Historical Celebrities in the Jian San Gacha Group

(You can understand this even if you don't play the game.)

[1. Ying Zheng x Home Blueprint Sharing Group]

Ying Zheng was feeling frustrated about defending against the Xiongnu. When he woke up, he found a transparent panel floating in front of him, covered in densely packed, scrolling text and images.

He frowned and tentatively tapped it

Urgent news from the martial world! The hero "I Am the Emperor" has won the grand prize, a "Great Wall Blueprint," in the Heavenly Treasure Drop event!

Ying Zheng: "!!!"

After investigating, he discovered that the panel seemed to come from the world of immortals. Immortals often said strange things on it, but the immortal known as "Group Owner" also regularly held treasure-draw events, and the blueprint prizes could actually be brought to life!

Ying Zheng put up with the other immortals' strange talk for the prizes.

Not long after

Urgent news from the martial world! The hero "I Am the Emperor" has won the grand prize, a "Fashion District Blueprint," in the Heavenly Treasure Drop event!

Urgent news from the martial world! The hero "I Am the Emperor" has won the grand prize, an "Aircraft Carrier Blueprint," in the Heavenly Treasure Drop event!

Urgent news from the martial world! The hero "I Am the Emperor" has won the grand prize, a "Space Elevator Blueprint," in the Heavenly Treasure Drop event!

The other immortals were furious. "Is this rigged? Are you the group owner's friend or relative? Did you secretly alter the code? Are you exploiting a bug?"

Ying Zheng couldn't understand what they were saying, but he could tell they were questioning his integrity.

Having unified the world and made everyone speak Chinese, Ying Zheng couldn't put up with such provocation. He angrily replied, "I am innocent! I got all those prizes myself!"

The other immortals: "Yeah, right. I'd sooner believe I'm Qin Shi Huang than believe you're innocent."

Ying Zheng: "..."

[2. Wei Qing and Huo Qubing x Horse Lovers of the Green Steed Ranch Group]

Wei Qing and Huo Qubing both found a panel in front of them that let them chat with immortals. The immortals freely shared horse-raising tips and combat tactics on the panel, and they also often held treasure-draw events.

So

Wei Qing's panel: Congratulations! You have received 5,000 bundles of "Imperial Bamboo Grass," 100 sets of "Flamehoof Tack," 100 sets of "Red Lotus Tack," 50 "Red Hare" horses, 50 "Dilu" horses...

Wei Qing was overjoyed. "Wonderful! With these gifts from the immortals, our army's strength will increase greatly. Qubing, the day we wipe out the Xiongnu is just around the corner!"

The next second

Urgent news from the martial world! The hero "Champion Marquis" has won the grand prize, a "Heartmoon Fox," in the Heavenly Treasure Drop event!

Urgent news from the martial world! The hero "Champion Marquis" has won the grand prize, a "Dragon Palace Pearl Hunt" carriage, in the Heavenly Treasure Drop event!

Urgent news from the martial world! The hero "Champion Marquis" has won the grand prize, a "Snow Phoenix Ice Phoenix," in the Heavenly Treasure Drop event!

Wei Qing: "? Is this still the Han dynasty?"

The Xiongnu Chanyu suspected that the Han dynasty had received heaven's help. He prayed desperately, and at last the gods took pity on him and bestowed a panel upon him.

The Chanyu was ecstatic and immediately entered the draw

Congratulations! You have received one "Awful Misfortune"!

The Chanyu: "?"

[3. Li Shimin x Read Whatever You Get Hooked On Group]

Li Shimin received a panel. The immortals on it chatted enthusiastically and spoke at length about history. They even knew many secrets he didn't, and though some of what they said sounded strange, there must be some truth in an immortal's words.

Li Shimin deeply respected them. Believing that history could serve as a mirror to reveal the rise and fall of dynasties, he carefully studied the chat logs every day.

From the logs, he learned that the Tang dynasty would last less than three hundred years. Li Shimin deeply regretted this, but there was nothing he could do.

Besides chatting, the immortals also held treasure-draw events. Li Shimin had won histories such as Records of the Grand Historian and Book of Han, as well as novels like Journey to the West and Water Margin. He found them thoroughly entertaining, but for some reason, the other immortals weren't interested in these books. They only wanted the grand prize books.

Li Shimin longed to read them too. Just what sort of classics could these grand prize books be, if even the immortals couldn't stop thinking about them?

Finally, one day

Urgent news from the martial world! The hero "Supreme General of the Celestial Strategy" has won the grand prize, a copy of The Prince of Guangping Leaves His Chambers to Wed, and the Prince of Jianning Burns His Manuscript and Cuts Off His Obsession!

Li Shimin: "..."

What a bunch of unfilial descendants! Is that really how the Tang dynasty fell?!

Immortal: "Do you think the Lingxue Pavilion could assassinate the Supreme General of the Celestial Strategy?"

[4. Zhu Yuanzhang x Beggar's Sect: No One Wants to Be Sewer Dwellers Group]

Zhu Chongba happened to obtain a panel for chatting with immortals. From it, he discovered that even immortals still had to beg for food, so he enthusiastically shared his life experiences and quickly became popular with the immortals.

One day, an immortal sent him a private message, thanking him for his selfless sharing lately. The immortal said he had a pile of treasures, and as thanks, Zhu could draw from it freely and take any grand prize he liked.

Zhu Chongba happily searched through the treasure pile, but got nothing. He was about to ask what had happened when he noticed the other person had already gone offline.

Zhu Chongba puzzledly put away the panel, looked down, and realized to his horror: Where had the three hundred coins in his bowl gone?!

Group notice: "Celestial Strategy Office of Law Enforcement" has joined the group.

Celestial Strategy Office of Law Enforcement: Money doesn't fall from the sky, and you shouldn't trust prizes that fly down from heaven. Heroes work hard for their money. Don't get scammed!

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*I laughed for ten minutes after writing this blurb.

*Apologies to all the historical figures. This is a brainless comedy full of antics. The protagonist may have a run of bad luck now and then, but it doesn't last long, and there are plenty of great things to find in the treasure pile.

*Every dynasty and chat group exists in its own parallel world and space, and they will not affect one another.

Theme: A proud, steadfast spine, green mountains at its back, rivers and streams reaching for the stars.