(Football) One Hundred Footballs That Love You So, So, So Much

Save File 1:

You are the strictest dad a team could have.

When your favorite team loses, you curse them out: "Fucking useless!"

Missed a goal?

You take a screenshot and post a whole string of comments:

"How could you miss a chance that good?!"

"How could you miss a goal like that after all that effort?!"

"Is your right foot broken? How did you miss that?!"

"You're getting old. Retire already!"

"Go home and drink your milk!"

"Playing for the national team has made you soft, hasn't it?!"

"Playing for your club has made you biased, hasn't it?!"

Conceded a goal?

You slap your thigh in fury:

"Damn it! Are you blind?!"

"Damn it! Are your hands useless?!"

"Damn it! Did someone kick your brain like a ball?!"

"Damn it! Are the defenders just there to collect a paycheck?!"

"Damn it! With this lineup, the coach should be fired already!"

But the good news is, you're an equal-opportunity fan.

Save File 2:

Kate stood in front of the whiteboard. "I'm your new coach, Kate. I look forward to working with you."

"Here are the team rules:

1. No hamburgers for forwards.

2. No dating players from rival teams.

3. No dating teammates one-on-one.

4. No discussing the coach's private life behind closed doors.

5. Friendship comes second, competition comes first."

Save File 3:

Age 1: So ugly... Install a mod!

Age 4: Why do I run so slowly...? Install a mod!

Age 8: Why can't I score...? Install a mod!

Age 12: My grades suck... Install a mod!

Age 15: The romance option has unlocked. Why can I only date one person...? Install a mod!

Unexpected event!!

Age 17: You've joined the first team. Congratulations!

Age 18: Your social life is terrible. Can't you date people in this game? Let's start a romance.

After you forcibly pursue a teammate, the coach tears you a new one. The club spends a fortune buying back the dirt on you, and you're demoted to the reserve team.

...Install a mod!

Age 19: Every member of the team is underperforming because they're jealous of you. You carry the team and win the league title, but your strict coach sells you off because you're so popular. He doesn't want any disruptive elements in the team.

The fans are devastated and curse out the coach. He gets fired as a result.

Age 20:

Your career goes smoothly, and everyone on and off the pitch both loves and hates you.

Achievement unlocked:

You are both love and hate,

You hate that the moon shines on someone besides me,

You love that the moon shines on someone besides him.

Save File 4:

Kate turned into a cat.

The team captain arrived early that morning and was stunned by the news.

"He's KAT, not CAT."

"No, I know KAT is KAT, but he's actually turned into a CAT!"

In the locker room, Kate was bare-chested, wearing only a pair of shorts, with someone's jersey draped over his head. He was curled up in a corner like a cat, face to the wall and butt sticking out.

The others were sweating buckets. "You're finally here. Damn, Kate's strong."

"Why didn't you put a shirt on him?! He'll catch a cold!" the captain demanded.

"He took it off himself! Cats hate wearing clothes. We had to tie his shorts around his waist with a data cable. You should be grateful we didn't let our golden boy streak down the street in the middle of winter!"

Save File 5:

"Open the door!! FBI!!"

That's what you usually shout.

But why are you standing on a soccer field in a team jersey now?

Recently, you've been investigating a missing persons case. Your team has been working on it for six months, but you've hit a dead end with a banking tycoon.

The tycoon is extremely cautious. Without evidence, you can't arrest and interrogate him. But he has a hobby: he's a devoted fan of a soccer team.

With your strong physique, you successfully infiltrate the club and become a... janitor.

It's hot out, and you're mopping the locker room floor in a tank top. Oh, you can't even imagine what those guys did in there to make such a mess.

Suddenly, someone walks in. It's...

"Wow, you are hot."

You've had enough.

You never want to mop this damn locker room again.

You quietly tell your colleague goodbye, and the very next day, the youth coach brings you into the academy.

They're all boys several years younger than you, and they're very interested in you.

But with your background and your skills, it doesn't take long before you stop seeing them.

You've made it to the first team.

You see the person from the locker room that day wink at you.

With the big-eared cup in your left hand and the World Cup in your right, you get a congratulatory call from your colleague.

But you're deeply upset.

"Sorry, I still haven't found anything to pin on that banking tycoon."

Your colleague is speechless. After a long pause, they finally say,

"Uh, sorry, Kate. That case was solved ages ago, but you were playing matches, so we all decided to wait until you won the big-eared cup to tell you. But now you've won the World Cup too. Haha, congratulations!"

Save File 2 takes inspiration from The Tycoon Coach Simulator, including some of its random events.

The cover is from The 100 Girlfriends Who Really, Really, Really, Really, Really Love You, and the title is a play on that too. I'll draw my own cover when I have time (if I ever do).

An episodic story like a simulator, with each save file representing a different world. I'm a soccer novice, so please point out any mistakes and I'll do my best to fix them.

I haven't decided which team to use. Feel free to suggest one.

The content is weird, and I don't know what sort of prose I'll come up with. Please brace yourself before reading, and don't curse me out.

I can't promise these save files will happen. I don't even know when I'll write them, and I might lose interest before I get to them, haha.

Theme: I love soccer, and soccer loves me