The Everyday Life of a Socially Awkward King of Hell

Blurb:

Since the Underworld has ranked dead last in "User Satisfaction" for three hundred consecutive years, the Heavenly Dao's Administration Charter has ordered Yan Jing, the Underworld's chief executive, stripped of his divine powers and sent to the mortal realm to experience the hardships of an ordinary worker.

On his first day in the mortal realm, he fell straight into his gentle landlord's bathtub. The man smiled warmly, kind and considerate, and invited him to move in. "Three meals a day, a job, and the housework are all taken care of."

Oh my god! How could anyone be this nice? Of course he had to say yes!

With his landlord's help, he got a job at Lunhui Technology.

Shocking inside scoop! At this "work-until-you-drop" company, not a single person from the CEO to the security guards is ordinary. The CEO is the Great Emperor of Mount Dongyue! HR is a candidate for the position of Ksitigarbha! His direct supervisor is a nine-tailed fox spirit! The security guards are Ox-Head and Horse-Face from the Underworld, and even the sales rep next door who takes him under his wing is an intern judge from the Underworld!

Oh my god! This isn't some ordinary workplace experience. This is a hell-level game of Werewolf!

Bring it on! So what if everyone's wearing a secret identity and trying to fool the others? Let's see who still has their secret identity intact. Oh! I'm the only one left!

How It All Began, Part One [Ten Thousand Years Ago]

Yan Jing, the Underworld's top dog, was known throughout the Three Realms as the cold-faced King of Hell, until he underwent a tribulation of love.

The good news: the other person was human. The bad news: the other person was a man!

He kept up the act for decades, selflessly devoting himself to the man and caring for him, until he finally got to take a blade for love and die without a trace.

At last, he was free!

Then the other man held him in his arms, slit his own throat, and died for love.

Ding! Heavenly Dao evaluation: Perfect score!

Other people's love tribulations leave them heartbroken and inconsolable. This one? Someone protested, "How could that possibly get a perfect score? Were they even in love?"

The Heavenly Dao replied calmly, "He died for love."

"But they never even held hands!"

The Heavenly Dao patiently explained, "He died for love."

"That makes no sense!"

"Are you done yet? He died for love."

How It All Began, Part Two [One Thousand Years Ago]

As ruler of the Underworld, Yan Jing saw the people suffering and made up an excuse about his spiritual cultivation being incomplete, then went to the mortal realm, where he picked up a child.

Leng Yue stood beneath a tree in the courtyard, watching the man coughing inside the house and feeling a headache coming on.

A friend had come at his request to report back. "I can't find any trace of the person you underwent that love tribulation with. Why not look through the old King of Hell's Book of Life and Death after you return?"

Leng Yue calmly pointed into the house. "I found him."

"He was reincarnated?" His friend was stunned. "What are you to each other this time?"

The man inside stuck his head out and called, "Son, it's chilly out there. Come inside."

His friend burst out laughing. "Go on, answer him! He called you his son!"

Leng Yue thought, When I get back, I'm going to pin him down and hold him tight.

[Later...]

After learning the truth, Yan Jing trembled. "So what exactly do you want?"

Leng Yue smiled faintly. "I just want to have a proper relationship with you. After all, the Heavenly Dao gave us a perfect score, so we should live up to it."

Yan Jing: ...

1. The main timeline is modern, with a few flashbacks, but not many.

2. A socially anxious, snarky, unflappable bottom who cares about the world (Yan Jing) VS a scheming, calculating, warm fatherly top who had his eye on the Emperor (Leng Yue). One-on-one, happy ending. Two powerful figures descend to the mortal realm and act their hearts out.

3. This isn't a professional paranormal story, and it's not scary. There's a touch of ensemble cast, with a group of youths who each rule their own domain alone but lose their minds together. Expect a lighthearted, funny, chaotic everyday romance.

4. Reader comments are now enabled. Go ahead and roast away! I love catching typos too!

Coming soon next door: "Baldy, Dare You Date This Taoist?"

"Born under an ill-starred fate, destined not to live past thirty." The solution: "Find someone with a lotus-shaped mole on their palm and tie the knot."

At nine years old, Feng Motan grabbed his schoolbag and headed straight up Wudang Mountain. "What's the rush? I've still got twenty-one years."

At nineteen:

His father called to nag him about getting married. "Son, you've only got eleven years left!"

Feng Motan leaned against a thousand-year-old ginkgo tree. "What's there to panic about? With the Feng family's wealth, I can just pick any palm-mole person and marry them when I'm twenty-nine."

At twenty-nine:

"Young master, we found them! At Qixia Temple in Jinling!"

Feng Motan rushed down the mountain in the middle of the night. The moment he saw the person, he was struck as if by lightning.

A man! And a monk, no less!? But if he wanted to save his own life, he'd have to give it a shot!

"Little master, want to talk?"

"No."

Scene One:

With only three days left on the countdown to his death, the capital's social circles erupted.

"Have you heard? That Taoist from the Feng family married a monk!"

"That's not all. The monk has returned to secular life, and now he goes to work with Master Feng every day. One catches ghosts, the other performs rites to send them off. A husband-and-wife team with a complete business cycle."

Scene Two:

One day, Feng Motan happened to come across Wen Liao's diary. One page read:

"The moment I first saw him, I knew he was my tribulation. A ginkgo leaf fell on his shoulder. I wanted to brush it away for him, but I didn't dare."

The date was three years ago.

Feng Motan gritted his teeth as he confronted him. "You'd already seen me before? You'd already fallen for me, hadn't you!"

Wen Liao looked up and smiled faintly. "Didn't you say the day we first met that this monk was damn good-looking?"

"I was..."

"You were what?"

Feng Motan was at a loss for words. Giving up, he pulled Wen Liao into his arms and kissed him. "I was falling for you, okay? You fake holy man who broke his vows ages ago!"

"I'm a true Buddhist, and my feelings are true too."

[Bonus Scene]

Later, at a gathering for a metaphysics forum, a busybody asked, "Which of you fell first?"

Feng Motan crossed his legs. "Obviously him. His diary proves it!"

Wen Liao poured tea unhurriedly. "If a certain someone hadn't been twenty-nine and still acting like a lovesick boy, climbing walls and trees to chase me around, I might have kept up my cool facade for a few more days."

"Then keep it up!"

"I can't anymore." Wen Liao handed him the tea, his eyes full of tenderness. "You were so afraid of dying, and yet so... adorable."

The whole room fell silent for three seconds. "Ew!"

First line: The Taoist says he hasn't fallen for him.

Second line: The Buddhist says he saw through it long ago.

Horizontal line: You two, get married already.

All bark, soft heart. A carefree life. A fake domineering CEO. A real Taoist bottom (Feng Motan) VS a cool, aloof Buddhist. A sly, quietly flirtatious monk top (Wen Liao).

P.S. He's the monk Wen Buliao from "The Everyday Life of a Socially Anxious King of Hell."

Theme: Love thrives in the mortal world, and all hearts find their way home.