It was nothing but his beautiful dream,
landing on the sword she had thrust into his body,
then shattered by its keen edge,
scattered, annihilated, swallowed by the earth.
He looked at her one last time,
his eyes black as blood.
An instant became eternity.
[The chapters in this story alternate between timelines. Did you notice? Feel free to read them out of order!]
The heroine is no naive innocent.
She's not chaste.
Leave a comment when you're done, please!!!
Theme:
Read the article and spread the flowers. The girl's writing is good, but the story development is a bit slow. Come on!
The first three or four paragraphs of this article are the same as the first article, which is okay.
The author's consistent problem is that the description is repetitive, and there is too much repetition. The solution is to delete it, read it once after writing it, and resolutely delete the same content a third time in a different way. Anyway, one chapter has more than 4,000 words, and the number of words reduced to more than 3,000 is exactly the optimal number.
For example:
At noon, the scorching sun, the fire, burning with hope, the fire is burning, the scorching sun...
I am exhausted, I have no food and water, I haven't had any water for two days, and I have no water or food...
I was lost for six days, in the vast sea of sand, in the vast desert, nothing but sand was sand. I completely lost my direction and got lost in the desert...
By the way, the passage from "Only Three Living Things" to "Hearts Weakened" was well written, and I think it is the best in this section.
The second problem lies in long narrative psychological descriptions. Of course, when a normal person is thinking, his thoughts will wander here and there, and he will focus on the outcome of the event and his own behavior rather than everything around him. However, the work is not a copy of life, otherwise people in the TV series will talk a lot of "then", "that" and other nonsense.
When normal people recall, they may not recall the scene vividly. However, the memories in the article are to explain the previous stories. For example, Shen recalled his arrows, the melee with soldiers and the storm. Adding the description here will help brighten the article.
When beginning to recall this period of switching perspectives, the author first switched to God's perspective, then to Shen's perspective, then to God's perspective, and then to clock perspective, which seemed confusing. It would be better to use the clock perspective to describe all God's perspectives, which would be more concise.
The long debate between the two protagonists in the first chapter is a bit unattractive, and the content of the debate is also common, and if I don't read the arguments, I don't think I can distinguish the tone of the two sides of the debate. Would a scholar and a general speak in such a similar way?
In the second chapter, we first talk about the heroine getting the baggage in one go, then the hero dodges, and finally gives it to her. First, it is not in chronological order (there is no other order here); second, since we want to write about dodge and whet our appetite, a straightforward narrative like "I gave it to her in the end" is a waste. It is better to write about how the heroine jumped (or similar actions) and got the baggage after going back and forth several times. There is also a colloquial "look carefully" at the end.
As mentioned in other people's comments on the previous article, there are too many narratives and psychological narrations (actually it is a kind of complaint, rather than an advancement of the article, not to mention that this complaint is not an eye-catching witty joke), and there is too little dialogue (actually a rivalry). This article remains the same.
These points in writing are not difficult to improve. Come on!
It's very well written. It's really not easy for JJ to click now.
I thought the rotten smell was quite strong at the beginning, but the turn turned out to be a bit abrupt. When I received the article, I said that I didn't dare to read the word "heroine", but I saw the word "heroine" in the tag, so I read a chapter and quietly slipped away...
The article is long enough to read
Collect first, I like the author's first chapter.
But the copywriting... Can reveal a little bit about the plot (Okay! I also know that copywriting is difficult to write)
Wenwen has been received
Let me spread some flowers! O(∩_∩)O~
Read the article and spread the flowers. The girl's writing is good, but the story development is a bit slow. Come on!
The first three or four paragraphs of this article are the same as the first article, which is okay. The author's consistent problem is that the description is repetitive, and there is too much repetition. The solution is to delete it, read it once after writing it, and resolutely delete the same content a third time in a different way. Anyway, one chapter has more than 4,000 words, and the number of words reduced to more than 3,000 is exactly the optimal number. For example: At noon, the scorching sun, the fire, burning with hope, the fire is burning, the scorching sun... I am exhausted, I have no food and water, I haven't had any water for two days, and I have no water or food... I was lost for six days, in the vast sea of sand, in the vast desert, nothing but sand was sand. I completely lost my direction and got lost in the desert... By the way, the passage from "Only Three Living Things" to "Hearts Weakened" was well written, and I think it is the best in this section. The second problem lies in long narrative psychological descriptions. Of course, when a normal person is thinking, his thoughts will wander here and there, and he will focus on the outcome of the event and his own behavior rather than everything around him. However, the work is not a copy of life, otherwise people in the TV series will talk a lot of "then", "that" and other nonsense. When normal people recall, they may not recall the scene vividly. However, the memories in the article are to explain the previous stories. For example, Shen recalled his arrows, the melee with soldiers and the storm. Adding the description here will help brighten the article. When beginning to recall this period of switching perspectives, the author first switched to God's perspective, then to Shen's perspective, then to God's perspective, and then to clock perspective, which seemed confusing. It would be better to use the clock perspective to describe all God's perspectives, which would be more concise. The long debate between the two protagonists in the first chapter is a bit unattractive, and the content of the debate is also common, and if I don't read the arguments, I don't think I can distinguish the tone of the two sides of the debate. Would a scholar and a general speak in such a similar way? In the second chapter, we first talk about the heroine getting the baggage in one go, then the hero dodges, and finally gives it to her. First, it is not in chronological order (there is no other order here); second, since we want to write about dodge and whet our appetite, a straightforward narrative like "I gave it to her in the end" is a waste. It is better to write about how the heroine jumped (or similar actions) and got the baggage after going back and forth several times. There is also a colloquial "look carefully" at the end. As mentioned in other people's comments on the previous article, there are too many narratives and psychological narrations (actually it is a kind of complaint, rather than an advancement of the article, not to mention that this complaint is not an eye-catching witty joke), and there is too little dialogue (actually a rivalry). This article remains the same. These points in writing are not difficult to improve. Come on!
It's very well written. It's really not easy for JJ to click now.
I thought the rotten smell was quite strong at the beginning, but the turn turned out to be a bit abrupt. When I received the article, I said that I didn't dare to read the word "heroine", but I saw the word "heroine" in the tag, so I read a chapter and quietly slipped away...
The article is long enough to read
Collect first, I like the author's first chapter. But the copywriting... Can reveal a little bit about the plot (Okay! I also know that copywriting is difficult to write)
Wenwen has been received Let me spread some flowers! O(∩_∩)O~