When Xu Jiayi was sixteen, she dropped out of school.
She turned the scars on her arm into a tattoo of a Hello Kitty with no mouth.
Later, she met many men.
Lin Zebin tattooed his name onto her skin, then bragged about her as a trophy at drinking parties.
Zhou Qihao stood beneath the convenience store's harsh white lights and asked her, "Are you still here?"
Jiang Yiye's music briefly brought her back into her own body.
Qiu Shiming gave her porridge, medicine, a clean room, and rules, as well as the kind of control that most resembled love.
She thought she had finally found somewhere to stay.
Until, after eye surgery, she could see the old panda she'd kept for so many years: Abo.
Someone had replaced its left eye.
In that moment, Xu Jiayi understood:
There was a scar beneath Hello Kitty.
A name beneath the crane.
And there might be surveillance beneath love, too.
---Reader Advisory---
This is literary fiction with intense emotional content. Please read within your limits! Please read within your limits! Please read within your limits!
1. A realistic story about a woman's growth. It is not a sweet romance, a wish-fulfillment story, or a traditional salvation narrative, but it does have a happy ending.
2. The female lead is not perfect. Her personality and choices are complex, and her growth is not always linear.
3. The story deals with school, family, mental health, medical treatment, and difficulties in intimate relationships. Some chapters have particularly intense emotional content.
4. None of the male characters is a conventional savior figure. Their relationships involve tension, misunderstandings, harm, and unhealthy dynamics.
5. This is not a story about choosing between love interests. Each relationship serves the female lead's growth, and the core is her rebuilding her own boundaries.
6. The story is slow-paced, with plenty of introspection and a bleak, realistic tone. Please read at your own discretion if this might bother you.
Theme: Amid chaos and pain, learn not to define yourself by being loved.
