aoshan (a life-saving grace). The first two chapters are used as a foreshadowing for the intersection of two parallel lines with the male protagonist, and also pave the way for the sadistic love in the following chapters (this is almost foreseeable). It is this "almost predictable" that makes me feel that the ending of the article was within my expectations. If there are any shortcomings, this is one of them. In fact, for a short story, the pace of this article is very fast. I really like the author's writing style. It is very eye-catching and the writing is clean and there is no redundant language. But obviously, the climax is not enough, and it is more than bland. Although the style of the article makes me feel a little sad when reading it, it does not allow me as a reader to have emotional ups and downs at the appropriate time. There is no joy, sorrow, or surprise. Even after seeing the ending, I did not feel the least bit surprised by this article. I think this is probably because when the author was writing this article, he may have been limited by the number of words, etc., But only followed the progress of the plot, and did not pay attention to carefully portraying the characters in the novel. He only gave them a character trait that seemed to be prominent but was actually general. This is very inappropriate. It makes the characters look fleshless, so it is not enjoyable to read the article.
Spread flowers~The column is very beautiful
Hello, I am Liuchen, the reviewer of BS. Because of my carelessness and failure to double-check, I missed the girl's letter when the building was closed and mistakenly thought it would not be accepted. I apologize here and accept the message. Bow and say sorry again.
First of all, the cover of the girl is good, it has a desolate feeling. Secondly, although the copy is very short, the content is well introduced, including the background and brief story of the heroine. However, I suggest that you add some specific content about the plot. If the cuteness is clear, it will be very convenient for readers to read. In addition, the flower language of the white poppy is explained very well, allowing readers to judge the tone immediately, thumbs up. However, Qiye wants to say something here. I don't know if it is a computer problem. The music playback on the girl's copy is not smooth. If you have time, I suggest you check it. Except for the first few sounds of the zither, you can't hear it. After reading it in one breath, Qiye really has nothing to say. The girl's writing style is already very smooth, and both the choice of words and sentences and the rendering of the environment and the psychology of the characters are also very good. As a short story, it is a good success to be able to tell the story clearly and fully portray the main characters. However, Qiye has some suggestions about the plot that the girl can take a look at. First, Su Xiaoman was rescued by Qin Qingheng when she was young. It can be understood that the girl wanted to leave a foreshadowing for Su Xiaoman's release and fulfillment in the end. However, Qin Qingheng's absolute justice of "saving the innocent" caused Qiye to question. If he could let the innocent Su Xiaoman go, why couldn't he let go of Bai Aoshan, who was still equally innocent when she met him a few years later? Also, since the people they rescued were adopted by the Bahuang League, it means that Canyue Tower and the Bahuang League had some dealings at that time. Later, the reason why the Bahuang League became the public enemy of the martial arts was somewhat incomplete. After all, girl, what you explained at the beginning was that it was an organization that was both good and evil, and was not a very strict organization. In this case, it suddenly became boycotted by the whole Wulin, which always felt a bit abrupt. In addition to these, Su Xiaoman is a bit of a passerby in this. How can I put it, although the story mainly focuses on Bai Aoshan and Qin Qingheng, Su Xiaoman is obviously a bit weak as a character who strings together the whole story. Is it possible to add something about the character itself, not just revolving around the two characters? Or add more plots among the three of them. After all, the best thing about the novel is the conflict and climax. All the main characters in one scene are far more beautiful than the recording from the third perspective alone. The above are just some of Qiye's personal suggestions. If the girl thinks it makes sense, just take a look~ Of course, the girl's own settings are quite good~ Please keep working hard! Finally, I wish the girl to write better as she writes. ——BY [12 Years Unmarked Long Commentary Shop] Qiye
The article seems to focus on Su Xiaoman, but the whole article doesn't seem to be about her. I'm a little confused? However, the writing is very good, and the emotional and psychological descriptions are well grasped.
What a tragedy... ┭┮┭┮Xiaoman is very good at making soy sauce.