A Parasol Tree Perched in the Night

For readers who read ten lines at a time, they don't have time to savor the story. It's too slow to enter the plot. If you can't find the protagonist, you won't like it.

You have finally filled in the pit, and the tangled relationship is finally happily engaging~~ Although I had expected this, it feels more comfortable to see your words written out! I won't squat in the next pit. I'll wait until you finish filling it out. However, it is still necessary to leave a message when you have time.

This is a comment from BS Well, I don't think I need to say too much about this article, because there are already two long comments below the article, and all the shortcomings of the entire article are in it. I will only mention a few trivial things. 1 Copywriting: This depends on the readers' own opinions. The copywriting and writing style of this article are quite acceptable for a place like JJ. It can be seen that the author wants to create an atmospheric and ancient artistic conception for readers, which should be able to hit some readers. Let me give you a little suggestion: replacing the exclamation point with a period can often make it appear more profound. 2. Writing style: I said it was passable, and I can tell that the author has read a lot of books, and his writing skills are pretty solid, but only solid. There is nothing in the main text that catches my eye or attracts me to read on. It is not as resonant as the preface. 3. Character name: The name also needs to be of quality. I mentioned in a review earlier that some novels name characters just to make them look good. You can take this as an example. The character's name is an unfamiliar word, which makes it uncomfortable to read, hard to remember, and difficult to create a sense of intimacy, let alone allow readers to get involved and figure out the joy, anger, sorrow, and joy of this character. To sum up, I think this author still needs to grow up.

This is very long and not bad. Mark it and I will read it tonight. Cheers, author.

Sister, please update the article. It's so painful to wait.

I think it's pretty cool. I check every day to see if there are any updates. Please update soon.

When will it be updated again?

This article roughly tells the story of the heroine, who is weak and sick due to being bullied since she was a child. She disguises herself as a man and searches for a medicine to help herself, as well as a series of entanglements that occur during the search for the medicine. After reading the whole article, the text of this article is smooth, and the environment description, character creation and other aspects are handled well. After all, this is not the first time I have written an article. It only takes a few chapters to show the author's skills. The author mentioned the article a bit coldly in the special instructions when submitting the article, but Yangyang found that the author's previous article had considerable data, so why was there such a big gap? Out of curiosity, Yangyang read the full text carefully and summarized the following shortcomings. First, you can't see the mountain when you open the door. The opening chapter shares five scenes - the man in black and the man in blue compete for the wooden box, the conflict between Yue Ying and the woman in green asking for directions, Yue Ying and his party settling in Xuzhou, the conversation between the man in purple and the man in black, and the conflict between the woman in green and Yue Ying again at the Xuzhou inn. Most of them are side descriptions, and almost no positive aspects of the protagonist are given. Although this helps to maintain a sense of mystery, readers always like the protagonist even more. Moreover, the author uses too many scene changes, which is not to say that this is bad. If it can be used freely, it can enhance the visual sense of the story, but it is obvious that the author is still lacking in word control. There is no obvious connection between scenes and they are all dealt with in blank lines, which makes people feel confused when reading it at first. A novel is different from a script. The latter only needs to explain the time, place, characters, and events, and the main text is dialogue, and the scenes do not need to be too closely connected; but the former is completely different. The second is to overshadow the guest and usurp the host. The author's use of a third-person perspective could have captured the whole story while leaving the reader in suspense. But the author seems to have spent too much time on the supporting characters. A breakdown of the supporting characters who appear more often in the article is as follows: Yueying - the heroine's follower and one of the members of Qiwu Pavilion; Yu Yanhuan—a great disciple of the Tianshan Sect and a member of the Qiwu Pavilion; Shen Yan - Shangguan Wanling's other identity, one of the members of Qiwu Pavilion; Jinghun—the heroine's follower and one of the members of Qiwu Pavilion; Lan Chenhao - the young owner of Yiyun Villa, who cares about Shangguan Wanling, but accidentally wants to marry Shangguan Wanqing; Fan Luotai—the daughter of the leader of the Tianshan Sect But judging from the author's copywriting, the names of these characters do not appear after the protagonist, and they are not even considered supporting characters. However, the author spent a lot of pen and ink describing these characters who are not considered supporting characters. There are actually more candidates for the male lead than Qi Mohen and Yun Ao, causing the article to almost lose the main line. The structure of martial arts novels is generally large and often difficult to grasp. However, the characters that need to be outstanding in this article are all in the dark line, and the bright lines are all secondary characters that the readers do not care about. This puts the readers in a confusing situation and cannot figure out the main line of the article. This directly leads to the fact that after reading the article, they do not understand what the article is about. Third, it is not appropriate to wear light makeup or heavy makeup. As a romance novel, feelings naturally take up the majority part. Let's take a look at the heroine's feelings: He met Qi Mohen, the heroine, because she was rescuing people. Later, Qi Mohen pretended to have something to do and left, but she silently followed and protected her all the way. Then he went deep into Yan Lin, broke into Tianshui Pavilion alone, drank poisonous wine and fought for his life for the heroine, and even fought for the heroine against his adoptive father who had been kind to him since he was a child. From this point of view, there is no doubt that the male protagonist has feelings for the female protagonist, but such a profound relationship only came from a one-time relationship (let's treat this as love at first sight for the time being). However, when the male and female protagonists meet for the first time, the female protagonist disguises herself as a man, almost to the point of pretending to be real, and the male protagonist does not show any signs of seeing it, so this kind of relationship seems unreasonable. With Yun Ao - he got to know the heroine after listening to Xun music. Since then, Yun Ao has been following the heroine, risking his life and death for her. Finally, because he knew the tragic life experience of the heroine, he wanted to make contributions and create a beautiful environment for the heroine. Similarly, just because of listening to Xun music, one develops a crush on the heroine who is disguised as a man, and would fight to the death for her. Even with the halo of the heroine, such feelings feel unreasonable. Moreover, the emotions in this article are too slow to develop. At the 38th chapter and 136,222 words in the article, there is no obvious intersection between the feelings of the male and female protagonists. Instead, the feelings of the supporting actor Shen Yan are throughout the entire article. In general, the main problems of this article are that the characters are not prioritized, the emotions are slow and unreasonable, and the first chapter is confusing. The biggest problem is that the characters are not prioritized. In fact, the role of the supporting actor is to set off the protagonist and provide full light and dark lines, but it cannot overwhelm the protagonist. As philosophy says, too much is too little, and it is not wise to describe too many supporting characters and not enough about the protagonist. Moderation and just the right amount are the way to go. Of course, the author's story is still worthy of recognition. If it can avoid the "excesses" and make up for the "insufficiencies", I believe it will be better than the previous one. PS: The above is just my personal opinion, please forgive me if I am biased. Also, I personally like female protagonists who dress up as men.

Warm reminder: The comments on this article have been published, please GN, the author, move to BS to receive comments. This tip is given 2 points so that the author can delete it by himself.

Sister, are you there? Just reply to my message now