[Jujutsu Kaisen] Don't Overanalyze Jujutsu Kaisen, It Can't Stand Up to Scrutiny

From the day you were born, you knew you were a character in a newly released mobile gacha game.

Your character art was by Xi Bu Jie Gao, the hottest illustrator in the fandom and the hardest to commission, who accepted neither commissions nor ads. Your voice was provided by the most popular male voice actor of the moment. The leaked stats were top-tier: high damage from the left hand, and even higher damage from the right.

You hadn't even made it into the gacha banner yet, but you already understood: becoming a fan favorite would be a piece of cake.

But in reality... Two years after the game launched, you were still hanging in the sky as its poster boy, known by players as Mr. New Folder. Finally, in the next update, you were going to become playable!

Wait, what do you mean the company went bankrupt before I could become playable, the game shut down, and the poster boy spent two years hanging in the sky without any major story appearances? Did I ask? Ask again and I'll delete you. What, you really deleted it?

Mr. New Folder was miserable. Mr. New Folder was suffering.

[I'll create the story myself!]

With that, you began a new story.

[Answer me, are you my leader?]

When you opened your eyes again, there was a white-haired man in a blindfold. You cleared your throat, as if you could see an infinitely bright future.

[Wow, a naked man.]

Your future leader was silent for a long moment, then replied just that.

Warnings

■ OOC ahead. A lighthearted comedy, set in the Jujutsu Kaisen world. A happy-ending warrior, probably.

■ A lethal dose of jokes about gacha game cliches, including lore that contradicts itself, the divine big sister, kidnapping your mom, thrilling turn-based minigames, baffling ML scenes, and jokes about gacha games plagiarizing each other. No love for gacha games here, Chinese or Japanese, I'll criticize them all. Yes, I'm a fan of mocking love interests. Yes.

■ So absorbed in my own dumplings and vinegar that I completely ignore how the dumplings are made.jpg

■ There's a little plot hidden among all the tired jokes. The fictional gacha game isn't based on any specific game, but I've stitched in the most toxic elements from a lot of them.

■ There are ML-oriented scenes. Since the master is a 5, if I write a pairing at the end, it'll probably be with a 5 too. Everyone is devoted to Gojo alone. I know that's hard, but this is i5tv. (Strike that.) The top/bottom doesn't matter because I'm not writing anything 18+.

Theme: Stay away from four-character IPs, or you'll end up unhappy.