[Prince of Tennis] The Head Teacher

Ah//////////// Flying /////////////So happy/////////////Falled down big time

When was the last time I came to see you? When I looked at it this time, it turned out to be completely different, but my writing skills have improved, dear.

Jiu'er... Are you willing to whip the corpse? Hee hee~~~~~~What's going on? Tell my sister

You are fortunate enough to have a hard time cultivating. . . . And where did the cover go? Come on. . . . . . Sixty thousand words, you are crazy

Wouldn't they generally be more concerned about why Guoguang went to the hospital?

Since there are a lot of GNs asking for luck recently, Taohuajiang Children's Shoes has flown to the three-dimensional world, and there is no time and energy to return to the two-dimensional world to comment, so Lemon Children's Shoes can only take over on his behalf. Although the Vampire Knight + Internet King comprehensive comic BL article I reviewed on Xiaocha was written a few months ago, I still have some impressions of it, so in the process of this review, I will inevitably make some comparisons with the previous ones. When I saw the title, Lemon was thinking that the male protagonist would be Atobe, but in the end, ahem, I still respect Atobe. No wonder, in the world of Internet kings, the only family with a chief teacher is probably this young master. It is not difficult to determine the male protagonist from the title. It also implies the opportunity and occasion where the protagonists met, and can even be associated with the general background of the development of the article. Although it may lack some cute elements, this title is still very good in terms of attracting readers' attention. After reading the title, let's talk about the copywriting. I still remember that when I first collected that manga, Lemon was filled with sadness when faced with the copy that couldn't be scrolled to the end with the mouse. Although the copywriting of this Internet King has changed a lot from before, when seeing the three dark pictures besides the cover, Lemon still rolled his eyes in a very ungrateful way. Xiao Cha Tong Shoes, this is writing an article, not drawing pictures. Posting so many pictures is very dizzying! Moreover, Xiaojiu's articles don't even have □, so there is no advertising space on the list, so there is no need to post advertising banners. In addition, regarding the principle of writing, Lemon feels that if Xiaocha is really willing to mark it, he can use other color fonts to warn, and there is no need to post a picture. At least when Lemon saw this, he only noticed the black color of the picture and didn't pay attention to the words in the picture at all. I once thought that the picture of "writing principles" was the link to Xiaocha's scarf homepage. Xiaocha still likes to post pictures as always, and then thanks everyone for their GN, but Lemon feels that a cover and a column are enough. What really attracts readers is the article, not the picture. There are a few details in the first three chapters, and Lemon would like to comment a little bit. First of all, there are incorrect punctuation marks and words in the article, which can easily cause readers to misunderstand the meaning of the article. Xiaocha is advised to carefully catch bugs again (in fact, there are bugs in the article later). The second is the flaw in semantic expression. ["It is brewed from the finest cherry blossom petals." Lunzi also held up the tea cup and took a sip. "It is just Lunzi's humble work. I really dare not receive such praise from Canghe."] This sentence is written by Lunzi to express his gratitude and humility to Baichuan for his praise. Although there is nothing wrong with the meaning, the expression makes people feel very awkward. There are two reasons for this. One is that before Renzi said this sentence, Baichuan did not explain the steps and selection of tea brewing, so the first half of Renzi's sentence seemed very abrupt, and I don't know where she came from. Another point is the second half of the sentence. Although there are no problems with the sentence structure and word matching, most people don't seem to say it this way. MS A normal person should first thank the other person for the compliment and say "Thank you for the compliment", and then say something self-effacing like "I'm not good at my skills, but I make XX laugh". It may be that Xiaocha lacks understanding of this aspect, so the sentences he writes are a bit jerky. In addition, the wording in some places seems a bit redundant, and the logical structure of the sentences is somewhat inappropriate. For example [Swinging with himself... Even the weight of the racket always brings him down. This sentence has no subject, and the words "without giving up" and "tenaciously" are repeated. Finally, the logic is vague. Xiaocha actually wanted to emphasize a certain gentleman's dedication to tennis. The Chinese habit is to put the emphasized part last. Therefore, a more fluent way of saying the whole sentence would be [The young man - waving... With a determined look in his eyes. Although the weight of the racket always brought him down and his whole body was already bruised, he was still swinging the ball tenaciously. Others, such as "being a little frightened by Cang He's aura that suddenly turned on" was changed to "being frightened by Cang He's aura that suddenly turned on", [Lunzi thought a little stiffly] There are many, many such problems in the following text, so Lemon will not go into details one by one. Generally speaking, there are more or less problems with word matching, sentence structure, and logical order. It would be fine if Xiao Cha is not an indigenous resident of the mainland, otherwise Zun Di Su should focus on Chinese. As for the plot at the beginning, Lemon felt that the content was a bit messy and involved too many characters, and most of them were the author's own characters, so it was a bit confusing to read. After reviewing the title, copywriting, and opening, let's talk about the main text. Although it can be seen that Xiaocha is working hard to improve his writing skills, some problems are still the same as the previous article, and there is basically no improvement. The most obvious thing is the handling of details. Xiaocha has described almost every expandable detail in detail. Everything mentioned is described without exception, from name to brand to features, and Du Niang can be seen in most of the content. Therefore, it is easy for people to feel bored. At the same time, due to the extreme detail of the article, it is also difficult to grasp the main body of the article and wonder what the main plot is. Lemon feels that it is not a bad thing to dig into the details, but not refining every detail in detail like this has actually become the failure of the article. According to Lemon's analysis, most of the detailed descriptions in the article actually have no effect on the plot or characters, and can be seen as a compulsive descriptive behavior by the author. What's more, many details are not what the author is really good at, but require time-consuming and laborious online search for information. As a result, Du Niang's stuff was pieced together, making the article even more nondescript—neither a novel nor a popular science material. Moreover, this complicated description of details also led to the procrastination of the plot. The author uses a lot of pen and ink to describe the details, so he will naturally ignore the substantive plot content. An article like this that uses details to pile up the plot is like toilet paper. It looks like there is a lot of it, but in fact there is not much at all. In addition, because even the characterization of the characters follows this description technique, large sections of detailed descriptions are piled into one section, which looks gorgeous, but actually makes the character image particularly weak and weak. To portray a character is not just about describing the appearance and detailing the clothes, but more importantly, the character's soul, or personality. These cannot be displayed using words, but need to be displayed through specific plots and stories. Speaking of characters, Lemon couldn't help but want to complain. Now the article has 6+W words, and there are too many self-created characters. It is precisely because of the excessive number of self-created characters and such pale descriptions that each character is very dry, with nothing but a gorgeous or handsome skin. Finally, as for the plot, after reading the current chapter, Lemon felt like he was watching a fashion show - each character was dressed in various costumes, carrying exquisite and connotative items, and spun around in front of his eyes. There was very little substantive content that the author really needed to spend time constructing. Making the plot full is not accomplished by piling up detailed descriptions, but requires plot content with practical significance. As the plot slowly unfolds and many princes begin to emerge, the structure of the article begins to loosen. The author describes every detail in detail, so that the article becomes fragmented in a very unpretentious manner, broken into small fragments and pieced together in one chapter. Personally, I feel that this article was probably written by Xiaocha himself for the benefit of a few people, rather than for the majority of readers. After all, it is the plot of the novel that attracts and retains readers, not the gorgeous and exquisite details and character appearances. Xiaocha seems to still have some misunderstandings about the nature of the novel, so she went to great lengths to collect things that she was not familiar with in order to hope that the article would be brilliant. However, it was a thankless effort. Not only did it make people feel tired of reading, but it also turned the article into an embroidered pillow with nothing but appearance. The above is Lemon's comment on this article. It may be a bit harsh, so please forgive Xiaocha GN. If there is anything inappropriate in the comments, please Xiaocha don't point it out carelessly. Let's discuss it together and make progress together. Lure lemon July 20, 2011

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