A Wicked Beauty's Guide to Falling Flat

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Please read the content warnings! Please read the content warnings!

Dragon-Aura Top × Truly Vile Bottom, episodic stories, both are each other's only partner

If someone asked what the final blow to an opponent should be,

Ji Nanqiao would answer without hesitation: kiss him when you're about to die, and disgust him to death.

*

Ji Nanqiao is a classic wife-type [strikeout] villain from a standard power fantasy, devoted to making life difficult for the hero.

When the hero bears it in silence and backs down, he pushes his luck;

when the hero goes into seclusion to cultivate, he bangs gongs and drums outside the door;

when the hero's confidante sheds tears, he applauds and says what a wonderful show.

His "glorious achievements" are too many to count, and everyone knows how vile he is.

Ji Nanqiao has always believed that a villain's self-cultivation means making the protagonist's life full of pointless noise.

Until one day, cornered and nearly out of HP, inspiration struck. He used his last bit of strength to grab the other's collar and kiss him hard.

*

"Your character is awful, but your good looks make up for it."

Jiang Youzhu has always been especially favored by the Heavenly Dao. From obscurity to fame across the land, he follows the most orthodox path of a standard power fantasy hero.

"Endurance": being woken in the middle of the night by one of his followers to listen to a hymn he'd written.

"Hard work": four people doing one person's job.

"Winning hearts": Ji Nanqiao counts as a beauty, too, I guess.

"The world bows before him": He's a Dragon-Aura hero, so I suppose that counts.

In short, his life should have been a destined, legendary epic of a standard male-oriented power fantasy, if only he weren't gay.

[Bonus Scene]

Heavenly Dao: Here, take this, this, and this. Stop being a simp from now on.

Jiang Youzhu: I'm only pretending to be wrapped around his little finger. I have my own pace.

Heavenly Dao: All right, Pace Guy, go play somewhere else.

Episode One: [Lovecraftian Evil God Top × Wealthy, Powerful Young Master Bottom] [Complete]

Episode Two: [Country Bumpkin Top with a World-Domination System × Sheltered Prince Bottom] [Complete]

Episode Three: [Trash-Tier Cultivator Top × Aloof Sect Leader Bottom] [Complete]

Reader's Guide (Content Warnings)

1. Episodic stories, with each volume being a standalone tale.

2. The bottom is a truly vicious villain, with no redemption arc. The main appeal is watching him crash and get thoroughly punished.

3. The top is a true Dragon-Aura hero, with golden fingers turned up so high they become tiresome!

4. There may be bottom-bashing, so don't read if that's not for you.

5. The top is a simp, and he has his own pace.

6. My kinks are vulgar, and I tend to let little-head-over-big-head impulses write a mystery box. Don't read if that's not for you.

Upcoming book:

[Patriarchal Saint Top vs. Yandere, Humiliation-Chasing Bottom]

*

The most popular serialized tale in the cultivation world lately is about that Saint who has transcended worldly emotions, and his deceased Dao companion, master, brother, nemesis, and close friend.

When Lian Ye heard about it, he was causing trouble all over the cultivation world. The rumor reached his ears, and he scoffed and remarked:

"Does his heart belong to a durian? How can he have so many people in his heart?"

After all, as far as Lian Ye was concerned, the famous Kong Qing was...

Hate? Not really.

Love? Disgusting.

Looking back on his previous life, Lian Ye was practically born under an unlucky star. He had the worst luck imaginable.

He climbed the immortal mountain, only to be rejected at the top.

He helped his brother, then they went their separate ways once the mission was done.

He fought his nemesis, and somehow ended up fighting himself to death.

Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse, as the saying goes, better a knife in the back than...

Lian Ye: I asked Heaven to cut me some slack, not to send a horse charging at me.

Heaven: Request carried out to the letter.

*

The most important people in Kong Qing's life were undoubtedly his Dao companion, master, brother, nemesis, and close friend.

Of course, all of them were the same person: Lian Ye.

He took his favored status for granted. Young and arrogant, he thought that once he attained the Dao and achieved immortality, love could be cast aside with a wave of his hand.

As long as he became immortal, the two of them could make up and everything would go back to the way it was.

Unfortunately, he made the wrong bet.

Immortality was no reward. It was a slow execution.

[Bonus Scene]

Kong Qing: You said you'd stay with me for the rest of my life.

Lian Ye: First, what I actually said was, "This quilt is too short." Second, I've already died once. A sword from the previous dynasty can't execute an official of this one.

Kong Qing: (T_T)

Theme: Whoever you sit with, the moonlight and breeze are mine