A History of How Zhongli Is Dan Heng's Father

In a dream, the Geo Archon, Rex Lapis, wandered through the divine realm, until he wandered straight into the Astral Express.

It wasn't supposed to be a big deal. Zhongli, formerly the Geo Archon and now a guest consultant at the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, planned to take things as they came and enjoy a unique journey.

Unfortunately, his opponent was a Stellaron fanatic with no sense of human nature. After carefully examining the dragon scales on the hem of Zhongli's robe, they turned to Dan Heng, the data repository's administrator, and said with heartfelt sincerity:

"So, Teacher Dan Heng, Mr. Zhongli is actually the father you've never met, right?"

The two people in question were left stunned.

Dan Heng: ...

Dan Heng: Is it possible that the Vidyadhara don't have parents?

Zhongli: ...No, how could you even... I absolutely have no children.

When Dan Heng, in his Imbibitor Lunae form, returned to the Express, the Stellaron fanatic thought they'd seen through the truth, even as the two of them continued to deny it.

Pointing at the golden horns on Dan Heng's head, they gestured at the hem of Zhongli's robe.

"Dan Heng, your horns have turned gold, and you still say you have nothing to do with Mr. Zhongli!"

"And your shield looks exactly like Mr. Zhongli's. That's proof of your blood relationship!"

Then they pulled out a Vortex Vanquisher from who-knows-where.

"Look, this passive skill is a perfect match for you. This is a son inheriting his father's trade, and inheriting Mr. Zhongli's signature weapon perfectly!"

Dan Heng, Imbibitor Lunae: ...

Zhongli: ...

Just then, a Dan Heng from a parallel world, who had grown up in Liyue, unexpectedly arrived on the Express as well.

The moment the Dan Heng from the parallel world saw Zhongli, he called out, "Father!"

His voice rang out loud and clear. At the Stellaron fanatic's smug expression, the two who'd still been trying to argue finally gave up explaining.

Forget it. We give up. There's no way to clear our names now.

#Word has it the Geo Archon once had a son, who later became separated from him among the stars

#Teacher Dan Heng, aren't you Vidyadhara? How come you have a father and never told us?

#This might be made-up history, but it's way too wild

Tips: 1. You can tell from the blurb: this is made-up history, purely fabricated. If it blows your mind, the author takes no responsibility.

2. I'll add more if I think of anything.

Posted October 15, 2025

Theme: Put another way, why can't Zhongli be Dan Heng's father?