Help! I’m a Hungry Hunk, Not a Tragic Heartthrob

Ayase Chinatsu was an utterly ordinary pretty girl.

No, an utterly ordinary pretty girl who was already dead.

She closed her eyes, opened them again, and found herself on a street in Yokohama, facing a rabbit with a bizarre art style that called itself the "Don't Starve Roleplay System."

"Young lady, put on a secret identity and play a Don't Starve character! Show off your talents to your heart's content in another world!"

Ayase Chinatsu: "...Bring me back to life first, then we'll talk."

"That'll cost extra."

And so...

Yokohama, a city already teeming with freaks, welcomed the Fourth Calamity destined to descend upon it.

Wendy, a little girl with blonde hair and white eyes who looked as fragile as a flower.

She crouched in a graveyard, digging up graves with a single perfect shovel stroke each time, while ghosts floated along behind her.

"Big sis, wait for me! I've found another way for us to reunite!"

"Pfft! Cough, cough, cough!!"

She dove headfirst into the river, breaking the rib of the bandaged weirdo in the water for the nth time.

The bandaged weirdo: "Why is it you again? Wendy! Stop obsessing over my Complete Manual of Suicide. I'm not giving it to you!"

Wendy, in a low, haunting voice: "I'll be watching you forever and ever... forever and ever..."

Willow, a pretty girl with black twin-tails and high heels... a pretty girl who was also an arsonist.

She held a lighter, laughed with her hands on her hips, and stood before a special fire that stretched across the entire harbor and could not be put out.

"Burn, burn, burn! Hahahaha!! Tell me, what's lighter than anything else?"

"What's lighter than anything else?"

"Lighter than a lighter? Lighter than a teddy bear?"

"Your assets! Once they're all burned up, you'll have nothing left. Isn't that light?"

The entire Port Mafia: "...Quick! Someone get Executive Nakahara!!"

The red-haired young man arrived at the scene and took a deep breath as he looked at the cargo ship blazing away.

"Willow, the cargo on this ship is worth thirty million dollars!"

Willow whistled. "Gezz! I was burning that pile of junk over there. It's worthless."

"Do you think I'm blind?"

There was also a little red demon.

In the dungeon, he politely took off his hat and waved it at the terrified prisoners.

"Oh, look at this place. There seem to be endless sources of fun! I love fun!"

The prisoner collapsed on the spot.

With a smile, he took a beating heart out of his hat.

Sakaguchi Ango stood outside the dungeon, looking down at the report in his hands and trying to convince himself.

"It's just a necessary sacrifice..."

"Mr. Ango," the little demon said, poking his head through the door, "what did you say was going to be sacrificed?"

"Nothing."

"Oh. So is the one to be sacrificed the person on the left or the one on the right? Tell me and I'll kill one and throw in another for free."

Ango: "..."

"Just kidding. I don't know either of them."

More and more strange people began to appear.

The people of Yokohama realized that these bizarre, monstrous beings who appeared and vanished without a trace seemed to be connected to one another by countless invisible threads.

Gods. Monsters. The moon. Shadows.

A name began circulating in the dark: the "Survivors' Alliance."

"Did you hear? Willow, the one setting things on fire, seems to know Wendy."

"What? Wendy and that robot are in cahoots?"

"What??? That robot and the little demon are in cahoots???"

"What???? They're all members of the Survivors' Alliance????"

In the shadows, Ayase Chinatsu raced frantically between different sets, patching things up all night in an attempt to make all the lies fit together.

"Wait, did I just dig myself into a hole?"

System: "You sure did, Host."

"So what do I do?"

"Keep digging. As long as the hole is big enough, you can bury everyone in it."

Ayase Chinatsu: ...

Not funny.jpg

Patching things up is exhausting!

Please, stop making things up in your heads!

No one reveals their true identity in this story. It's pure wish fulfillment, with the protagonist at the center of everything.

The game mechanics serve the story. You can read this without having played Don't Starve, and fans of the game will find it effortless to follow.

The romance is a big stew: eat whatever you like. Even a love triangle between the protagonist, a Mandrake, and a Shadow Weaver is totally fine (what).

A blanket apology for everything: If you think something's wrong, you're right. I'll apologize first. I'm sorry, so very sorry, for accidentally giving you a bad reading experience. Please forgive me, though it's also okay if you don't.

Last but not least.

Don't Starve, start!

Core message: Never bow to hardship